List of quotes in Crash Tag Team Racing said by Doctor Neo Cortex

This is a list of quotes said by Doctor Neo Cortex in Crash Tag Team Racing. (video 1), (video 2).

Cutscenes

 * "Ha ha ha! It's only a matter of time before we deal with these meddlesome rodents forever! Hahahahahaha- Ow!" [Hit by chicken thrown by Crash]
 * "What is the meaning of this? Have you any idea with whom you are dealing?"
 * "Well tingle all you want. I have an appointment with world domination."
 * [Reply to N-Gin's comment about turning Von Clutch's Motorworld into a new base of operations] Yes. A new sinister base, all the churros we can eat, and rid ourselves of the bandicoots all at the same time!"
 * "So, if I win you'll hand over the deed to this amusement enterprise? No questions asked?"
 * [When Willie Wumpa Cheeks makes his first appearance] "Holy cannoli! [Jumps behind N-Gin] What is that thing?"
 * "Okay Von Clutch we're in. Where do we start?"
 * "I haven't put my crooked finger on it yet folks, but something's fishy around here. There's someone or something rigging these tracks, and it should be me!"
 * "Curses. Some sinister force is upstaging my evil plan! Curses, Curses, CURSES!"
 * "Those retched bandicoots foiled my plan to take over this amusement enterprise!"
 * [Reply to N-Gin giggling insanely] "Stop having fun! Oblierate them!"
 * [When his shot fails] "What?"
 * [When Crash throws a chicken into his ship's engine] "I hate chicken."
 * [When his ship starts malfunctioning] "We'll meet again Crash Bandicoooottttt! (Voice fades away)

Missions

 * "Oh, it's you, Crash. Look, there's something fishy going on here, and I don't mean the salmon churros. I need to do a little sneaking around, but I can't, because... my head's too big! I mean, look at me. I stick out like a chocolate bar in a swimming pool! If I'm going to get to the bottom of this, I need you to get me something black and slimming to wear. I don't want my butt to look so big!"
 * "Look, why are you back here if you don't have what I need? Crash, listen to me, and try to get this through your furry skull. If you want answers, you'll need to get me something black and fetching!"
 * "Ugh... Why are you still here and talking to me, Crash? Go... go on... fetch!"
 * "Crash, I swear, if you bother me once more, it's laser to the eyeball time!"
 * "Oh, now this is nice! I can go anywhere in this little number! Whoever is behind all this won't know what hit them. Oh, and take this Power Crystal. I found it in a dumpster covered in that disgusting Wumpa Whip, so... I don't want to keep it."
 * "Oh, Crash! Um... Coco asked me to get this car working for her but it's missing a key engine component. If you find a set of high-quality gears, would you bring them to me?"
 * "Oh, good. It will make your sister so happy."
 * "Crash, you blithering imbecile! Can't you do anything right? You're the worst mutation I've ever created! Bring me those gears, now!!"
 * "Crash, why are you back here? -angrily- You're making me very--! Uh.. You're making your sister sad."
 * "Crash, you cantankerous twerp! What are you even doing back here?"
 * "SHUT UP!! Get me that gear!"
 * "You did it! You brought me the last part I needed! Crash, you fool. With this car, I will win the deed to the park for sure, and destroy every Bandicoot foolish enough to face me on the tracks!"
 * "Ohhhh, Crash! Can you help me out? I need Power Crystals to charge my new weapon of mass uh... helping people. Can you bring me some Crystals to fuel my latest creation and... help as many people as possible?"
 * "Crash, you blithering imbecilic boob! How am I supposed to destro... help you Bandicoots without enough Power Crystals? Get moving, hairball!"
 * "Maybe I wasn't clear, Crash. If I'm going to... help the people of the world, I need those Power Crystals! Good ones! These weapons of mass helping people don't build themselves, you know!"
 * "Oh yes that's right. Stand there and hit the talk button to annoy the mad scientist. Next you'll spin attack I suppose. Just get me those Crystals you idiot!"
 * "Ohhhh, long, firm Power Crystals to fuel my new rampaging creation. Meet me on the racetracks Crash. And I will show you a real car."

When interacting with Crash

 * "Ah, yes. Crash, my dear boy. Haven't you some train tracks to play on?"
 * "Crash! What a surprise! I have a blaster gun with your name on it! Wait here."
 * "Crash! You really must assist me, dear boy. I dropped my chewing gum in that wood chipper over there. Would you be so kind as to retrieve it for me?"
 * "Crash! You're looking very fit and trim! Those palates are doing wonders for your figure."
 * "Hello, Crash Bandicoot! Goodbye, Crash Bandicoot."
 * "Hello Crash. It's always a torture-- Uh, I mean... Pleasure to see you."
 * "Hey Crash! Willie Wumpa Cheeks has a dripping problem with his Wumpa Pumpa. Why don't you go plug it up?"
 * "Oh, do I despise that orange-pelted rodent. Uhh... Ah, Crash! My old pal! I was just on a tirade about you!"
 * "Salutations, my dear Crash. Very soon I shall find you a new home in the afterlife."
 * "Ugh! Crash Bandicoot, stop hounding me!"
 * "Why Crash Bandicoot! My old friend! Have you ever heard the Cortex proverb that revenge is a dish best served with fava beans? Hmm. Well remind me to tell you sometime."
 * "Yes, yes! Don't bother me, Crash! Can't you see I'm working on your demise?! The nerve!"

When attacked by Crash

 * "I thought you liked me!"
 * "Oh, the pain of it all!"
 * "Why me?! I'm so pretty!"
 * "It's juvie all over again!"
 * "When I get my ray gun, you're through!"
 * "Just back off, man!"
 * "You can't do that to me! No one can!"
 * "Why would you do that?"
 * "The pain! The sweet pain!"
 * "Nobody makes me bleed from there!"
 * "Stop it, please!"
 * "Meanie!"
 * "Ow!"

When starting a race

 * "After I win, I want to be hand-fed grapes and drink lots of creamy soda."
 * "Attention, everyone! Follow me!"
 * "Fill 'er up and check my oil!"
 * "How much longer till we get there?!"
 * "I bore easily. Do try and keep up."
 * "It's okay everyone. I'll hold back a bit to keep an interesting."
 * "May the best cheat win!"
 * "My, my. So many balloons of hope for me to pop."
 * "Now, I may attack other drivers. Okay, I will attack other drivers."
 * "Now, when the flag lowers, everyone, hit reverse!"
 * "Okay, dregs of society! Time to learn who the real mad doctor is here!"
 * "Soon you will all taste the sour conception of defeat!"
 * "This race is a trivial challenge to a genius like me!"
 * "Keep the root beer on ice. This won't take long."
 * "Wait, wait! I'm not buckled in!"

When starting from a standstill

 * "Who's your daddy?"
 * "Hey! Pretty good pickup in this heap!"
 * "Nice skid marks!"
 * "Engage!"
 * "Rolling rolling rolling!"
 * "Yeehaw!"
 * "Mad scientist coming through!"
 * "1.2 gigawatts of power!"
 * "I feel the need! The need for acceleration!"
 * "Oh, I love that rumbling sensation."
 * "Fear my fossil fueled wrath!"
 * "Such power! Such speed! I'm quite a catch!"
 * "I just love when that happens."
 * "Down, boy! Steady!"
 * "Ladies react very favorable to that."
 * "Impressive! Most impressive!"
 * "I am Cortex, hear me roar!"
 * "I've got lots of torque, and I'm not afraid to use it!"
 * "Burn baby burn! Like a disco inferno!"

When passing by an opponent vehicle

 * "Last time I saw a car like that, someone was feeding it hay!"
 * "Breaker 1.9! Here comes rubber ducky!"
 * "Hahaha! I'm funky fresh, and beautiful!"
 * "You see? I knew that extra quart of oil would work! -belch-"
 * "Ain't my backside pretty?"
 * "Make way for Agent Beauty!"
 * "Who's your daddy?"
 * "And to think, I didn't meet the height requirements for this ride -chuckles-"
 * "Little do they know, I flunked driver's ed."
 * "Bow before my rancid villainy!"
 * "Tell me, how does losing feel?"

When passed by an opponent vehicle

 * "Where's the highway patrol when you need them?"
 * "Back off, homeboy!"
 * "Well, that's not a very nice thing to do."
 * "Apparently they don't realize... I'M supposed to win!"
 * "I just know my hair tuffs are causing wind drag."
 * "Somebody's not aware that I'm the king of the road!"
 * "You ain't all that."
 * "Perhaps it's time to start racing."
 * "Hey, come on! I really need to get there first!"
 * "Oh, I'll get you for that! Get you good!"
 * "You, filthy peon, get back here so I can whack you!"
 * "Hey, you! Mr. ... guy!"
 * "Hey! Don't make me pull this car over!"
 * "Now, that's a good way to taste the back of my hand."
 * "Oh, I get it. One of us is supposed to come in first!"

When carrying an item

 * "With this, I will do pathetically horrible deeds."
 * "Haha! Jewels! More jewels!"
 * "Crystals are a doctor's best friend."
 * "This will surely come in handy for evil."
 * "Ohh, shiny!"
 * "Oh, nice!"
 * "That's great! What's it for?"
 * "Now the circle of pain is complete."
 * "Oh would you look at that? A present!"
 * "The power! The power!"
 * "Oh, how excellent!"
 * "Every mad scientist's dream."
 * "I'm hiding this Crystal in my special place."
 * "No one will ever take this from me. No one!"
 * "I'll have enough for a fine pearl necklace soon."
 * "Begin quivering with excitement."
 * "Powers of Cortex, activate!"
 * "Better me than any of those other nitwits."
 * "I will build a super weapon of incredible destructive force! Eventually."
 * "Where on Earth am I going to keep all this booty?"
 * "I really ought to turn this into lost and found. Not!"
 * "Hahaha! The wonderful power!"
 * "Mine! Mine! All mine!"
 * "I'll find a wonderful home for you, little jewel."
 * "I'm happy! I'm really, really happy!"
 * "Another for the collection!"

When brushing against an opponent vehicle

 * "Stop your whining! I'm insured!"
 * "Why me?"
 * "Save the brain!"
 * "This is just great!"
 * "Send a bill to the office!"
 * "Was that trip really necessary?"
 * "Such violence in a children's park! Tsk! Tsk!"
 * "Going to need a new kidney from my organ donor clone!"
 * "Relax, Cortex. You know their weakness: Doomsday weapons!"
 * "Scum off, bat-bag! I mean... oh, never mind."
 * "That was more painful than it looked. Really."
 * "Why does this always happen to me?!"
 * "Pick on someone your own size, shrimpy!"
 * "Don't try that at home, kiddies!"
 * "Why can't I get the elbow room I deserve?"
 * "I'm calling my mommy on you!"
 * "Blast you, Sunday driver!"
 * "Watch the paint, watch the paint!"
 * "I think I wet myself!"
 * "Excuse me gamer, are you TRYING to make me lose?!"
 * "Ugh! What sicko came up with this ride?"
 * "That's no way to treat a man on his way to church!"
 * "There goes my good insurance rate!"
 * "You're just making it worse for yourself."
 * "Mmph! I swallowed my beard!"
 * "Hey! That hurt!"
 * "Come on, Cortex, you can do better than that!"
 * "I skinned my knee!"
 * "Now how am I supposed to respond to that action?"
 * "Wow, that was fun, and a little scary too."
 * "Come back here and plow into me like a man!"
 * "Now why in the world was that necessary?"
 * "Sometimes I feel like a motherless Cortex."
 * "Hey there! Watch where I'M driving!"
 * "Ta-ta! You should know better than to mess with a man's wheels!"
 * "Hey, hey, I'm driving here!"
 * "Uh! You're a lawsuit waiting to happen!"
 * "Excuse me, buster, but where were you when they went over the rules?"
 * "I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that this park is not entirely safe."
 * "That had better not have been on purpose, YOU!"
 * "Mad scientists have the right of way! Jerk!"
 * "That was a close shave! ...With razor bumps!"
 * "Where's your sense of decency, man!?"
 * "Now how did that not end in a fiery death?"
 * "My great skills of nearsightedness caused that!"
 * "That surely shaved a year or so off my life!"
 * "Hey there! Watch where I'm going!"
 * "Nothing like a soothing drive in the country..."
 * "Hey there buddy, this isn't California you know!"
 * "I'll bet he won't have to shave for a week!"
 * "Shoot! I'll get him on the next lap!"
 * "Why did I ever remove that wonderful cow catcher?"
 * "Hmm. I must have my contacts checked."
 * "Rusty, Cortex, you're getting rusty!"
 * "How in the world did I miss that lollygagger?"
 * "I would've hit him, but this game is rated 'E'."
 * "Choke on my exhaust, pedestrian scum!"
 * "Vehicular man slaughter!? I like the sound of that!"

When brushing against a wall

 * "Not my baby!"
 * "Hurt my ride, you hurt me! Wait... I probably shouldn't say that."
 * "Ouch, ouch, and double ouches!"
 * "Somebody get me a tissue!"
 * "Great! I just washed this vehicle!"
 * "Oh the humanity!"
 * "Hit me! Do I not bleed?"
 * "Oh, now who put that there?"
 * "Nooo! I love this car!"
 * "AHH! My car!"
 * "Is this the price of victory?"
 * "¿Dónde están mis pantalones? (Where are my pants?)"
 * "How am I going to talk my way out of this one?"
 * "Oh yeah? Well, the more you hit me, the weaker I become!"
 * "I don't like this part of the race much."
 * "Summon my proctologist!"

When flying through the air

 * "It's the only way to fly!"
 * "Woohoo! I'm a big beautiful bird!"
 * "I always was the best student at evil medical school."
 * "This is great, but re-entry can be rough."
 * "If madmen were meant to fly, our cheeks would be filled with helium!"
 * "Woohoo! I can see my house from here!"
 * "Hey! I never read the landing procedure!"
 * "Uh-oh. That burrito is making an encore visit!"
 * "Woohoo! Get a load of my sweet tricky!"
 * "Now this is what I call an E-ticket ride!"
 * "Up up and away!"
 * "Okay Luke, I'm starting my run!"
 * "Whoa! I think I'm going to be sick!"

When attacking an opponent vehicle

 * "I hope you enjoy the taste of hot vengeance."
 * "Sayonara, sappy!"
 * "Now that had to hurt! Ehhahaha!"
 * "Ingest the sugary goodness of my evil!"
 * "Taste my smoldering intellect!"
 * "Hahaha! Just like back in Da Nang!"
 * "That's just wrong! ...But it sure feels right."
 * "How did that deliciousness taste?"
 * "I shouldn't enjoy this so much!"
 * "The next one is going right up your nose."
 * "Yes! Chalk up another point for scum and villainy!
 * "Fiery ordinance, the gift that keeps on giving."
 * "Hey, I'm getting pretty good at this!"
 * "My skills are honed like a spride jungle cat! Meow!"
 * "Back you animals!"

When destroying an opponent vehicle

 * "Oh! Now I do feel guilty about that one!"
 * "Flame on!"
 * "It's so good to be so bad."
 * "Don't worry, that was a mercy killing."
 * "Toodle-oo!"
 * "It's not my fault he sucks platypus eggs!"
 * "You have met my destiny! Nice, isn't it?"
 * "Now you know who the real mad scientist is!"
 * "I'd say he's not operational. ..hehehe..."
 * "Ohh, I did a bad thing! Eeheehee."
 * "So sorry! Not!"
 * "Chalk off another booby!"
 * "Another shrimp on the barbie!"
 * "You win some, you lose some."
 * "Next time, just call in sick."
 * "Everyone's gotta go sometime!"
 * "I visit upon you terrible friction!"
 * "Burn, baby, burn! Disco inferno!"

When destroyed by an opponent vehicle

 * "Boo-hoo! My beautiful ride!"
 * "I'm all brains and no gas."
 * "Uh! This ought not happen to a Cortex!"
 * "Ohh!! For heaven's sake, someone put it out of its misery!"
 * "How did I ever get stuck with this heap?"
 * "Well, I will most surely lodge a complaint at city hall!"
 * "Uh, excuse me. Can anyone give me a lift home?"
 * "Ugh. To think I was top of my class in evil medical school."
 * "I hope none of my henchmen saw that."
 * "MOMMY!!!"
 * "I don't deserve this!"
 * "You'll probably blame me for this, won't you?"
 * "I'll take the rest in a doggy bag."
 * "Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?"
 * "Evil madman... will work for shiny new vehicle!"
 * "Waiter! Check, please!"
 * "I knew I shouldn't have tossed that bus transfer!"

When hit by a weapon

 * "AAAHHH!!!! I wet my pants..."
 * "I wonder if that will affect my lease agreement."
 * "Well, there's sportsmanship for you."
 * "Hey! Aren't you supposed to be on my team?"
 * "That's it! I want my money back!"
 * "Fool! Watch where you're aiming that thing!"
 * "OHHH!! I lost my ATM card!"
 * "Is that any way to treat a feeble old man?"
 * "You're mean you know that? Meanie!"
 * "Stop that! Only villains get to shoot at people!"
 * "Hey, when I hit you, I didn't mean you could hit back!"
 * "Two can play at that game, weasel!"
 * "Sheesh! I'd rather be a hammer than a nail!"
 * "Ohhh, the pain!"
 * "We're a peaceful planet. We have no weapons!"

When breaking a trackside target

 * "Ooh! I hope there's something devilish in there!"
 * "I just adore that sound, don't you?"
 * "Goodies! Goodies for me!"
 * "Smashing just happens to be one of my specialties."
 * "I saw it first!"
 * "What I don't use I can sell on the internet."
 * "They don't build crates like they used to."
 * "Oh, um... Coco did it."
 * "Now who broke that? Jinkies, what a mystery!"
 * "I feel so... satisfied!"
 * "Whoopsie, my bad!"
 * "Now that's why I chose to be a bad guy!"
 * "Crumble, you fool!"
 * "Cortex giveth and Cortex taketh away."
 * "Put your hands up and give me the goods!"
 * "Break open and shine riches upon me!"
 * "What does my fortune say, sweet little cookie?"
 * "A golden shower of riches for me!"

When running over a park drone

 * "Yes! 10 points!"
 * "Oops! Sorry! Hehe..."
 * "My, my, was that you?"
 * "Hmm. I really ought to go back and pick him up. NOT!"
 * "Hmm! Chalk off another roadkill!"
 * "It's really not my policy to pick up hitchhikers."
 * "An evil maniac's gotta do what an evil maniac's gotta do!"
 * "Take that, animatronic booby!"
 * "Heavens! I enjoyed that too much!"
 * "Cry all you want! I can't hear you! Lalalalalalalalalala!"
 * "Officer, he just walked right out onto the road!"
 * "I haven't laughed like that since I was a schoolgirl!"
 * "Yes! Like a deer in the headlights!"

When clashing

 * "Trust me, this is good for both of us."
 * "Together, you and I will do very bad things."
 * "Wow, that felt good!"
 * "My heavens, we got us a convoy!"
 * "Now you do a good job as my partner or I've got a ray gun with your name on it!"
 * "Now move a little to the left... That's better."
 * "I'll bet the gas mileage is dreadful in this thug!"
 * "Now this is what I call a Sports Utility Vehicle!"
 * "How do you like it on the dark side, huh?"
 * "You're chassis or mine?"
 * "Not bad! We need to see each other more often."
 * "Like my parasitic twin used to say, 'Two heads are better than one!'"
 * "You know how to shoot, don't you? Just curl your finger around the trigger and pull."
 * "It's obvious. We were meant to be together."
 * "Can you sense the antici....pation?"

When declashing

 * "Oh, I'm sorry. Were we a team?"
 * "And I'm spent."
 * "Cortex is a lone wolf; a bald eagle; a burrowing hamster."
 * "Thanks for your help. Now stay out of my way, vermin!"
 * "Talk to the hand! Buh-bye!"
 * "I can't be seen with you. I just can't."
 * "Look, I think we should see other people."
 * "I've had it with you, meddling kid!"
 * "Stay away from me, you freak!"
 * "Now tell me how my backside looks. Tell me!"
 * "You're just not evil enough for me."

When winning a race

 * "You want to try that again, smarty pants?"
 * "Is I good or is I good?"
 * "Better luck next time, loser!"
 * "Oh, I get it. You're TRYING to hit me."
 * "I'm quick and nimble like a little cockroach."
 * "You must be Agent 00 Zero: Licensed to miss."
 * "Nice shot. Next time, try AIMING!"
 * "Oh, Cortex, when will they ever learn?"
 * "Nice try! Next time, open your eyes when firing!"
 * "Trust me, it's easier when you don't SUCK pig toes."
 * "Really? You should go and find an easier target than me."
 * "Close, but no long cigar."
 * "Hahahaha! Sweet victory! Alright, what'd I win?"
 * "Yes, yes, hold your applause. Just throw loose change and social security checks."
 * "Now, now, I shall donate all of my winnings to a most deserving charity-- Me!"
 * "Who let the canines out? Woof, Woof, Woof!"
 * "Sweet, sweet victory!"
 * "The doctor is in!"
 * "Oh, I just love success."
 * "In the battle between good and evil, evil always wins. Because good is dumb."
 * "And daddy thought I would amount to nothing."
 * "Okay, where's my showcase? Where's my showcase?"
 * "I owe it all to you, my unworthy opponents."
 * "Can I purchase that big pink teddy bear now? Huh? Huh?"
 * "Is this where I win my lifetime supply of used nose plugs?"
 * "Bow before the master of speed and delinquency!"
 * "Yes, yes. Throw the losers to the rabid hogs."

When losing a race

 * "Haha! Yes! Err... Oh. I meant to do that."
 * "Well, really, I'm more of a tiddlywinks man."
 * "Haha! Uh, actually, I'm just trying to psyche you out, DUDE."
 * "Next time I'll miss you a little closer!"
 * "That's just wrong in every sense of the word!"
 * "Obviously, I'm in a generous mood today."
 * "Scram all you want, but you're going to get your medicine."
 * "I have plenty more where that came from!"
 * "I hope there's a remedy for my filthy shame."
 * "Where did my training fail me?"
 * "I'm just softening you up for my souffle o' pain."
 * "As you can see, I like to toy with my prey first."
 * "-sobbing- I've been robbed!"
 * "Well, who's stupid idea was this anyhow?"
 * "Just as I suspected. Losing isn't everything."
 * "Oh! Why did I even bother?"
 * "Oh, how will I ever face...mother?"
 * "You know, there's never a time machine around when you need one."
 * "Oh well. It's everyone else's fault but mine."
 * "Perhaps my evil plan needs to be... eviler... um... yeah."
 * "Oh well. Winning is for losers anyhow."
 * "What are you looking at, buster? It sure isn't my fault!"
 * "Somedays it just doesn't pay to leave your iceberg lair."
 * "Oh, the agony of defeat!"
 * "Always a bridesmaid and never... uh... nevermind."
 * "I'm such a sore loser! Anyone have any chewable aspirin?"

Credits

 * "Hello, Michelle! Be seeing you later. Oh, and Michelle, say hi to Joel's kids, Neo Andrew and Neo Nichole."
 * "Mr. Plumbly, you really know how to shoot one pass the goalie! Wink wink, nudge nudge! Little Plumbly is proof of that."
 * "Isn't he going to thank his wife, or kids?"
 * "Hi, Elyssa! And the cutest girl in the world."
 * "Trevor Lim would like to thank the Olsen Twins, whom he's never met."
 * "Darren would like to thank no one. He did it all himself!"
 * "Oh, Jeff, what is up, big dog? How's it hanging in the hood?"
 * "Kevin would like to thank everyone that made a joke with his name in high school, and point out that they probably work in a mall now."
 * "Konichiwa, Maki-chan."
 * "Angus would like to thank the whole world for putting up with his horrible attitude, while he traveled the globe!"
 * [Reply to N. Gin's comment about the guy getting all the chicks] "Sure, sure he does, but they're ugly!"
 * [Reply to N. Gin talking about the Gmail] "Uh, hold on! Let me get my pen!"
 * "Ian says thank you, Mom, Dad, and David. How...sickening!"
 * "Matthew, see you next Tuesday! Or was it Wednesday? Thursday-- No, Friday-- Ahh!"
 * "Peter would like to thank his lovely wife Wendy and cat Lucy for all their support."
 * "Hello, Corey's wife, Laura. You dirty girl!"
 * "And to my favorite niece, Amy Gross. Nothing gross about her."
 * "And Bill Farmer, if only he were one."
 * "Chris Coppola, man of a thousand voices, but unfortunately, no personality."
 * "And Duane Shephard. Nobody says ********* with such authority."
 * "Jess Harnell, please, tell your neighbor, the captain, that I said hi, and that I'm in a rock band! Ahaha!"
 * "And Lex Lang. Oh! I hope to someday meet him!"
 * "Lydian, the most polite man on the planet."

Unused

 * "Haha! And time to spare!"
 * "Well, I certainly hope I didn't keep you waiting too long!"
 * "I'm here, you can start the party!"
 * "Boys to the left, and girls--go home!"
 * "Okay, where's the nearest concession stand?"
 * "Alrighty! My bladder is full and I'm feeling desperate!"
 * "Is this what we're racing for? What a letdown!"
 * "Okay, what's next?"
 * "Have I defeated the feeble forces of good yet?"
 * "Is it time for my barefoot shiatsu yet?"
 * "How was my time? Did I beat any records?"
 * "How on Earth did my underpants get on backwards?!"
 * "Hurry, hurry! The time is nigh!"
 * "Come on, C biscuit!"
 * "Losing power, must turn off radio!"
 * "Quick, you, at the controls! Save me from modder humiliation!"
 * "Come on, you! Pick up the pace!"
 * "Hey, you, gamer! You know, it's not just my reputation on the line here!"
 * "What a terrific time for my hemorrhoids to start flaring up!"
 * "Full steam ahead!"
 * "The clock is ticking. Stop the ticking!"
 * "Now would be a good time to at least TRY to win!"
 * "I knew I shouldn't have woken up this morning. Curses me!"
 * "I just know there has to be more to life than this..."
 * "If only my daddy had not dropped me on my soft spot..."
 * "Well, of course I'm certain! Wait... Someone might see me talking to myself. Act natural..."
 * "This and a pair of meat shoes and we're in business!"
 * "All my life I've waited for Crash's love... I can wait some more."
 * "I wonder where I get my film processed here."
 * "This place is a rather large scam if you ask me."
 * "Von Clutch is a ninny! He must know I always cheat!"
 * "Honestly, it's not the glory I'm after. It's the cash!"
 * "How about some waffles?"
 * "Why am I surrounded by idiots?"
 * "I'm so glad that Uka Uka is not in this game. That floating fascist!"
 * "I made shoes out of Dingodile!"
 * "Oh, put a sock in it!"
 * "One day I will have Tawna as my trophy wife."
 * "Did you know that in Japan, Wumpas are just apples?"