List of quotes in Crash Tag Team Racing

The following is a list of quotes from the 2005 video game Crash Tag Team Racing; they are listed alphabetically by character.

When starting a race

 * "I'll tear you through like a math test!"
 * "Finally, someone's letting me drive."
 * "You're all in a world of trouble."
 * "Remember, beauty before age."
 * "May the best blonde win."
 * "May all of you have fun fighting for 2nd place."

Missions

 * "Oh Crash! Thank goodness you're here! I've been trying to get this car working, but that stupid know-it-all nothing Nina stole my Fusion Unit. You gotta get it back for me! This car would be the best thing ever n' stuff."
 * "Crash, what are you doing back here? You go out there and get me that Fusion Unit. Please, big brother... This car would be the bestest thing I've ever built. It'll smoke the track with Nina, once and for all, heheheh!"
 * "Crash, where's the Fusion Unit? If this is a joke, I don't get it..."
 * "Ok Crash, What's the story here? I need that Fusion Unit so that I can show that stupid-faced Nina who's the best girl in the tracks so get moving!"
 * "Um, Crash, what are you doing back here? If you don't get me that modulator, I can't enter this car in the races and then I might lose! I can't lose! I just can't!!
 * "Crash, come on, let's go, maggot! Get the modulator for me already!!"
 * "Big brother, if you really wanna annoy me, can't you do normal big brother stuff, like noogies and headlocks or something like that?"

When attacked by Crash

 * "Wait until I tell Crunch! You are toast, buddy."
 * "You had to hit me. Just had to do it!"


 * "I'm telling mom!... if we had one.'"
 * "You know that'll leave a mark."


 * "Sticks and stones... MEDIC!"
 * "Hey! I'm a girl!"
 * "I know you are but what am I?"
 * "You're right, Crash. I probably deserved it."
 * "Circle the wagons! We're under attack!"
 * "Okay, I'll get revenge when you're sleeping!"
 * "Hey! That's my spleen. pal!"
 * "What'd I do? What'd I do?"

When clashing

 * "Let's show them what we're made of!"
 * "Time to dish out some pain!"
 * "Let's try this on for size."
 * "One-and-a-half heads are better than none."
 * "Oh, man, this is gonna be sweet!"
 * "This is going to be so cool!"
 * "Wow, did you luck out."
 * "Just like a new pair of shoes."
 * "Hey, not so hard!"
 * "Hiya, do you like me? I like you."

Carrying an item

 * "Now what do we have here?"
 * "Oh, look what I found!"
 * "Oh, look what I got for you!"
 * "Yessy! Presents!"
 * "Oh, goody!"
 * "Let's go shopping! And stuff."
 * "Come to mama!"
 * "As long as it's free."
 * "Nice! Just my size."
 * "That's what I'm talking about!"
 * "Just what I always wanted."
 * "Does this come in black?"

When flying through the air

 * "You're all beneath me, woohoo!"
 * "I was a bird in another life."
 * "It's so pretty up here!"
 * "Hey, my ears popped."
 * "This is why bandicoots don't have wings!"
 * "Does this count for frequent flyer miles?"
 * "Top of the world, ma!"
 * "Red Leader, I'm starting my run."
 * "I need an oxygen mask."

When destroyed by an opponent

 * "Ah, this is gonna hurt!"
 * "Good thing I'm insured!"
 * "This is gonna be so painful!"
 * "I think I'm gonna cry..."
 * "It burns! It burns!!"
 * "Aww, derryberries!"
 * "AVENGE ME!!"
 * "Can I take traffic school, officer?"
 * "This is so unfortunate."
 * "You think something like this will keep me down?"
 * "Well there's a fine how-do-you-do."
 * "Whatever."

When destroying an opponent

 * "And you are outta here!"
 * "Whoa, what a burn!"
 * "Take it like a man!"
 * "Look, just stay out of my way and I'll stop shooting."
 * "What's it like being beat up by a girl?"
 * "Nice try. No really, that was good. Seriously."
 * "Kisses! -smooch-"
 * "What's the matter? Gonna cry?"

Missions

 * "Enough jibber-jabber! I need help. I found a ride that needs driving. You gonna help me, we bring the hurt. Eat your greens. Thud ol' Crunch a loan with low interest. I buy that ride a word, we bounce."
 * "What's wrong witchu, fool?! Shoulda stayed in school. You learn what number's bigger than another number. Become an accountant. Instead, you were chump. Chump that can't count! Crunch needs the coins. And brush your teeth. Looks like a checkerboard in there."
 * "You makin' me mad, Crash! Whatchu talkin' about witchu comin' back?! Bring the Crunch down! When Crunch is down, you get hurt. Don't bring the Crunch down! Down is for gophers. Crunch be no gopher! Mow the lawn when your parents ask you."
 * "Now you're just being crazy! You're like a monkey. A monkey that can't count! Don't pet stray dogs."
 * "Gotta respect you, Crash! When your big brother needs help, you give it. You're a tight dude! Let's roll the win! Use a washcloth!"
 * "Crash! I say Crash, boy! Come help out the Crunch. Crunch needs him some coins. Gonna play the Whac-a-Mole game, but I need coins to do it! Go get me a pile of coins. And brush your teeth."
 * "What's wrong witchu, fool?! That's not enough. You know that's not enough! Can't you count? Go back to school and get me the coins, boy."
 * "Crunch gettin' mad now. Ready to bring the hurt! Ready to do some whackin'. You come back here, no coins. Make Crunch mad! Listen to me good. Either them moles get whacked, or you do. Change your sheets once a week!"
 * "Crash, why you roundin' up the Crunch? You wanna see the hurt? Go make me some coins, fool!"
 * "Still no Pinky Bear?! Where are you, Pinky Bear?! Crunch can't nap without his Pinky Bear! Crunch tired. If Crunch be tired, Crunch... a little sad."
 * "Boy, you go grabbin' the bull by the horns, and believe me, you're gonna get milked! Drink your milk. It's time you learned that a pig in a poke is worth two in a bush. Now go get me that Pinky Bear!"

When attacked by Crash

 * "Ah, my spine! Sleep eight hours a day."
 * "Avenge me! Eat a balanced breakfast."
 * "Don't be a fool! Stay in school!"
 * "How could you do that?! I need work."
 * "Ouch! Chew with your mouth closed!"
 * "OW under attack by a fool"

When starting a race

 * "C'mon, children! Time to move!"
 * "Let's bring the pain!"
 * "Time to learn who the real champ is!"
 * "Quit yo' jibba jabba, and let's drive!"
 * "I pity the fool who race against me!"
 * "You fools are goin' down!"
 * "Let's... get... bizzay!"

When destroying an opponent vehicle

 * "I burninated that chump!"
 * "Nice drivin', fool!"
 * "Turkey!"
 * "Call me daddy!"
 * "Shoulda stayed in school, punk!"
 * "Crunch is on the case!"
 * "Oh, I'm sorry. Were you in my way?"

When flying through the air

 * "Crunch don't feel so good!"
 * "Darn it! Crunch hate to fly."
 * "I can see my house!"
 * "My therapist told me to avoid this!"

When destroyed by an opponent vehicle

 * "Goin' limb!"
 * "Ah, the pain!"
 * "I just paid for this car!"
 * "Weak."
 * "Not the car! Easy credit rip-off!"
 * "I never learned to read!"
 * "Aw, heck!"
 * "Ah, nuts!"
 * "No!! Fool!"
 * "I will be revengified!"
 * "Suckas! Fools! Idiots!"
 * "You-- Reset me, fast!"

When clashing

 * "Who's ready for some double trouble?"
 * "Let's do this thang!"
 * "Yeah! Teamwork!"

When declashing

 * "Go bling your blang elsewheres."
 * "Go get some milk, children. Get strong bones."
 * "You're just not strong enough. Get outside the house."

Carrying an item

 * "Who's da man? Crunch da man!"
 * "No chance, turkeys! This is mine!"
 * "We's gonna do some damage now!"
 * "You fools got nothin'!"
 * "All mine, baby!"
 * "Mmm, lay some, suga!"
 * "All for the Crunch!"
 * "Darn, man! That's a Power Crystal!"
 * "Another prize for the Bandicoots!"
 * "Oh yeah, that's goin' down good!"
 * "Haha! All mine!"

When running over a Park Drone

 * "Damn! Who dresses you?!"
 * "Ha! Ten points!"
 * "Might have to lay low in Mexico."
 * "Not even prison-pretty no more!"

When winning a race

 * "Stick and move! Stick and move!"
 * "Yeah! Crunch is in the house! In the house, fool!"

Missions

 * "Oh, Crash. Yes, Mr. Crash. You are reasonable, aren't you? You like to listen to propositions from N-Gin. I need a plutonium fuel cell for my new vehicle. FInd me... enough... beautiful plutonium, and I will reward you with many fine coins."
 * "Crash... What's wrong with you, man? I need plutonium to succeed! Beautiful... shiny plutonium... It will be mine, I swear, or I will fill your head with doom!"
 * "Crash... You're making me... You're making me angry! You don't want to see me when I'm angry. Bring me plutonium."
 * "Ohhhh!! Now I'm just So mad, Crash! I feel like my brain is coming out of my eyes, and dripping down my cheeks! Eeek I am so mad! Get Me That Plutonium If You Know What's Good For You!!"
 * "-crying- Woe is me! Woe for N-Gin! No greater doom is possible..."
 * "-crying- I'm crying... because... I'm not pretty! Please, Crash... Please bring me something that'll make me pretty. I just can't live like this anymore!"
 * "What's wrong with you man? I'm dying inside! Must... be cute... Bring me the pretty! Bring me the pretty! Or I stick doom in you!"
 * "Oh, Crash, you don't know my agony! Being this close to beautiful, but still lacking a certain something... Please Crash, hurry! You're my only hope."
 * "You are just trying to make me angry, aren't you? WELL, YOU'VE SUCCEEDED!! Get me that costume! I know your weakness, Crash-- Bullets!"
 * "It's not ready yet! I'm doing my best! Oh.. it's you, Crash. Sorry, but Dr. Cortex is very insistant that I finish my creation as soon as possible. It is a weapon of horrible power! But I... I can't finish it! Please Crash, you have to help me. Bring me the secret component."
 * "That's right... Fuzzy Slippers!! Only the raw, uncontrollable fury of fuzzy slippers can bring my creation to life! Please Crash, find me the slippers, and I will reward you greatly."
 * "What are you doing to me, man? I told you I need those slippers. Bring them to me. Now! You see that moon in the sky? Well, that's not a moon. That is a space station. So you get me the slippers if you know what's good for you."
 * "Still no slippers? Ohh, I get it. You like N-Gin! You want to talk to me. To be my friend. N-Gin will be your friend. N-Gin likes friends. We can talk, do each other's hair, go for walks by the lake..."
 * "Oh! That wasn't what you meant at all. ...hehe... I was kidding. Well, get me those slippers... And stop wasting my time!"
 * "Still... no... Slippers!? You can't imagine how much I need them! This weapon will absolutely... Rock Thine World!"

When attacked by Crash

 * "My eyeball! I love that eyeball!"
 * "Ow! That hurt! Thank you."
 * "Ow, my spleen is coming out! So that's what it looks like."
 * "Stop bullying me, man!"
 * "The pain... in my body... and organs... and body again..."
 * "You're trying to kill me, aren't you?! How can I ever thank you?!"

When passing an opponent vehicle

 * "I pass you like gas!"
 * "Take up a slower sport, like full-contact... duck-hunting or... something... with a duck."
 * "Try another sport. Like knitting!"
 * "First, I'll beat you. THEN I'LL BOMB YOU!!"
 * "Your mother is the speed limit now!"
 * "It's getting hard to see you back there!"
 * "Some driver you are, goat child!"
 * "You are just too slow, silly monkey."
 * "Now you will see what a real cyborg can do."
 * "Perhaps you need a speed boost! Hahaha!"

When brushing against an opponent vehicle

 * "I will catch you, and do... something... horrible to you!"
 * "That hurt my colon so much!"
 * "They should take your license... because you're stupid!"
 * "You crazy person!"
 * "Just stay out of my way, doom monkey."
 * "You rat-monkey-pig-dog!"
 * " I'd missed? HOW'D THAT HAPPEN!!!!!!!!"
 * "I should back up and get that guy."
 * "You stay away, or I'm bringing the doom!"
 * "Go away! Or I'll go upside your head!"
 * "Great Caesar's ghost!"
 * "Try that again... SO I CAN FEED YOU TO MY MONKEY!!!"

When destroying an opponent vehicle

 * "Enjoy your screaming doom!"
 * "Come back so I can destroy you again!"
 * "Reset your car so I can do that again."
 * "Take that, father! What? Did I say father?"
 * "Yes! Meet your doom, fool!"
 * "This is destiney."
 * "I'm actually happy."
 * "Take that, mister soccer!"

When destroyed by an opponent vehicle

 * "Give my remains to science!"
 * "I'm too pretty!"
 * "NO!! The sweet pain!"
 * "Ohh, the sweet searing agony!"
 * "The delicious burning!"
 * "I blame myself for this."
 * "I regret nothing."
 * "I must keep going."
 * "Sing the doom song!"
 * "Why do I do this to myself?"
 * "Sweet Mexican walnuts, that hurt!!"
 * "I... I won't cry... You can't make me..."
 * "It's high school all over again. Ouch."

When flying through the air

 * "Quick! Shoot at civilians!"
 * "This... Okay, this is scaring me."
 * "Up in the sky! IT'S A COMPLETE MANIAC!"
 * "Watch the skies.!"
 * "Oh, the glory of the skies."
 * "There must be something I can shoot from here!"
 * "What am I doing up here?"
 * "Start bombing run! ...hehehehe..."
 * "I... think I wet myself."
 * "Ohh! I soiled myself."
 * "Fear my vertical power!"

When clashing

 * "Cybernetic merge power... activate!"
 * "Form of... a killing machine!"
 * "Fire the Gunneratortron!"
 * "Finally... I made a friend."
 * "That's just so cool.."
 * "I will use your lovely mechanical parts..."
 * "Now I am twice the lovely."
 * "Victory is assured now."
 * "Yes! Yes! Use the gun often!"

When declashing

 * "I can't be seen with a freak like you!"
 * "You and me... just aren't working out. It's me. It's not you."
 * "You just can't cut the cheese, pal!"
 * "Yeah... you need to go."
 * "I'm through sucking up to you."
 * "I grow tired of you.."
 * "Seriously, you'll just not evil enough."
 * "So long... LOSER!!"

Carrying an item

 * "Ooohh, what do we have here?"
 * "It's the present I've always wanted!"
 * "With this, I will do great evil!"
 * "Too bad, rat-pigs! This is all for me."
 * "More! I'm confident!"
 * "Awww! I wanted a muffin!"
 * "Now this is what I'm talking about."
 * "Ohh, the firm love of a fine Power Crystal."
 * "Mine... All mine... You can't have it..."
 * "Mine... All mine!"
 * "The stuff dreams are made of."
 * "IIIIIII'm so happy."
 * "Noo.. You can't have it.."
 * "What do I do with this?"

When running over a Park Drone

 * "He was asking for it!"
 * "Hey! Don't scratch my car!"
 * "They'll reanimate you later."
 * "Stay down, little man! Stay down!"
 * "Take that, you freak!"
 * "The smack is like music! Sweet music!"
 * "You bring me joy with your doom!"

When winning a race

 * "Aww, poor little baby can't aim! Why can't you aim, little baby?"
 * "Perhaps you need a head-rocket of your own, monkey-face!"
 * "Villagers with torches couldn't catch me! What chance do you have?!"
 * "Well, when life gives you lemons'... lock foward torpedoes!"
 * "You were fools to challenge me. FOOLS!!"

Credits

 * "Good day to Tim's wife Katie, and pretty daughter Sophie. ...heheh... I'm not pretty!"
 * "Vlad would like to thank his parents for all the quarters, and for not nicknaming him the Impaler!"
 * "Greetings, Kai, of the longjings. I am a member of the short-jings, and I do not eat cheese. What?"
 * "Hello to Gene's darling wife Marlene... who broke my heart in high school! And her children Jordan and Jenna."
 * "Rick would like to thank Keith, Tyler and Kyle. What a bunch of goody-two-shoes!"
 * "Hello, Michelle, Nova, and supervillain-in-training, Dylan... who I hope to serve one day! My little master... Your will is my command..."
 * "Thank you for helping me so much. Oh! Isn't Chris sweet?"
 * "Hey, Nancy! WOOOOOOHOOHOOOO!! Hahaha! Oh... I think I hurt myself."
 * "I've been to Korea. Your food gives me gas!"
 * "Hello, Elisia! Be seeing you soon."
 * "Hiron would like to thank the academy. ...heheh... You like him... You really like him... And I like him... I like him a lot! He's my friend. We will go to the lake, and we'll braid each other's hair... ...hehehe..."
 * "Sanela would like to thank her supportive husband, who picks her up, and bench presses her, daily!"
 * "This guy gets all the chicks."
 * "This guy's such a moron. He couldn't put M&M's in alphabetical order!"
 * "Darren Esau. Single, of course, and available! E-mail at [mailto:darren.esau@gmail.com darren.esau@gmail.com]... WHAT KIND OF A WEB ADDRESS IS THAT!?"
 * "Hi, Mr. Ekkachaichanvet, Mrs. Ekkachaichanvet, and Billy Ekkachaichavnet. ...heheh... I'm N-Gin. EKKACHAICHANVET!! Adopt me! Or I will put doom in you!"
 * "Hey-- What? Stephanie, I love you! You can touch me if you want... ..hehehe... Please."
 * "Hello, Erica, Lasmarias family, and Palamore family. I was named after a street in New England! That is famous for maple syrup. Sticky."
 * "Hello to the happy squirrel friends of Ziemek. ... WHAT IS HE DOING WITH THE SQUIRRELS!?"
 * "Do you have stairs in your house? Voted 5 golden man babies! I don't know what that means!"
 * "Hello, and thank you to Lillian and Naima. You're my cute little fuzzy slippers!"
 * "Charles Dennis as Park Drone. How appropriate!"
 * "Danny Mann as Von Clutch, and all things German, like bratwurst, and schnitzel. What is a schniztel!?"
 * "Debbi Derryberry as Coco. Oh, derryberry! My favorite of all the berries! ...heheh... She's so sweet."
 * "Morgan Gerhard... Why didn't you record this, you fool!?"
 * "Nolan North as N-Gin. Wait. That's me. And him is me, and me is him. I'm so confused! He's an idiot! Wait. That means I'm an idiot. Cut!"
 * "Quinton Flynn as Chick. Go back to Cleveland!"
 * "Roger L. Jackson, as Willie, the half-fruit mascot. Roger, why do you commute this far?"
 * "Shanelle Workman as Pasadena O'Possum. My favorite of all the marsupials! They're so tasty, like chicken."
 * "This guy's so stupid, it took him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

Missions

 * "Oh, it's you, Crash. Look, there's something fishy going on here, and I don't mean the salmon churros. I need to do a little sneaking around, but I can't, because... My head's too big! I mean, look at me. I stick out like a chocolate bar in a swimming pool! If I'm going to get to the bottom of this, you'll need to get me something black and slimming to wear. I don't wan't my butt to look so big!"
 * "Look, why are you back here if you don't have what I need? Crash, listen to me, and try to get this through your furry skull. If you want answers, you'll need to get me something black and fetching!"
 * "Ugh... Why are you still here and talking to me, Crash? Go... Go on... Fetch!"
 * "Crash, I swear, if you bother me once more, it's laser to the eyeball time!"
 * "Oh, now this is nice! I can go anywhere in this little number! Whoever's behind all this won't know what hit them. Oh, and take this Power Crystal. I found it in a dumpster covered in that disgusting Wumpa Whip, so... I don't want to keep it."
 * "Oh, Crash! Um... Coco asked me to get this car working for her but it's missing a key engine component. If you find a set of high-quality gears, would you bring them to me?"
 * "Oh, good. It'll make your sister so happy."
 * "Crash, you blithering imbecile! Can't you do anything right? You're the worst mutation I've ever created! Bring me those gears, now!!"
 * "Crash, why are you back here? You're making me very... uh... You're making your sister sad..."
 * "Crash, you cantankerous twerp! What are you even doing back here?"
 * "Shut Up!! Get me that gear!"
 * "You did it! You brought me the last part I needed! Crash, you fool. With this car, I will win the deed to the park for sure, and destroy every bandicoot foolish enough to face me on the tracks!"
 * "Oh, Crash! Can you help me out? I need Power Crystals to charge my new weapon of mass-- uh... helping people. Can you bring me Crystals to fuel my latest creation and... help as many people as possible?"
 * "Oh yes, that's nice. Stand there and hit the talk button to annoy the mad scientist. Next you'll spin attack I suppose. Just get me those Crystals, you idiot!"

When interacting with Crash

 * "Ah, yes. Crash, my dear boy. Haven't you some train tracks to play on?"
 * "Crash! What a surprise! I have a blaster gun with your name on it! Wait here."
 * "Crash! You really must assist me, dear boy. I dropped my chewing gum in that wood chipper over there. Would you be so kind as to retrieve it for me?"
 * "Crash! You're looking very fit and trim! Those pilates are doing wonders for your figure."
 * "Hello, Crash Bandicoot! Goodbye, Crash Bandicoot."
 * "Hello Crash. It's always a torture- uh, I mean pleasure to see you."
 * "Hey Crash! Willie Wumpa Cheeks has a dripping problem with his Wumpa Pumpa. Why don't you go plug it up?"
 * "Oh, do I despise that orange-pelted rodent. Uhh... ah, Crash! My old pal! I was just on a tirade about you!"
 * "Salutations, my dear Crash. Very soon I shall find you a new home in the afterlife."
 * "Ugh! Crash Bandicoot, stop hounding me!"
 * "Why Crash Bandicoot! My old friend! Have you ever heard the Cortex proverb that revenge is a dish best served with fava beans? Hmm. Well remind me to tell you sometime."
 * "Yes, yes! Don't bother me, Crash! Can't you see I'm working on your demise?! The nerve!"

When attacked by Crash

 * "I thought you liked me!"
 * "It's juvie all over again!"
 * "Just back off, man!"
 * "Meanie!"
 * "Nobody makes me bleed from there!"
 * "Oh, the pain of it all!"
 * "Stop it, please!"
 * "The pain! The sweet pain!"
 * "When I get my ray gun, you're through!"
 * "Why me?! I'm so pretty!"
 * "Why would you do that?!"
 * "You can't do that to me! No one can!"

When starting a race

 * "After I win, I want to be hand-fed grapes and drink lots of creamy soda."
 * "Attention, everyone! Follow me!"
 * "Fill 'er up and check my oil!"
 * "How much longer till we get there?!"
 * "I bore easily. Do try and keep up."
 * "It's okay everyone. I'll hold back a bit to keep it interesting."
 * "May the best cheat win!"
 * "My, my. So many balloons of hope for me to pop."
 * "Now, I may attack other drivers. Okay, I will attack other drivers."
 * "Now, when the flag lowers, everyone, hit reverse!"
 * "Okay, dregs of society! Time to learn who the real mad doctor is here!"
 * "Soon you will all taste the sour conception of defeat!"
 * "This race is a trivial challenge to a genius like me!"
 * "Wait, wait, I'm not buckled in!"

When starting from a standstill

 * "Let's see what this thing could do!"
 * "1.2 gigawatts of power!"
 * "Burn baby burn! Like a disco inferno!"
 * "Down, boy! Steady!"
 * "Engage!"
 * "Fear my fossil fueled wrath!"
 * "Hey! Pretty good pickup in this heap!"
 * "I am Cortex, hear me roar!"
 * "I feel the need! The need for acceleration!"
 * "I just love when that happens."
 * "Impressive! Most impressive!"
 * "I've got lots of torque! And I'm not afraid to use it!"
 * "Ladies react very favorable to that."
 * "Mad scientist coming through!"
 * "Nice skid marks!"
 * "Oh, I love that rumbling sensation!"
 * "Rolling rolling rolling!"
 * "Such power! Such speed! I'm such a catch!"
 * "Who's your daddy?"
 * "Yeehaw!!"

When passing by an opponent vehicle

 * "Last time I saw a car like that, someone was feeding it hay!"
 * "Breaker 1.9! Here comes rubber ducky!"
 * "Hahaha! I'm funky fresh and beautiful!"
 * "You see? I knew that extra quart of oil would work! -belch-"
 * "Ain't my backside pretty?"
 * "Who's your daddy?"

Carrying an item

 * "With this, I will do pathetically horrible deeds."
 * "Haha! Jewels! More jewels!"
 * "Crystals are a doctor's best friend."
 * "This will surely come in handy for evil."
 * "Ohh, shiny!"
 * "Oh, nice!"
 * "That's great! What's it for?"
 * "Now the circle of pain is complete."
 * "Oh would you look at that? A present!"
 * "The power! The power!"
 * "Oh, how excellent!"
 * "Every mad scientist's dream."
 * "I'm hiding this Crystal in my special place."
 * "No one will ever take this from me. No one!"
 * "I'll have enough for a fine pearl necklace soon."
 * "Begin quivering with excitement."
 * "Powers of Cortex, activate!"
 * "Better me than any of those other nitwits."
 * "I will build a super weapon of incredible destructive force! Eventually."
 * "Where on Earth am I going to keep all this booty?"
 * "I really ought to turn this into lost and found. Not!"
 * "Hahaha! The wonderful power!"
 * "Mine! Mine! All mine!"
 * "I'll find a wonderful home for you, little jewel."
 * "I'm happy! I'm really, really happy!"
 * "Another for the collection!"

When brushing against an opponent vehicle

 * "Save the brain!"
 * "Mad scientists have the right of way... Jerk!"
 * "I would've hit him, but this game is rated 'E'."
 * "I skinned my knee!"
 * "Rusty, Cortex, you're getting rusty!"
 * "Hmm... I must have my contacts checked."
 * "My skills of nearsightedness caused that!"
 * "I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that this park is not entirely safe."
 * "Ugh! What sicko came up with this ride?"
 * "Vehicular man slaughter!? I like the sound of that!"
 * "Excuse me, gamer, are you TRYING to make me lose?!"
 * "That had better not have been on purpose, you!"
 * "Why can't I get the elbow room I deserve?"
 * "Watch the paint, watch the paint!"
 * "Hey there buddy, this isn't California you know!"
 * "Blast you, Sunday driver!!"
 * "That's no way to treat a man on his way to church!"
 * "Send a bill to the office!"
 * "There goes my good insurance rate!"

When brushing against a wall

 * "¿Dónde están mis pantalones?"
 * "Great! I just washed this vehicle!"
 * "Summon my proctologist!"
 * "Somebody get me a tissue!"
 * "How am I going to talk my way out of this one?"
 * "Not my baby!"
 * "Hurt my ride, you hurt me! Wait. I probably shouldn't say that."
 * "Oh yeah? Well, the more you hit me, the weaker I become!"
 * "Aaah!! My car!"
 * "Is this the price of victory?"
 * "I don't like this part of the race much."
 * "Ouch, ouch, and double ouches!"
 * "Oh, now who put that there?"
 * "Hit me! Do I not bleed?"

When flying through the air

 * "It's the only way to fly!"
 * "Woohoo! I'm a big beautiful bird!"
 * "I always was the best student at evil medical school."
 * "This is great, but reentry can be rough."
 * "If madmen were meant to fly, our cheeks would be filled with helium!"
 * "Woohoo! I can see my house from here!"
 * "Hey! I never read the landing procedure!"
 * "Uh-oh. That burrito is making an encore visit!"
 * "Woohoo! Get a load of my sweet tricky!"
 * "Now this is what I call an E-ticket ride!"
 * "Up up and away!"
 * "Okay Luke, I'm starting my run!"
 * "Whoa! I think I'm going to be sick!"

When destroyed by an opponent vehicle

 * "I knew I shouldn't have tossed that bus transfer!"
 * "You'll probably blame me for this, won't you?"
 * "Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?"
 * "I hope none of my henchmen saw that."
 * "I'm all brains and no gas."
 * "Evil madman-- Will work for shiny new vehicle!"
 * "Ugh. To think I was top of my class in evil medical school."
 * "MOMMY!!!"
 * "Waiter! Check, please!"
 * "Uh, excuse me. Can anyone give me a lift home?"
 * "Well, I will most surely lodge a complaint at city hall!"
 * "I'll take the rest in a doggy bag."
 * "Ohh!! For heaven's sake, someone put it out of its misery!"
 * "I don't deserve this!"
 * "How did I ever get stuck with this heap?"
 * "Boo-hoo! My beautiful ride!"

When running over a Park Drone

 * "An evil maniac's gotta do what an evil maniac's gotta do!"
 * "Cry all you want! I can't hear you! Lalalalalalalalalala!"
 * "Heavens! I enjoyed that too much!"
 * "It's really not my policy to pick up hitchhikers."
 * "Yes! Like a deer in the headlights!"
 * "Officer, he just walked right onto the road!"
 * "I haven't laughed like that since I was a schoolgirl!"
 * "I really ought to go back and pick him up. Not!"
 * "My, my, was that you?"

When clashing

 * "Trust me, this is good for both of us."
 * "Together, you and I will do very bad things."
 * "Wow, that felt good!"
 * "My heavens, we got us a convoy!"
 * "Now you do a good job as my partner or I've got a ray gun with your name on it!"
 * "Now move a little to the left... That's better."
 * "I'll bet the gas mileage is dreadful in this thug!"
 * "Now this is what I call a sport utility vehicle!"
 * "How do you like it on the dark side, huh?"
 * "You're chasse au mine."
 * "Not bad! We need to see each other more often."

When declashing

 * "Oh, I'm sorry. Were we a team?"
 * "And I'm spent."
 * "Cortex is a lone wolf; a bald eagle; a burrowing hamster.."
 * "Thanks for your help. Now stay out of my way, vermin!"
 * "Talk to the hand! Buh-bye!"
 * "I can't be seen with you. I just can't."
 * "Look, I think we should see other people."
 * "I've had it with you, meddling kid!"

When winning a race

 * "Who let the canines out? Woof! Woof, woof!"
 * "You want to try that again, smarty -pants?"
 * "Ohh, I get it. You're TRYING to hit me."
 * "Nice shot. Next time, try AIMING!"
 * "Nice try! Next time, open your eyes when firing!"
 * "I'm quick and nimble like a little cockroach."
 * "Really, you should find an easier target than me."
 * "Oh, Cortex, when will they ever learn?"
 * "Is I good or is I good?"
 * "Can I purchase that pink big teddy bear now? Huh? Huh?"

Credits

 * "Hello, Michelle! Be seeing you later. Oh, and Michelle, say hi to Joel's kids, Neo Andrew and Neo Nichole."
 * "Mr. Plumbly, you really know how to shoot one pass the goalie! Wink wink, nudge nudge! Little Plumbly is proof of that."
 * "Isn't he going to thank his wife, or kids?"
 * "Hi, Elyssa! And the cutest girl in the world."
 * "Trevor would like to thank the Olsen Twins, whom he's never met."
 * "Oh, Jeff, what is up, big dog? How's it hanging in the hood?"
 * "Kevin would like to thank everyone that made a joke with his name in high school, and point out that they probably work in a mall now."
 * "Konichiwa, Maki-chan."
 * "Angus would like to thank the whole world for putting up with his horrible attitude, while he traveled the globe."
 * "Ian says thank you, mom, dad, and David. How... sickening!"
 * "Matthew, see you next Tuesday! Or was it Wednesday? Thursday-- No, Friday-- Ahh!"
 * "Peter would like to thank his lovely wife Wendy and cat Lucy for all their support."
 * "Hello, Corey's wife, Laura. You dirty girl!"
 * "And to my favorite niece, Amy Gross. Nothing gross about her."
 * "And Chris Coppola, man of a thousand voices, but unfortunately, no personality."
 * "And Dwayne Shephard. Nobody says ..... with such authority."
 * "Jess Harnell, please, tell your neighbor, the captain, that I said hi, and that I'm in a rock band! Hahaha!"
 * "And Lex Lang. Oh! I hope to someday meet him!"
 * "Lydian, the most polite man on the planet."

Missions

 * "Oh. It's you, Crash. Look, as much as it pains me to say this, I need your help. There's this sweet car I wanna get, but I need a little more money. You... Ugh, this is so lame! You have to get me a job. Snuffle around and find me a job. P-- Pl-- Please."
 * "What? You wanna see me beg?! Ugh. I don't think so!"
 * "Crash, what are you doing? Look, peon, stop trying my patience. Get me that job if you know what's good for you."
 * "I am through dealing with you, Crash. God, it's like talking to soap! Don't come back here until you've gotten me that job!"

When interacting with Crash

 * "Can't you see I'm planning Armageddon here?"
 * "Go away! I am allergic to fleas!"
 * "Is there something I can help you with?"
 * "Crash! Aren't you supposed to be defeating my uncle somewhere?"


 * "So you're the villian I've been warned about... rad."


 * "My uncle says you should give me any coins you've collected."
 * "Back off, Furball!"
 * "Have you come to deliver me from boredom?"

When attacked by Crash

 * "Hey! Not fair!"
 * "I'm telling!"

When flying through the air

 * "Death from above!"
 * "Hide, insects, hide..."
 * "This is how evil should travel."
 * "I wish I could stay up here always."
 * "I feel like a demagog!"
 * "Oww, my sinuses."
 * "Warp factor 10!"
 * "I'm a great bird of doom!"
 * "I am an airborne virus. Wheeee!"
 * "Ha! Learned that trick this morning!"

When running over a Park Drone

 * "Let that be a lesson to you all."
 * "Immoral? Possibly. Satisfying? Absolutely!"
 * "Not a hint of guilt here!"
 * "Great, now my tires need cleaning."
 * "Tell it to the bionic hands!"

When Clashing with oppenent vehicle

 * "Super size me!"
 * "Trust me, this will improve your odds."
 * "Ain't technology grand?"
 * "We form into a pinata of desruction!"
 * "Run, insects of fate!"
 * "How fortunate you are to clash with the likes of me!"
 * "Together, we shall unleash super size amounts of pain!"
 * "Does this thing have stereo?"

When destroyed by oppenent vehicle

 * "Rise my dark stallian! ... Please!"
 * "I shall rebuild you in the image of your former self."
 * "DON'T LEAVE ME THIS WAY!!"
 * "I shall remember this sacrafise with sorrow... Really!"
 * "You fought like a Cortex! And that's why you're dead."
 * "Sleep my pretty, sleep..."
 * "Poor baby. It was for a higher cause."
 * "Arghh! I shall avenge you!"
 * "Stay away from the light!"
 * "It was not in vain, little car."
 * "A moment of silence, please."
 * "I will never replace you... Next car please!"
 * "We can rebuild you. Stronger, better, more evil..."

When blasting other vechicles

 * "Breaking things makes me happy!"
 * "What else can I break around here?"
 * "Another customer served."
 * "Bad girl, bad girl! Whatcha gonna do?"
 * "Nature selected you for doom!"
 * "My wrath is cold and hard."
 * "Cower before my mighty mightiness!"
 * "Don't ever call me goth again!"
 * "Revenge is a dish best served with gummy worms!"
 * "Who says it's not fun being anti-social?"
 * "Witness the fate of my opponent!"
 * "All in a day's work."
 * "I feel so alive!"
 * "Where do I send the flowers?"
 * "Do you have a taste for cold steel?"
 * "Sorry. It's my nature."
 * "You make me do this to you!"
 * "Begone with you!"

When Declashing

 * "It just wasn't working out, okay?"
 * "You are unworthy of my efforts!"
 * "Was it good for you to?"
 * "I'm done with this!"
 * "Parting is such sweet sorrow!"
 * "Don't call me. I'll call you."
 * "I got what I wanted."

When starting a race

 * "I'll be watching what everyone does."
 * "I'll write you a postcard from the finish line."
 * "Turning out the lights, the party's starting!"
 * "My strategy is cold and merciless. Brrrrr!"
 * "My victory shall be swift and dreadful!"
 * "Cower mortal slime!"
 * "You all might as well go home."
 * "I just had my braces tightened, so BRING IT ON!"
 * "Let the suffering commence!"

Carrying an item

 * "With you, bad things will occur."
 * "Sweet!"
 * "My arsenal of thunder grows!"
 * "Nice!"
 * "Come to me, my pretty..."
 * "This will help my dark causes."
 * "It's a collectible item! Rare, too."
 * "There's gotta be a catch."
 * "I love souvenirs!"
 * "Another tool for treachory..."
 * "Who left this stuff lying around?"
 * "Ooh, I'll save that one!"
 * "Pennies from Purgatory.."

When winning a race

 * "And that's how it's done!"
 * "Ha! Foolish fool! Did you think it would be that easy?"
 * "Your lameness is very lame."
 * "Ya have to get up pretty early in the morn..."
 * "Foolish mortal! When will they ever learn?"

Missions

 * "Oh, hey, cutie! You ever see me driving on those tracks there? Boy I tell you, I am the meanest thing on the streets! And if you thought that was somethin', wait till you see me driving this hog around. Problem is, I needs me a Power Crystal to get her started. You don't got one, do you?"
 * "Are you feelin' okay there, fuzzy pants? I need a Power Crystal to get this steer jumpin'. You don't got nothin' but good looks right now."
 * "Golly, Crash, you feelin' okay? I need a Power Crystal so get a move on, boy!"
 * "You gettin' heat stroke, Crash? You need mouth to mouth or somethin'?"

When attacked by Crash

 * "Ah! Park security!"
 * "I will be revengified for that."
 * "Ah! Right in the pancreas!"
 * "Whoa, you're too rough for me."
 * "Stop whuppin' me..."
 * "I thought you were a good guy!"

When starting from a standstill

 * "I peeled that like a banana!"
 * "Two plus two equals... um... cornbread?"

When brushing against a wall

 * "I must be balled up or som'thin'!"
 * "It's okay, just slap some Miracle Whip on it!"
 * "It's okay, honey. It hurts me more than you."
 * "Just spray some Cheeze Whiz down there, it'll be alright."
 * "Looks like I had a little too much hoo-ich on, I figure."
 * "Well, nothin' a lil' bacon fat can't fix."

When flying through the air

 * "I'm stuck inside a cloud!"
 * "'Scuse me while I touch the sky!"
 * "I fly through the air with the greatest of ease!"
 * "Just like that cow, went over the moon!"
 * "I should do this more often!"
 * "Thin air! I'm footloose and fancy free!"
 * "Hot dog!"
 * "Alley-ooooooooo!"
 * "Alrighty, is there a movie on this flight?"

Carrying an item

 * "There you are, you little darlin'."
 * "Lasso'd a good one here."
 * "I'll save that one for a rainy day."
 * "Just what I always wanted!"
 * "I'll store that in my pouch."
 * "I's rustled up somethin' good here."
 * "Hey, mister sparkle sparkle, how bout a kiss?"
 * "I'll save that for the winter."
 * "That's a funny thing to find lyin' on the road."
 * "Naughty little devil! Get in my pocket!"
 * "Whoo-wee, now there's somethin' fancy!"
 * "Woohoo! Prettier than a steerin' summer time!"
 * "Now who put you there anyway?"
 * "I wonder how much I can get for this at the pawn shop."

When declashing

 * "In the game of checkers, you gotta lose a few pawns."
 * "You're just another target now."
 * "You're old like AM radio!"

When running over a Park Drone

 * "Hmm... I can scrape 'im up later an' make some pie!"
 * "Easier than spankin' gophers!"

Missions

 * "What's wrong with you, Crash? I need power to bring this beauty to life! Do you think I enjoy being slow? Bring me the Crystals if you want more exciting races. Exciting races make people on TV watch you, Crash. Watch you win... Then you will be a big star, ya?"
 * "Ohh, darling, why do you torture me so?! I need those Crystals for mein car! Do you not understand this? Don't you care?"
 * "Okay. Okay, I am done talking to you. Look. This is me not talking to you. Get those Crystals before I blow my schnitzel!"
 * "Hey Crash, I think you're liking this car, ya? Perhaps I will give it to you for many park tokens... Many!"
 * "What is this? Oh, surely you are joking, Crashikins, ya? Joking... You cannot buy a ride on mein jolly jumper with this few coins!"
 * "Again you return without the coins I asked for. ...ha ha ha... This is a joke, ya? Another one of your funnies. Oh, it is to laugh..."
 * "Und now the joke is a little tired, ya? Why do you do this? Hey, come back here! Perhaps you like Von Clutch, ya? Perhaps Von Clutch should embrace you."

When interacting with Crash

 * "Hello! Have you seen Willie Wumpacheeks? I'm thirsty!"
 * "Ah! Who are you? What are you wanting with me?"
 * "Oh my goodness! Crash Bandicoot! My videogame hero! I'm wanting autograph, ya?"

When starting a race

 * "Ya, ya, ya. May the best cyborg win. And we all know who that is."
 * "Victory is in the palm of mein hand! Hallo, victory, you're very cute down there."
 * "Von Clutch will win! You can go home."
 * "Once I have control, I will do away with you all."
 * "Oh, I do hope my dear mahti is watching on the crystal ball. Hallo, mahti!"
 * "Okay, let's get this over with. I got to go make pishee."
 * "Oh, the pitbull is ranging through mein carburetor! I'm feeling powerful! Und a little crazy."
 * "I hope this doesn't take too long. I have a chemical peel in one hour."
 * "This is where I make all of you look bad."
 * "Time to say bye-bye to Von Clutch!"
 * "Oh, the anticipation is excrutiating! Hope it lasts, ya?"
 * "Who let the dogs out? Bark! Bark! Bark bark!"

When destroying opponent vehicle

 * "Hahaha! I throw the bomb and it goes BOOM!"
 * "Fahrn fahrn fahrn auf der autobahn!"
 * "Hahaha, look at you now, dummkopff!"
 * "Muzik. Nonstop. Dummkopff!"
 * "Serves you right for getting my way!"
 * "I'm terribly sorry... NOT!"
 * "Ya there's more where that came from, dummkopff!
 * This is what happens when you play with fire and I'm a rolling flame!"
 * "Hoohoo! Don't do that at home, kiddes!"
 * "You like Von Clutch's present for you, ya?"
 * "It's my party, I'll destroy if I want to!"
 * "My skills are sharp like razor, ya?"
 * "This is done on a closed track with a professoinal driver ... NOT!"

Carrying an item

 * "What should I use this for, I ask?"
 * "Ohh, I am tingling with delight! At least I think that's delight."
 * "I will never let you go again."
 * "Cha-ching!"
 * "Oh, I just love winning prizes!"
 * "Oooh, another prize for Von Clutch! I'm such a good boy."

When being destroyed by opponent vehicle

 * "All is lost!"
 * "Abandon Ship! Abandon Ship."
 * "Hush, my precious. Time to sleep."
 * "This is a long way to walk home"
 * "Mein auto controls is haywire. Medic!"

When running over a Park Drone

 * "Oh, my most sincere apologies! Ha!"
 * "Oh, Von Clutch is so sorry! Hee hee hee!"
 * "I know that shouldn't feel good. But it does!"

Missions

 * "Ol' Stewbie-doo needs a little help from you. You see, Ol' Stew has been runnin' around the hen house again and some ol' nasty chicken's been leavin' our eggs all over the place. If I don't find those eggs, my old lady will kill Stew. Go get me those eggs, boy! I'll make it worth your while."
 * "What's wrong with you boy? Stew said all the eggs!"
 * "Crash! Whatcha doin' to me, man? My missus will pluck me down to the gizzard if she sees those eggs, and I'm mysteriously rootin' from the spot! I... can't... move!"
 * "You just toyin' with the Stew, ain'tcha? This is how you get your kicks, playin' with ol' Stew when he's in a jam. Stew needs a hug!"
 * "Oh, thank you boy. Thank you so much! Stew don't belong in no dog house, you know what I'm sayin'? You go check your garage. Stew be havin' a little surprise in there for ya."