Crash: Mind Over Mutant script

This page is comprised of all cutscenes and quotes in Crash: Mind Over Mutant.

Notes:
 * Lines listed with bullet points play at random (rather than sequentially) when a given condition is met.
 * Animated cutscenes are marked with (A), in-engine cutscenes are marked with (G), and in-game lines are marked with (L).
 * Cutscenes without dialogue are not recorded.
 * Repeated lines are not re-transcribed after the first instance.

Worst Contact (A)
[This cutscene is done in the style of a puppet show. It opens with a still frame of a Crash puppet carrying a defeated Cortex puppet in his mouth. Fade to a scene of Coco's puppet fiddling with the fallen Doominator while Crash mills about aimlessly.]

Coco: "Oh, stupid thing, work!"

Crunch: "Wow, we should clean this place up, childrens. It's been like a metric year!"

Coco: "Uh, who's gonna make us, you? I don't think so."

Crash: (snickers)

Crunch: "Okay, guess I'll just say some catchphrases. Drink lemonade, vitamin C."

[Coco pulls on a wire inside the Doominator and electrifies herself, catching on fire.]

Coco: "Ow! Ah! Hot hot hot!"

Crunch: "I gotcha."

[Crunch produces a fire extinguisher and extinguishes Coco.]

Coco: (screams)

Crunch: "Heheheheh!"

Coco: (sighs) "If I get this Doominator eye working, we'll have the best entertainment system of all time! It'll play games, watch movies, and dispense butter! It'll be the mother of all TiVos!"

Crash: "Wahoo!"

Crunch: "That does sound good. Butter? And where'd I get this? Short-term memory loss. Confused! And where'd I get this?"

Coco: "Crash, to get this thing working I'll need a bunch of parts. Here's a list. First up is the capacitron by my house."

[Crash takes the list in his mouth and walks away as the screen fades to black.]

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "To do your classic spin attack, quickly rotate the left analogue stick. Spinning is a great attack, and also a way to quickly collect mojo."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Nice one, Crash! That powerup will double the amount of mojo you collect for a short time, so hurry up and break stuff!"

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, you've unlocked the spin upgrade. Now you can spin longer before getting dizzy.

Aku Aku (voiceover): "These voodoo dolls will unlock special rewards for you, Crash. Collect all of them to get tons of cool stuff."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Do a spin-jump and get some real height. Rotate the left analogue stick and press the button."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, this item indicates a mojo challenge for you. You will be constrained by special rules, but if you succeed, you'll gain a valuable treasure of mojo."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, you need to spin on top of this to make it work. Luckily, I hear that spinning is something you do pretty well by now."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, this is a spot where the spin drill move would be useful. Try doing it here to advance."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, bandicoots are great diggers, and you are no exception. When you see diggable stuff like this, rotate the left analogue stick, then, the button to dig through the ground here.

Aku Aku (voiceover): "If you're hanging onto a ledge, you can fall down by pressing the button."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "It's a little windy here, Crash. You'll have to time your jump when the wind is low to safely reach the other side."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "To use this, Crash, you'll need a little help from a friend. Another person balancing on the other end would make it much easier."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, go into your house on Wumpa Island and check out the concept art."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Well done! We've got all the parts!"

Aku Aku (voiceover): "This cave is a shortcut home, Crash. Let's get going."

Parts delivered (L)
Coco: "Finally, Crash. Gimme this stuff and let's fire this sucker up! Watch us some NASCAR."

Crunch: "Yeah, turning left."

N Faux Mercial (A)
[This cutscene is animated in the style of an infomercial. It opens with N. Brio standing against a red background, burdened by the many devices he's carrying.]

Narrator: "Are you tired of having too many gadgets cluttering your life?"

N. Brio: "There's got to be a simpler solution."

[Wipe to Cortex, who is in a studio wearing a bald cap and Groucho glasses.]

Cortex: "And now there is! Ladies and gentlemutants, I present to you: the NV!

Cortex: "Access any file! Talk to your disgusting friends! Watch pay-per-view! And julienne fries!"

[He shoves a potato in his ear and fries come out the other end. He eats one, then gags and spits it out.]

Cortex: "Ew, waxy." (coughs) "And it's certainly not an evil plan. What do you think of that, audience?"

[An audience of Ratnicians clap nervously, as they are being held at gunpoint by Stenches. Cut back to Cortex and a Znu who is wearing a banana peel on its head.]

Cortex: "Bad credit? No credit? Disgusting personal habits? Just put on a helmet already!"

[N. Brio appears and puts on an NV.]

N. Brio: "Yes! Now I have more time to devote to my hobbies, like falconry and classical cheeses. Thank you, NV, for giving me... technological bliss."

[A falcon poops on his head. The NV is shown against a glowing background.]

Cortex: "But wait, you revolting peons! There's more! I just... can't think of it right now."

[Cut back to Cortex.]

Cortex: "Now how much would you expect to pay for this technological superiority? Let's hear some guesses, sheeple!"

[Cut back to the audience, who are reading off of cards.]

Znu: "Eleventy-thousand dineros."

Ratnician: "Twenty to the square root of itself in currency... or more."

Other Ratnician: "Uh, sir, uh, begging your pardon but I, uh, think I have a defective card, 'cause uh... it says nothing!"

[He is vaporized by a Stench. Cut to Cortex.]

Cortex: "It's my great pleasure to announce that this handsome product will arrive at the doors of Wumpa Island inhabitants free of charge!"

[A Znu is shown delivering an NV set to a Bratgirl. She puts it on and blasts him with a laser function it apparently has. Cut to a preview of other products.]

Narrator: "From the people who brought you the electric spoon and I Can't Believe It's Not Tolstoy! Call now and you'll also recieve Neckbeard-in-a-Can!"

[A Ratnician is shown looking dejected near some Bratgirls who are ignoring him.]

Narrator: "Got a problem? Spray some hair on it!"

[The Neckbeard-in-a-Can is magically sprayed on his neck, causing the girls to flock to him. The background changes to a glowing spiral that is briefly interrupted by a flashing image of Cortex relaxing on the beach.]

Narrator: "Stare into the dancing lights! Stare and dream!" (scream) "Stare and dream! Get your NV today."

[The heads of the NV's customers are shown against a starry background, which is interrupted by a flashing image of N. Brio wearing a bath towel.]

Narrator: "Soon to be available everywhere but Arkansas."

Coco and Crunch (L)
Coco: "Wow! That thing looked amazing! We should totally get us some."

Crunch: "Yeah! Games! Messaging! Dancing lights."

NVs arrive (G)
Aku Aku: "Mail call!"

Coco: "Yay! Gimme gimme gimme!"

Coco: "Oh my God! Somebody sent us NVs!"

[They put them on.]

N Coming Message (A)
[This cutscene is animated in a psychedelic style. Coco and Crunch are standing in the yard, wearing their NVs.]

Coco: "This is ultra-cool. I'm sending Crunch a text message."

Crunch: "I just got a text message. From Coco! I'mma reply."

[Crash attempts to touch the NV, but it shocks him.]

Crash: (cries out in pain)

Aku Aku: "I... guess it doesn't like you, Crash?"

[Crash pokes the NV with a stick. It shocks him again and he disintegrates into a pile of ash.]

Crash: (cries out in pain)

[Aku Aku puts on a helmet, but it doesn't fit.]

Aku Aku: "I'll be honest, guys. I don't see what the big deal is."

Coco: "Oh, oh! Now I'm recieving four hundred text messages a minute from ordained clergy!"

[Suddenly, N. Gin and his Ratnician underlings materialize into view.]

N. Gin: (barks)

[Aku Aku cringes. Crash gets ready for a fight, but is weakened by the shocks he's gotten.]

N. Gin: "I... I forgot what I was going to say. Wait! I got it! Kill the bandicoots with violence! And new holes! A-hah."

[He dematerializes. The Ratnicians cackle and advance.]

Aku Aku: "Come on, everyone! We've got company."

Crunch: "Can't talk, watching monkeys! Look at the monkey! Oh, right in his own mouth."

Aku Aku: "Looks like it's just you and me, Crash."

Aku Aku's commentary (G)
[The camera pans over Crash's house, over to the eastern bridge.]

Aku Aku (voiceover): "N. Gin got away. We've got to find him, Crash."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, he looks pretty tough. If he's blocking your attacks, you must use a charged attack to smash through it."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Good job, Crash!"

Aku Aku (voiceover): "These enemies are strong, Crash, but you're a lot faster. Press the button at the right time to dodge their blow."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "That's one down, two to go, Crash!"

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Nicely done, Crash! Your speed is your greatest asset when fighting big things like that."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Okay Crash, now this enemy is going to do a heavy attack. Time your dodge and counter, and take him out!"

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Brilliant, Crash! I'm so proud of you."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Hmm! You can freeze sparkling water with this titan. Give it a try now."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Oh snap! That powerup lets you do four times the damage for a short time! Hurry up and hit somebody!"

Aku Aku (voiceover): "You can use your sneeze attack to easily freeze blasts of water."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "You can freeze flowing water blasts, then jump on them with your titan."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, you just unlocked a health upgrade. Now watch that health bar grow. A little bit, anyway."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "When you freeze water blasts, you can use a heavy attack to break through them."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "I smell evil and lunacy on the wind. N. Gin must be up ahead somewhere."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "I think there's someone inside here, Crash. Go take a look."

N Trapment (A)
[This cutscene is done in the style of an old black-and-white film. It opens with a still frame of N. Gin casting a shadow onto the wall, then fades into the inside of his hideout. N. Gin is watching something through his telescope.]

Crash: (clears throat)

N. Gin: "What are you doing here? Get out of my special place! I haven't cleaned... or shaved! You weren't supposed to see it like this."

Aku Aku: "N. Gin, what are you even doing here?"

Crash: (confused noise)

N. Gin: "When Doctor Cortex escaped, he left me here. But I have brains! And desires! I will not be ignored! I have been watching you and your delicious sister."

Aku Aku: "Delicious?"

N. Gin: "Precious! I meant precious! (I'm gonna eat her.) Watch! Watch bandicoots, and collect information!"

Aku Aku: "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me."

N. Gin: "And when Cortex is triumphant, I will be rewarded! With glories and showers of presents, like a million Kwanzaas! A-haah! And I, N. Gin, will be made king of Wumpa Island. I'mma be like Serpentor."

Aku Aku: "Ugh. You're totally nuts. Punch him in the throat."

N. Gin: "Not my throat! I need that for swallowing!" (sobs, retches) "Guards!"

[A group of Ratnicians forcibly escorts Crash and Aku Aku out of the building.]

N Is for Evil (A)
[This cutscene is also done in the style of a black and white film. Crash, Aku Aku and N. Gin are all face-to-face inside the hideout.]

Aku Aku: "We've gotta stop meeting like this, N. Gin."

N. Gin: "Wait, stop! Leave me alone! I am too pretty to be throwing punches. For I have been watching and studying you for a lonely year now, with only these idiot rats as company!"

Ratnician: "That's not very nice, boss."

N. Gin: "Quiet, Tina! Or I shall give you the back of my missile!"

Aku Aku: "I'm only gonna say this once, N. Gin. Get off our island."

N. Gin: "I'm sorry, I'm not here to take your message right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep!"

Crash: (growls)

N. Gin: "I'm going, I'm going. It was worth a shot."

Aku Aku: "Let's see what Crunch and Coco are up to. Probably still stuck in their idiotic headsets."

[He looks through the telescope to see Crunch and Coco hanging out in their yard, still wearing the NVs.]

Crunch: "This is increditasticular. I'm getting up-to-the-minute weather reports. It's hot."

Coco: "And I'm attending a symposium on the effect of Hungry Hungry Hippos on children."

[The NVs begin to shake.]

Crunch: "Uh, are they supposed to be doing that?"

Coco: "Ugh, probably a feature. Don't worry about it."

[The NVs begin to spark.]

Crunch: "I feel funny. Not 'ha-ha' funny neither. Foooold your laundry!"

Coco: "Yeaargh!"

[Coco and Crunch are transformed into slavering beasts.]

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "We've got to hurry back and help Coco and Crunch! Get moving, boy!

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, I can store your titan for you so you can take him along. Try it now."

Confronting Coco and Crunch (G)
[The camera pans over the basketball court on top of the Doominator as Crash and Aku Aku arrive. The mutated bandicoots snarl at them. Crash attempts to pull Crunch's NV away, but pokes him in the eye instead.]

Crunch: "Ooooh! Don't touch my gizmo! It's fantabulous."

[He runs away.]

Aku Aku: "Crunch! Come back!"

Coco: (snarls)

[Coco leaps in front of them as Crunch escapes. She then hops into her basketball-launching machine and activates it.]

When Coco attacks

 * "I'm taking over!"
 * "I'll tear you up like a math test!"
 * "May the best blonde win!"
 * "Some hero you are."
 * "Cha-bung!"
 * "Hi-ya!"
 * "Booyah!"
 * "More stang on that one. Eww."
 * "Some are just born to win, Crash!"
 * "I bet I'm in trouble now."
 * "Oh, just block, you big baby!"
 * "Don't worry about it. I've beat people much smarter than you."

When hit by a normal basketball

 * "Bah! My eye!"
 * "Boy, what are you thinking?"
 * "Ow, uh, I'll just walk it off, uh."
 * "I'm gonna cry!"
 * "Ow, that smarted!"
 * "Ha, ha! You'll be the new star of the series at this rate!"
 * "You manic!"
 * "Ouch!"
 * "Hey! That'd better not have left a mark."
 * "Ow, ow, ow!"
 * "What is your malfunction?"
 * "You are playing too rough!"
 * "Ohhh, watch what you're doing, jerk bag!"
 * "Ooh, ooh, it stung!"

When hit by a flaming basketball

 * "Gross, I'm sweating!"
 * "Ehh, it burns! It burns!"
 * "You treat your sister like this?"
 * "This makes no sense!"
 * "This is ridiculous!"
 * "Stop, drop, and roll!"
 * "Ehh, hot, hot hot!"
 * "I'm boiling!"
 * "At least it's a dry heat!"
 * (screeches)
 * "No worrying."
 * "I'm not feeling the love here!"

When attacked directly

 * "You can't take my new toy!"
 * "I will destroy you for this!"
 * "Free me now!"
 * "I must escape!"
 * "I can't use my NV! Not fair!"
 * "Hurry! So pointy!"
 * "Can't move. Totally unfair!"
 * "Stop doing that!"
 * "Leave me alone! Really!"
 * "Just don't hit me now! That'd be unfair."

Aku Aku's commentary
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, did you know that if you time an attack just right, you can hit back projectiles? Well, you do now."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, don't forget that you can use your creature to freeze water in places like this."

Clepto-Braniac (A)
[This cutscene is drawn in the style of American comic books. A still frame is shown of Crash and Cortex standing on either side of the screen, with the word "POW" written between them. It then fades to the basketball court. Coco, defeated, reverts to her normal self.]

Coco: "Uh, hello?"

Aku Aku: "Coco! You're back to normal. The NV loaded you up with some sort of dark mojo. I could feel my brother's influence pervading you."

Coco: "Aw, but it was so cool. Are you sure it was nefarious?"

Aku Aku: "Oh yeah. You practically grew horns."

Coco: "Aw, fudge! Well now I'm mad. The best gizmo in ages is evil."

Aku Aku: "Crunch is still under the NV's control. We need to find where he's going."

Coco: "Relax, boys. I've got a plan."

[She leaps down from the Doominator.]

Coco: "I'll use the eye to hack into the villains' network. Just gimme a sec. Think I've got something. There's a video posted in Cortex's blog."

Aku Aku: "Cortex has a blog?"

Coco: "Oh yeah. All the cool kids do it now. Well, they did two years ago, anyway."

Aku Aku: "Really? I never heard of that."

Coco: "Yeah, big shock. Watch this..."

The Big Twist! (A)
[This cutscene is also drawn in a comic book style. Cortex enters the scene from a door in the Space Head, where he is holding a meeting.]

Cortex: "Ugh! There was a piece of lettuce in the urinal. Who eats a sandwich while going to the bathroom? Seriously. Anywho, minions! I stand before you reborn! Renewed! Recommitted to evil!"

[He throws a water balloon at a Ratnician in the audience.]

Ratnician: "Augh!"

Cortex: "And, I've made up with an old colleague. Join me in welcoming Nitrus Brio!"

[N. Brio emerges from a port in the floor.]

N. Brio: "Yes, it is I, N. Brio! My name sounds like a fetus. Hm. No doubt you all remember me as the creator of the Evolvo-Ray!"

Uka Uka: "That was him? I thought Cortex did that."

N. Brio: "Of course it was me. I invented the Evolvo-Ray, and mutagenetic techniques still used by that treacherous Cortex today! I. Was in. The first! Game!"

[N. Brio becomes large and green, then drinks his mutagen to return to normal.]

N. Brio: "Mm. Lovely mutagen. So good. And I'm very happy to be back."

Uka Uka: "Yes. It's been forever since we've done some old-school evil."

Cortex: "Oh, and I've got some old-school evil in mind. Allow me to present the NV!"

[A cloth is raised off a table, revealing a Sludge wearing an NV.]

N. Brio: "That looks totally awesome. I designed it and I want four of them."

Cortex: "Best of all, with it I can create the most powerful mutants ever! And ones totally under my control. Watch."

[Cortex pushes a button that activates the NV. The Sludge roars and comes to life.]

Cortex: "Totally cool, n'est-ce pas? Check this out."

[He pushes the button again, and the Sludge grabs Uka Uka, restraining him.]

Uka Uka: "Cortex! What is the meaning of this? Release me immediately."

Cortex: "I used to run this operation! And it's time I did again."

N. Brio: "Yes, go for it, Doctor Cortex. Eye of the tiger. Hadōken! Paper covers rock. But paper can't stop rocks. It makes no sense!"

Uka Uka: "I will destroy you for this, Cortex. Your life is forfeit!"

Cortex: "Oh my. Talk about a two-dimensional bad guy."

N. Brio: "Yes. I wrote that line earlier."

[They high-five.]

Cortex: "Look, it's nothing personal. I simply need a source of bad mojo to fuel the NV. And you're it! N. Brio, I need you to keep the bandicoots busy. Use our... secret plan."

N. Brio: "Yes. So secret, it's not been invented yet. But wait, Cortex. How will we get these devices onto mutants' heads?"

Cortex: "Oh, that's the easy part. We'll give it to them!"

[Cortex laughs as the room fills up with green smoke.]

Coco's suggestion (G)
Coco: "Those NVs could be sent all over the island by now. We need to find a way to take them out at the source."

Aku Aku: "How do we do that?"

Coco: "Well, I think I know someone we can ask. Ugh, can't believe I'm gonna say this, but... let's go talk to Nina."

[Crash and Aku Aku balk at this.]

Aku Aku: "Coco! I think that NV gave you brain damage."

Coco: "Look, she'll be on the outs with Cortex after all her shenanigans. Face it, she's our only lead."

Crash: (affirmative gibberish)

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, in places like this, you can climb straight up! See? You don't have to jump everywhere. Just most places."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Remember that you can store your titan in order to take them with you across spaces that only you can navigate."

Bratgirl introduction (G)
Bratgirl: "Move faster, mutant slaves! We need all mutants brought under NV control."

Ratcicles: (growl)

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "We need to find out where Nina's school is, Crash. Try talking to the local mutants."

Mission 04 complete (L)
Elderly Ratcicle: "You wanna talk to me? Oh, [unintelligible] fantabulous. Nobody talks to me since Grenada. There's a prison near here! Weird place, spooky place too. I stayed there a spell. Nice view, but lousy ambience. I wouldn't go there. Everybody but me that went there never came back! Those scary girls made sure of that."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "That prison sounds pretty weird, Crash. There might be some link between it and Evil School."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "All right Crash, you're inside. Try to find out something about Nina's school."

Bratgirls scheming (G)
Bratgirl: "Soon we will return to the Evil School's secret northern entrance! This haul of freaks and mutants is perfect for the Evil School science fair! Nina will be doomed to suffer in mediocrity."

Aku Aku: "Hear that, Crash? The entrance to the school must be near the Rat village."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Let's go to the Ratcicle's kingdom, Crash."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Oh, you're gonna like this one, Crash. This titan can throw enemies around using the power of its mind. How can he do it? Science."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "See if there's something you can move around using this telekinetic guy's powers."

Mission 07 complete (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Evil School must be on the other side of this gate, Crash. I think we need a mutant that spins to open it."

Masochistic Ratcicle: "If it's not too much trouble, Crash, can you go to the desert nearby? Lots of scary bads for you to fight. They spin, too."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "We should head back to Wumpa Island, Crash. You can take the route we originally travelled to get here."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, we need to go to the temple coliseum. You have to pass through it to reach the desert.

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "This is the place, Crash. I think we'll need one of those telekinetic mutants to get inside, Crash."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "We're going to need some serious mutant muscle to get to the desert. This guy will do nicely."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Well done, Crash."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "We made it, Crash. Now we just need to get a Roller so we can open those doors."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "We found them. Oh. They don't seem too happy to see us, though."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Let's get this Roller back to Wumpa Village."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "To come to a sudden stop while on a Roller, press the button. Screeching to a stop can save you from falling off a ledge."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Roller can dash into enemies with devastating results. To do this, press the button."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "A Roller can take you to places other enemies can't. He can activate Roller Switches and boost up steep curves."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "These Rollers seem free from evil control, Crash. See if they know a way back to Wumpa."

RhinoRoller cub (L)
RhinoRoller cub: "Halt! Who goes there? I am commander... of the one! We defend the village from the spiky ones! Normally our parents do it, but they're away being crazy."

RhinoRoller cub (L)
RhinoRoller cub: "We gotta keep making noises! The spikies don't know that we're so little, so we're trying to scare them off."

RhinoRoller cub: "You know, I think the old one likes you. Likes you, if you know what I mean! I think you do. Rrreow." (coughs)

RhinoRoller elder (L)
RhinoRoller elder: "Hey there, good-looking. You look like the kind of bandicoot that appreciates sandpaper. Been kinda lonely since all the hunky Rollers packed up and left, heh."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Let's go, Crash."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "I can sense that this door will need something very special to open it. We'd better keep moving."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "The Rollers fixed the bridge, Crash. That old lady wanted to do you a favor!" (chuckles)

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Okay. We should be able to make it back to Ratcicle Kingdom with the Roller now. Head down, power through, Crash. We need to hurry."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Keep moving forward, Crash. We need to get back to the Ratcicle Kingdom."

Evil School and You (A)
[This cutscene is done in black-and-white, in the style of an educational cartoon. It begins with a shot of the Evil Public School exterior.]

Narrator: "Welcome, boys and girls and as-yet undetermined sexes, to Evil Public School."

[Cut to a group of public school students, all scowling or smirking at the camera. One of them lights some dynamite under another student.]

Narrator: "Here at Evil Public School 101, you'll learn the basic evil principles that drive society, like mad science, mad mathematics, gym class, and waterboarding."

[A brief clip of each of these activities is shown.]

Narrator: "At EPS 101, students learn the value of evil socialization."

[An upset-looking Nina walks into a group of students armed with water guns.]

Narrator: "Hey, look, everyone! A new student! Welcome the new student, everyone!"

[They all spray her.]

Narrator: "Yes, the new student's life is ruined. Laugh and point at the new girl!"

[The students taunt Nina. A missile hits her in the back of the head, which she kicks and stubs her toe on.]

Narrator: "Do you think you have what it takes to be a student in Evil Public School? Well you don't. Classes are full and we hate new people!"

[Nina spits on the missile, which explodes.]

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "This is the place, Crash. We need to find a way inside, with punching."

Forbidden Love (A)
[Crash and Aku Aku fall into Nina's classroom from a hole in the ceiling.]

Crash: "Oh. Heh heh." (gibberish)

Nina: "Crash? What are you doing here? Leave me alone! I hate you! You ruined my life."

[She slaps them both.]

Aku Aku: "So... how's it going?"

Nina: "How's it going...? How's it going? I'm stuck in Evil Public School now. Oh, I used to be the queen of Madame Amberley's private school. And now I'm stuck with the dregs of society. All because of you!"

Aku Aku: "Yeah. So anyway, we need your help."

Nina: "What?"

Aku Aku: "Your uncle has been using a new kind of evil mojo to control mutants. And he's got Crunch! We need to find him and help him."

Nina: "Oh, so you need my help? That's so cute. Don't hurt your butt on the way out the door."

[She pushes them towards the exit.]

Aku Aku: "Please, Nina! We'll do anything."

Nina: "Anything? Really?"

Aku Aku: (sighs) "Yes."

Nina: "Kiss."

Aku Aku: "What?"

Nina: "Yeah, kiss. Right now. It will amuse me."

[Crash and Aku Aku almost kiss, but are interrupted when Nina takes a photo.]

Nina: (giggles, snorts) "Losers. Okay, I've got an evil science fair project to finish, and you two lovebirds can help me out."

[Crash pukes off-screen.]

Nina's help (G)
Nina: "Ah, victory. Feels so good. So good!"

Aku Aku: "Yeah, yeah, we helped you out, now tell us what we need to know."

Nina: "Sure thing there, shingle. Uncle Cortex made up with his old lab partner, N. Brio."

Aku Aku: "N. Brio?"

Nina: "Uncie Cortex talks a big game, but N. Brio's the guy that actually built everything. And luckily for you, my science project thingy tells me exactly where he is. Now, run along to the other side of the island. I've got new evil plans to start."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Nina must've meant that big metal gate in the desert. Let's get going."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Talk to that guy, Crash. See what he knows."

Attack on Wumpa (L)
Masochistic Ratcicle: "I keep hearing about scary mutants attacking Wumpa Island right near your house. Scarier than us, I mean."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "We better get back home, Crash. Nobody invades our turf and gets away with it."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, we've got to get back home, fast. Get moving, boy!"

Aku Aku (voiceover): "This looks like trouble."

Spike Hero quest (G)
[The camera pans over Crash's destroyed house, over to the eastern bridge.]

Aku Aku (voiceover): "The only way to scare off those bad mutants will be to take out their leader."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "While controlling an enemy with a ranged attack, hold the button to use precision aiming."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "This must be the key to that huge lock we found in the desert. Time to go back to that gate, Crash."

Abuse, Misuse, Recycle (A)
[N. Brio is seated in an armchair in the Junkyard. There is a blackboard next to him.]

N. Brio: "Greetings, little peons which I invented."

[He shows a few photos of various strange creatures to the camera.]

N. Brio: "You see before you a glorious history of evil devices that I, me, invented. Over time, the disgusting heroes of this world—which I invented! Me! Not Cortex, read your bible, I wrote it!

[N. Brio drinks some mutagen and draws on the chalkboard as he talks.]

N. Brio: "Heroes like lazy bandicoots just leave these wonderful toys to rot where they fall. But Doctor Cortex, who says he invented many things—liar! says 'Hurry! Build me a Space Head, and many NV devices!' So! I have invented... recycling! Remember the N. Brio patented phrase: reuse, recycle, revenge! I created slinkies! Stop playing with them because they're mine!"

[A chalk drawing of N. Brio walks over a pile of garbage.]

N. Brio: "You see before you an ocean of wrecked dreams. My dreams. But from this ocean, Doctor Cortex has asked me to harpoon the white whale of evil. Recycling shall destroy the world! And I, as its inventor, shall get the credit."

[Doodle-N. Brio holds up a Lite-Brite.]

N. Brio: "Look, Lite-Brite. I didn't invent this. Burt Meyer did. It's not evil, why's it in the pile?"

[He throws it away, hitting a drawing of Cortex.]

Cortex: "Yes, that's right, you little fools! Evil recycling gives me everything I need to build and distribute NVs! Ugh, look... there's got to be a better picture of me."

[The real N. Brio erases and redraws Cortex.]

Cortex: "Enter my recycling program, Crash. The recycling program... of doom! ...Oh, that's good. I look butch."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "This guy is a slippery one. He can morph into the ground so nobody can touch him. When you're morphed low you can move underneath certain objects."

Sludge salesman (L)
Sludge salesman: "Hey, man, thanks for taking care of those bad dudes for us. I was sitting on a treasure of merchandise and couldn't move it."

Sludge salesman: "This part of the Junkyard is a gourmet for smart squishies like me that love to lurk."

Conjoined Sludge (L)
Middle head: "Crash! Fabulous! You come help us, no? You chase off the bad Sludges what are trapped by the mojo."

Begin mission (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Let's go, Crash."

Sludge salesman (L)
Sludge salesman: "After N. Brio, those bad Sludges have been building weird stuff over there. This whole 'death ray' this, 'world-destroying' that. These people just need more chicken sandwiches."

Conjoined Sludge (L)
Middle head: "[unintelligible] N. Brio use NV to enslave Sludges. Put Sludges to work building death toys. Take away best junk from Sludge home."

Super Number One Bandicoot! (A)
[The cutscene is drawn in a chibi style. It opens with a still frame of Crash and Aku Aku smiling together, then fades to them, Crunch, and N. Brio in the boss arena.]

Crunch: "Crash! Stay away, little buddy. I can't control myself!"

Aku Aku: "Just take the helmet off already!"

Crunch: "You don't understand! So awesome! Monkeys!"

N. Brio: "Hahahaha! Yes, fight your 'little buddy'. Teach him who invented who! Strike him with your large man hand!"

Crunch: "I obey! Eat! Enough! Fiber!"

When a missile system is destroyed

 * "Hi, little Crashy! Goin' bad again. Chew with your mouth closed! That's nasty."
 * "That one busted up good!"
 * "Oh, wait!"
 * "You made me mad! That makes me mad!" (growls)
 * "Doing some damage now!"
 * "Oh, that'll leave a mark."
 * "Tear into that turkey like Thanksgiving! No stuffin'. Gives you gas."
 * "Crash's got some kick in him now! Kick with his fists!"
 * "Crash! How could you? Besides in the literal sense."

When Crunch is attacked

 * "Marmalade! Mmm, yummy."
 * "Ow, my bling! Cover your mouth when you sneeze."
 * "My legs! I'm gonna be quadra-pilates!"
 * "That's repugnified!"
 * "My therapist told me to avoid this! Rrrr..."
 * "Crash's got some kick in him now! Kick with his fists!"
 * "Crash! How could you? Besides in the literal sense!"
 * "This is humilterrifying!"
 * "Hoo! That was a good one! Really shortened my change! A nickel came out! Tickle, tickle."
 * "It's for my own good. Tie your shoes! Rabbit in the hole."
 * "I'm being defeated. By little fuzzy! Comb your hair. Looks like a broom now."
 * "Uhh, I think I broke something!"
 * "That was a biiig shot!"
 * "Darn it! I'm in pain!"
 * "Crunch needs a hug!"
 * "I never learned to read!"
 * "Crunch don't feel so good."
 * "That hurt. Little bit."

Aku Aku's advice
Aku Aku (voiceover): "We need to use Crunch against N. Brio to defeat him, Crash. Try to jack him when you get the chance."

While jacked

 * "Who's ready for some double trouble?"
 * "Time for the Crunch to win! And by extension, Crash."
 * "Form of: a monkey-pounding machine!"
 * "Now with twice the trouble."
 * "I can see clearly now. The rain is gone. Heh-heh."
 * "That was so bad, you could see us on the Richter scale."
 * "Time to be bad! In a good way."
 * "Tall, beautiful and strong, baby!"
 * "I am the greatest. The greatest! Usually."
 * "That was so pretty, I could kiss myself. Ana-platonically-correct."
 * "Bring it on, baby."
 * "Time to show them who the real champ is."
 * "Ooh, that's the good stuff."
 * "And Crunch is on the case!"

When N. Brio is attacked

 * "You've damaged my commemorative plates!"
 * "My protective casing will protect me. With... redundant protection."
 * "Oh, great. Now the radio's stuck on [unintelligible] Western."
 * "I blame lactose intolerant people everywhere."

Crunch Get! (A)
[This cutscene is also drawn in a chibi style. Crash, sitting on Crunch's back, tries to pull the NV off of him.]

Crunch: "Stop it, that's mine!"

[N. Brio leaps out of the fire and puts himself out.]

N. Brio: "Just swat him away, muscles!"

[Crash succeeds in taking the NV away and hops off. Crunch shrinks back to normal.]

Crunch: "Hey, I feel great! Got that monkey off my back. Thanks, little buddy!"

[Crash grabs Crunch and lifts him.]

Crunch: "No, really, I'm good now."

Crash: "Hi-ya!"

[Crash starts slamming Crunch into the ground. A monkey runs by.]

Crunch: "Stop it, please! Stop it, please! Ow, honestly, I'm much better. Ow! Lift with your legs, not with your back!"

[N. Brio watches, cringing as bones and various other objects fly in from off-screen.]

Aku Aku: "Well! I didn't think we'd meet again."

N. Brio: "Well, you were wrong, and I was right! As right as... Betamax! Why won't the world understand? We've got limitless bad mojo to power NVs!"

Aku Aku: "Bad mojo? How are you getting that?"

[N. Brio covers his mouth and mumbles.]

Aku Aku: "Start talking, mister. Crash likes Crunch, and look what he's doing to him."

[Crash lays down a detonator cable next to Crunch, who is tied up and surrounded by dynamite. Crash blows him up.]

N. Brio: "Cortex and I are in charge now, little fool! And your island is trapped by a device that I—"

Aku Aku: "That you invented, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on Crash, looks like my brother's involved in this mess. You go on home, Crunch."

Crunch: "Yeah, think I'm leaking brain juice. Gonna lay down a while. Sleepy..."

[He falls down.]

Aku Aku: "And you! You clear out. You're not welcome. Come on, Crash. Let's go find my brother."

N. Brio: "This isn't the end! I invented endings. Why don't people take me seriously?"

[N. Brio walks down a road near a barn. He attempts to hitchhike on a passing truck, which ignores him.]

I'm Not Your Buddy, Guy (A)
[This cutscene is drawn in a style meant to imitate South Park. The opening resembles that of the show it's based on. It fades to a silhouette of Uka Uka, bound and hooked up to a mojo-milking machine. A silhouette of a Grimly climbs a ladder and begins force-feeding him cake.]

Uka Uka: "Agh! Ugh! Augh!"

[Another Grimly turns on a TV screen, revealing Cortex on the other side.]

Cortex: "Thanks. Finally answers the phone. Very classy. Not like I have anything better to do."

[The Grimly snarls resentfully.]

Cortex: "Oh, thanks for asking. I feel good. All this evil agrees with me. How's our little mojo battery doing?"

Uka Uka: "Augh!"

[A piece of cake falls on the floor.]

Uka Uka: "Cortex, you miserable traitor! I will have my reven—" (muffled speech)

Cortex: "Hah, fabulous. He's never looked better. Rubenesque, even. I was so tired of that guy. Felt like I married my mother. Not that I... thought about that."

Uka Uka: "Stealing my mojo to power your NVs! That's low even for you. But why do you keep feeding me cake? Agh!"

Cortex: "Oh, that. I just thought it would be mean. Seriously, you're never going to be able to eat cake again. Imagine that, life without cake."

Uka Uka: "You fiend!"

Cortex: "Gonna address the minions, excuse me. Listen up, Grimlies! Crash Bandicoot is on his way. No games, no foolishness. Find him and destroy him. Destroy him, for real! No death traps that take ten flipping hours."

[The Grimlies bow and hiss as they exit. One of them drops a piece of cake on the ground.]

Uka Uka: "Oh, oh... oh, that's... t-that's unsettling."

[The mitts on Cortex's monitor scoop up the cake.]

Cortex: "And guess what? Little Uka there's looking hungry."

Uka Uka: "Ew, gross, it's dirty! I'll get my revenge for this, Cortex!"

[Cortex shoves it in his face.]

Cortex: "Yes, yes, revenge. I'm not the one in the milking machine, milky... magoo. Cortex out."

I'm Not Your Guy Friend (A)
[This cutscene is also drawn in the South Park style. Crash and Aku Aku find Uka Uka attached to the machine.]

Uka Uka: "Finally. Ugh! If I had nipples, they'd kill right now."

[Crash sets him free.]

Aku Aku: "My brother! What did they do to you?"

Uka Uka: "That treacherous dog Cortex stole my power! All my bad mojo has been drained and put into NVs that he sent all over the world."

Aku Aku: "All over the world?"

Uka Uka: "That little weasel of a scientist actually had a good idea for a change. However, I didn't realize it involved..."

Aku Aku: "...Milking you."

[Crash mimes milking a cow.]

Uka Uka: "Yes, milking me! Ha-ha, everybody enjoys a laugh at the evil mask! I will destroy Cortex for this, and you two short bus students will be the means of my vengeance."

Aku Aku: "Why should we help you? You're a jerk. Remember mom's birthday? You sent her socks. Honestly, who sends socks to a magic mask with no feet?"

Uka Uka: "You'll help me because if you restore my power, I will give you the means to reach Cortex's lair, and destroy his NVs forever."

[Crash bounces around the room and cheers.]

Aku Aku: "Fine, we'll restore your powers. Tell us what we have to do."

Uka Uka: "The voodoo bones of my mask have been stolen and given to the worst, most despicable mutants on the island. Get them back. Be my vengeance. I will use my power to let you move around quickly. You dummies probably walked everywhere. And, please... would you clean this cake off my face?"

[Crash does so.]

Crash: "Woo-hoo! Yahaha!"

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, Grimlies have the power to slow down time. Your special bar will drain while it is active, so use it sparingly."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Destroy those mojo collectors to free my brother. They look pretty hefty, hefty, hefty though, so you need to jack a huge titan to break them."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Looks like this thing is one of those teleporters my brother was talking about. Hate that guy."

Snipe Hero quest (L)
RhinoRoller cub: "Crash, thank goodness you're here! One of our dumber cubs is gone. We think it got caught by a Snipe's gang! You've got to rescue it!"

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "That's all of them, Crash! Time to go back and see my brother."

Aku Aku's commentary (L)
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Uka Uka somehow used his power to energize the old Doominator head, Crash."

Aku Aku (voiceover): "Let's go to Wumpa, Crash."

Fists of Orange Fury (A)
[This cutscene is drawn in the style of an action anime. It opens with several shots of Crash, Cortex and associated characters posing, then cuts to the inside of the Space Head.]

Aku Aku: "Hello, Cortex."

Cortex: "I can't believe you dimtwits are trying to ruin my plans again. Seriously! Don't you have lives? Get a hobby! Woodworking or crocheting, something!"

Aku Aku: "You've got nothing left, Cortex. It's just you versus Crash."

[Crash strikes a pose and surrounds himself with glowing blue energy.]

Cortex: "Good. I want to settle this man-to-mutant. I'm going to beat you, Crash, with my bare hands!"

[Cortex removes his coat, flexes, and strikes a pose. Crash and Aku Aku burst out in laughter.]

Aku Aku: "Oh no! Look out, Crash! Mister Hungry Pound's gonna get ya!"

Cortex: "Stop laughing. I'm serious! I'm going to slap some bandicoot!"

[Cortex shadowboxes a bit and makes noises.]

Aku Aku: "Right. Crash, love him up so we can go home."

Crash: (affirmative gibberish)

Cortex: "Oh, did I forget to mention I was going to cheat? I've got some of N. Brio's mutation formula here to even the odds."

[To their shock, Cortex drinks the entire beaker.]

Cortex: "Eugh! Oh, tastes like peppermint barf! Oh, hm, there's a hint of..."

[Cortex's eyes turn bloodshot. He transforms into a hulking beast and roars. Crash hesitates, then steels himself for the fight. A solar eclipse occurs. Unrelatedly, a mime performs in the streets of Paris.]

Cortex: (roars)

When attacking

 * "Can't hide from me!"
 * "Finish him!"
 * "Come on, Crash. Let's see what you've got.
 * "I just love being a bully."
 * "Yes. You like that don't you, Crash?
 * "Oh, punchy punch!"
 * "Who's beating who now, Mom?"
 * "It's all over now, Crash."
 * "Haha, I'm super. That was great."
 * "I am so big. I am so big!"
 * "Ow, what's the matter, Crash?"
 * "Looking a little weak there, Crash."
 * "Now that was a good one. Yes."
 * "And punch!"
 * "I've got you, Crash!"
 * "Hahahaha, that felt fabulous!"
 * "Ah, yes. That was a good one."

When jacked

 * "No! Not on my face! Not on my face!"
 * "Oh no. It's trinary school all over again!"
 * "Oh my. That's my personal area!"
 * "Vermin on my head!"

If Crash is killed

 * "I've waited so long to do that, Crash."
 * "The NV shall enslave the world!"
 * "I'm going to buy an overpriced resort."
 * "Now I feel beautiful! I mean, victorious!"

Home Pun (A)
[The final cutscene also is drawn in an anime style. Defeated, Cortex sobs openly and throws a tantrum.]

Cortex: "It's not fair, it's not fair!"

[His pounding the ground causes the ship's controls to spark and malfunction. He tears the steering wheel off its mount and breaks it in half.]

Cortex: "I want to win! It's my turn! Been trying for flipping years!"

Aku Aku: "Uh oh, Crash! I think he broke something!"

Crash: (worried gibberish)

[The Space Head starts to fall apart. Cortex's mutagen wears off.]

Cortex: "Oh no. What did I do? Where are my pants?"

Aku Aku: "Brace yourself, Crash! I think we're going down."

Crash: (yelps)

[A Znu walks in, eating a sandwich with lettuce.]

Cortex: "It was you! Ugh, no time to deal with that now. Disgusting freak!"

[Cortex pushes a button, and he and the Znu flee in an escape pod. The Space Head burns up in orbit, then crashes into a mountain on Wumpa Island, landing in the bandicoots' front yard. Crash and Aku Aku emerge from the wreckage unharmed.]

Aku Aku: "I can't believe we're okay!"

Coco: "Crash, down here! Great job, big brother."

Crunch: "Wow, we're really getting a lot of this evil junk all over the place."

Coco: "We're still not gonna clean up."

Aku Aku: (sighs) "I know, Coco, I know."

[Crash laughs, and the scene fades to black.]

When first noticing Crash

 * "Attack on the silly person!"
 * "Capture him for the mojo!"
 * "Oh, surprise and alarm!"
 * "Victory is assured!"
 * "Charging to the front!"
 * "Destroy the bandi-rascal!"
 * "Enough standing around! Violence!"
 * "Overpower him with violence!"
 * "He's come for our tubers!"
 * "Get the bandi-whatever!"
 * "Get the fuzzy! Fuzzy bear!"
 * "More, more, more. Nehuh!"
 * "Get the good mutant 'cause he's good!"
 * "Honestly, I got him this time!"
 * "I look forward to violence!"
 * "Kill the piggy!"
 * "Masculine noises!"
 * "Obtain his change purse!"
 * "Oh boy, lunch!"
 * "Oh look, I see Crash. Hi, Crash!"
 * "Crash, Crash is here!"
 * "I got Crash here!"
 * "I got it, I got it!"
 * "Oh, the biting fun begins now!"
 * "Oh, boy he looks delicious!"
 * "Oh, he looks juicy and meaty!"
 * "Oh, how long has he been there?"
 * "Oh, an enemy. Silly enemy!"
 * "Walking food, get it!"
 * "Tackle and gnaw on him!"
 * "Dispatch the troublesome furry."
 * "Quick! Sample it!"
 * "So exciting and fun and silly and furry!"
 * "I'm so excited! And I can't conceal it!"
 * "Oh, I'm so excited now!"
 * "Get him already!"
 * "Sally forth!"
 * "Sally strutis forth!"
 * "There he is!"
 * "Get the bandi-thing, whatever he's called! The whatcha-ma-coot!"
 * "Raaarrr. I'm being scary now."
 * "Grab his pants! I need new pants!"
 * "Get Crash with the thing!
 * "Check his pockets for snacks!"
 * "Aren't you lovely?"
 * "Seriously, this time I'm gonna win, I'm certain."
 * "Woah woah woah woah!"
 * "Na na na na!"
 * "Assault the delicious creature!"
 * "Turn him into hero pie!"
 * "Grab the naughty hero!"
 * "Get the hero honestly he's heroic."
 * "Hit his soft things with your hard things... careful."
 * "Strike his face and other parts!"
 * "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
 * "Engage defenses and punch him!"
 * "Rip roaring fury with silly things!"
 * "Put the boots to his ears! So he can hear us kicking his butt!"
 * "Can't we talk this over... just kidding, get him!"
 * "For the master!"
 * "This one's mine, but I'd like some help!
 * "Curses! A hero is afoot!"
 * "Check him for salty foods!"
 * "Dispatch this troublesome furry!"
 * "Finally! Something to do around here!"
 * "Viva la Resistance! What does that mean?"
 * "Wumpa Island Resistance!"
 * "Now maybe Mom will love me!"
 * "Call Mother and tell her we're fighting Crash!"
 * "Defeat him quickly!"
 * "Henchrodents, attack!"
 * "Charge I say!"

When attacking Crash

 * "I am going to get you I am!"
 * "For scum and villainy!"
 * "Oh yeah, you like that don't you?"
 * "I'm bad like a telethon!"
 * "Oh, that felt fabulous for me."
 * "Get a hair sample and possibly more."
 * "Bandicoot fur would be lovely."
 * "A swift one too to the upper region!"
 * "I got him! I got him! Did you see that, I got him!"
 * "I'm gonna eat you, and maybe wham you with tassels!"
 * "Oh, the master will be so pleased!"
 * "Holy cowbells, I got him!"
 * "You are no good at fisticuffs!"
 * "You are the weaker one. I'm shocked!"
 * "That's got him!"
 * "All for our king! The mystery guy!"
 * "Knocked the grin off his chesters!"
 * "Take that!"
 * "Take that! And also that!"
 * "Halley bandiworth!"
 * "Oh, I like that."
 * "You're going down, Crash!"
 * "Oh, right in the velvintuber!"
 * "Who is bad Crash, ehh? Who is bad? It's kinda me, I suppose."
 * "Who is bad Crash? Me, I suppose."
 * "Oh, right in the roots of his tubers!"
 * "Finally, we'll get some shelter."
 * "Victory for the henchrodents!"
 * "Yah-Hi! Wait, that's wrong. Hi-yah!"
 * "Hi-yah!"
 * "I gotta get off this island already. I feel like deluging!"
 * "Gotta get off this island already. Somebody boat me off!"
 * "Give in to deliciousness!"
 * "Right in the good humor."
 * "I hit him in the faces majoras."
 * "Right in the self-esteem."
 * "Right in his face!"
 * "Start obeying the master!"
 * "Obey already!"
 * "Give up!"
 * "Submit!"
 * "Waaahhhh!"
 * "Oh, I hurt my little monkey hand."
 * "Stung like a moth, e.g. not very well."
 * "Punchy face smacking!"

When attacked by Crash

 * "Hey, I needed that!"
 * "Oh, he broke my gander. I have a gander!"
 * "Not my organs! Those are important! Some are more important than others ehh."
 * "Why do I let him do that?"
 * "I have amnesia! Hit me again!"
 * "Stop it!"
 * "Oww, in my nose!"
 * "Pain, owwwww!"
 * "Oww, oww, oww!"
 * "Yawowws, an injury!"
 * "Oh, not this again! I'm having déjà vu!"
 * "Oh, he's kicking me in the good looks!"
 * "My spine is in my pants! This is not my spine, gross!"
 * "Very troubling."
 * "I lost a tooth, but I have never liked that one. I have two left."
 * "This is a problem!"
 * "Curse your pacts, and guns, and muck leaves."
 * "Oh, come on now!"
 * "My femur is missing. Oh, boy."
 * "That is the last straw! I'm going to start grazing... on the straw."
 * "Oh, my long things!"
 * "My dather appearance!"
 * "My brain is leaking!"
 * "Minor owie!"
 * "Owie, that's an owie!"
 * "Oh, I'm gonna get sick."
 * "Pain thing!"
 * "Hurting!"
 * "I hurt inside!"
 * "Ouch!"
 * "Ouch, it's not a good thing."
 * "Oww, thing!"
 * "Oh, the pain is immense."
 * "That hurt a lot!"
 * "I dropped my glasses!"
 * "His size is cromulent!"
 * "His size is cromulent! That means big."
 * "He is cromulent and morbidly obese! That means big."
 * "Oh Uncle Curtis—I mean Crash."
 * "Stop it Dad—I mean Crash."
 * "Send help!"
 * "The pain and discomfort!"
 * "Thank you sir, may I have another?"
 * "My body part, I loved it like a brother!"
 * "There's something in my eye!"
 * "He criminalized me!"
 * "Bones shattering!"
 * "Good pork gravy!"
 * "How anti-social, I love it!"
 * "What the chick-o dily-o?"
 * "What the Glaviny Haviny oozy-woozy?"
 * "I don't wanna say 'whiplash', but 'whiplash!'"
 * "Ouch-a-roil-o-ra-galy-o! I think that's pasta. With the pain stuffed in."
 * "Mayday June-day April 11th!"
 * "Stronger than average!"
 * "Stronger than normal!"
 * "Curse my tiny form!"
 * "Oh, my tiny form!"
 * "Please brothers and/or sisters, help me.
 * "Update my will now."
 * "Seeing double!"
 * "How's about help?"
 * "Need medical assistance!"
 * "Send eh, medical assistance."
 * "Summon medical assistance!"
 * "I'm no longer the pretty one!"
 * "I'm not so pretty no more!"
 * "Hey look, I'm pink on the inside!"
 * "My turnips!"
 * "Sally strutis forth and stop him!"
 * "Daisy, Daisy!"
 * "Boom-shakalakka!"
 * "Shakalum!"
 * "Call an ambulance-type thing!"
 * "Need help!"
 * "Hero's bad!"
 * "Bandicoots bad!"
 * "Struck by a bandicoot!"
 * "Advantage bandicoot, ehh!"
 * "My parts and places, ehh!"
 * "Oww, my places!"
 * "Call my insurance company, tell them I hate them!"
 * "Oh, well my life just got worse!"
 * "Hey it's not that good! My wife tells me all the time!"
 * "I think I am blind, or there is a blackout happening!"
 * "I think my eyes are loose! Either that or you're shaking..."
 * "I can really beat it!"
 * "I blame your mother! Lovely woman..."
 * "I'm seeing stars, and garters."
 * "No more please!"
 * "Nooo, please!"
 * "Somebody stop him, and save me too please!"
 * "I really have to start working out!"
 * "My vestigial twin!"
 * "My body's broke. So's my wallet. Hey!"
 * "I forgot to block!"
 * "Stop hitting me, hit him instead!"
 * "Don't hit me, hit them!"
 * "No good I tell you!"
 * "Not there at all!"
 * "I forgot my name!"
 * "Why me?"
 * "You cured my hiccups!"
 * "I can taste my nose!"
 * "I blame folk music."
 * "My headband! And legwarmers!"
 * "I can see through time!"
 * "My dream of a boutique dies!"
 * "My malnourished frame!"
 * "I've been bullied!
 * "Headache, headache."
 * "Problems enbigging!"
 * "My pants! I ripped my pants!"
 * "Somebody get more henchmen people!"
 * "Oh, my underwear broke."
 * "My underwear!"
 * "Something's gone wrong!"

When unable to reach Crash

 * "Crash is moving away with haste!"
 * "Crash is too quick, I swear!"
 * "Crash, you silly fool. We can't kill you up there!"
 * "Look, he's just too quick."
 * "Can someone slow him down or something?"
 * "Wow, he's fast!"
 * "Help! He's leaving! It's shameful and annoying!"
 * "Oh, come on. Get back here already."
 * "My scientism says that is quite quite impossible. You cannot argue with scientism!"
 * "Somebody invent the boomerang! Or other curvy stick."
 * "Does anybody have a falcon or other retrieving animal? Is anybody a retrieving animal, hands?"
 * "I can't shaunt into that locale!"
 * "I can't shaunt into that locale! That locale has been deemed unshaunterable!"
 * "Oh the boss is gonna lose it if he escapes!"
 * "Oh, the boss is gonna lose it if he gets away, and he's gonna get away."
 * "Oh, I am cross now!"
 * "For the last time Crash, get back here!"
 * "Get back here Crash, please?"
 * "Come back here right now! Passively, without the hitting and the violence."
 * "Get jet packs packs of jets!"
 * "I have to get some of those shoes."
 * "I need rubber shoes or something. Maybe rubber pants."
 * "I have no idea how to catch up with him."
 * "I just can't think of how to get there!"
 * "Why's he leaving? Doesn't he like us?"
 * "Crash, you are like daytime TV. So predictable!"
 * "Crash, come back! We'll just hang, we won't get weird!"
 * "I'll get the ladder. He's bouncing away again."
 * "Someone call the authorities he's getting away!"
 * "Honestly, how am I supposed to catch him now?"
 * "Honestly, it's just tremendous! He's getting away!"
 * "Oh, that's just ridiculous, I mean what's he doing over there?"
 * "I shall file a complaint if you don't re-engage."
 * "I shall file a complaint if you do not re-engageify!"
 * "He is disengageifying! Ceaseaify him!"
 * "The enemy is disengageifying!"
 * "The enemy is disengageifying! Re-engageify!"
 * "I didn't think I was gonna win any way."
 * "Anybody else happy he's gone?"
 * "I'm actually relieved he left."
 * "He was just here. I'm sure of it!"
 * "Okay, where'd he go?"
 * "Seriously, where'd he go?"
 * "How'd he get away this time?"
 * "Where'd he go? Seriously, I'm serious."
 * "I lost Crash. Send a search party for the silly."
 * "Get back here, ya lousy fuzzy!"
 * "Somebody get a step ladder or something, a kitchen chair, anything... is anybody even listening to me?"
 * "If he gets away we're gonna feel very silly!"
 * "He is making me feel very un-athletic watching him do that!"
 * "I'm so tired of watching him do that!"
 * "Ah, forget it. I'd rather have chicken anyway."
 * "Ah, forget it. Let's just order in."
 * "Oh, where's he off to now?"
 * "How'd he get way over there?"
 * "But the fight is down here, please!"
 * "Return, post haste, so the fight can continue!"
 * "He's making us appear foolish."
 * "You're making me look bad up there!"
 * "You'd think he was a moving fast hedgehog or something."
 * "Crash, he's like Flubber, the mystery stuff and the goo!"
 * "Check his 6!"
 * "Ooh, the boss will be mad!"
 * "I lost him, I lost him!"
 * "Look, get down here Crash!"
 * "Can't we get a broom or something?"
 * "Crash you irritant, you're like hives without the salve!"
 * "Now how did he get over there, and I am here, with the here, and the thing..."
 * "Oh, he's gotta be around here somewhere."
 * "It's bad for my self-esteem watching him up there! Laughing at me, mocking me!"
 * "Get a CSI team in here and look for clues!"
 * "We want to make a bandicoot pie! Recipes?"
 * "I am ashamed to say this, but I am unable to get a visual lock on the enemy complete."
 * "Crash, I'm getting very annoyed with you, and I'm getting a headache, and you errrr!"
 * "The food is escaping!"
 * "But I wanted to fisty pummel you!"
 * "Oh, but the food is not food anymore!"
 * "Well, I guess it's all for the best."
 * "Maybe if we form a pyramid or something. I call top!"
 * "After him! Somehow."
 * "Oh, our life is a tragedy if you think about it."
 * "Oh this'll make the boss grumpy."
 * "Don't tell the boss! Let's pretend we didn't see him."
 * "Perhaps an energy drink will help me move like that."
 * "Let's get Carl! He'll help somehow..."
 * "Well, let's go see what's on TV."
 * "I never did well in gym class, so no."
 * "What's the big deal already? Start climbin'!"
 * "Stop, cause it's not good! It's a thing that's... not good!"
 * "I'm lonely! Hold me!"
 * "I'm so lonely now he is gone."
 * "Come on! Move it, move it!"
 * "Bandicoot, return to combat funny person!"
 * "Weren't we fighting a minute ago?"

When killed by Crash

 * "And I am outta here!"
 * "Drat and blastedness!"
 * "Oh, he got me good."
 * "He beat me up."
 * "You'll miss me when I'm gone."
 * "Is this the end? Why yes!"
 * "My life is flashing in my eyes, this is not good."
 * "I forgive you Crash. I hate you, but I forgive you."
 * "Ohhh, noooo."
 * "Great horny toads!"
 * "Great horny toads with horns!"
 * "Barnacles!"
 * "Exit!"
 * "Oh, I declare!"
 * "Oh, the woe and pain!"
 * "This is ridiculickalickalous."
 * "Lousy predictable theft."
 * "Going, going, gone! Sold to the bandicoot who kicks butt!"
 * "Oooh, that was a big one!"
 * "This looks bad I admit!"
 * "Ohh, that's what my brain looks like."
 * "Ah, nuts."
 * "Oh, come on!"
 * "Oh, thank heavens that's over."
 * "Two more will take my place!"
 * "Revengacide me!"
 * "I need repair!"
 * "All these moments are gone!"
 * "Defeated, it blows!"
 * "I blame the cows, honestly..."
 * "I have never kissed a female rodent. Except Carl."
 * "I say... resuscitate me."
 * "Little sleepy now. Take a nap..."
 * "I'll just lie down for awhile."
 * "My life for the master. And comedy."
 * "He cheated I'm sure of it!"
 * "Save me, Gary!"
 * "This rodent is down."
 * "I never read a book."
 * "Sparkling out."
 * "Bail out!"
 * "Oh I'm dead."
 * "The most unkind cut to my bodies!"
 * "Unjust I say!"
 * "Most unkind!"
 * "Oh boy!"
 * "Oh, that's bad."
 * "Why, bandi-fellow, why?"
 * "Iiiieeeeooo!"
 * "Dang it."
 * "Ending now!"
 * "Signing out."
 * "That sucks!"
 * "Noooooo!"
 * "Give my remains to science."
 * "Just don't eat me please!"
 * "You can't have my organs!"
 * "Down like a clown."
 * "Incoming afterlife I hope."
 * "Avenge me somehow!"
 * "Oh, I'm very upset."
 * "This is not the end!"
 * "Owwwwww owwwww!"

When first noticing Crash

 * "A furry spy!"
 * "Bandicoot detected! Begin beating!"
 * "Finally! A real fight!"
 * "Get off our land! We stole it first!"
 * "I have him now!"
 * "Time for battle!"
 * "Villains in training, assemble!"
 * "Red rover, red rover, kill Crash!"
 * "Bratgirls!"
 * "Pork-chop sandwiches!"
 * "Make sausages with him!"
 * "You shouldn't have come, Crash!"
 * "For injustice and wickedry!"
 * "For mischief and malevolence!"
 * "Here's some real meat! Curse you, soy substitutes!"
 * "Stop the mutant!"
 * "Get the intruder!"
 * "Protect Evil Public School!"
 * "Stay out of our school and lands!"
 * "I got a good time right here!"
 * "Summon the girls; supper's here!"
 * "Little goody-two shoes!"
 * "Charge!"
 * "For the evil and little girls everywhere!"
 * "Ew! How'd he know we were here?"
 * "Stay away Crash! We're highly irrational!"
 * "Bad rodent!"
 * "I lust for violence!" (giggles) "I said lust and I'm not even breeding yet!"
 * "Let's give Crash rug burn... with real rugs!"
 * "Delicious bandicoot, come on now!"
 * "I found bandicoots!"
 * "He's mine!"
 * "There's a hero here!"
 * "Skin Crash; make shoes!"
 * "I see the hero!"
 * "Defend our suspiciously specular world!"
 * "First girl to kill Crash gets two days off school!"
 * "I found the resistance!"
 * "You cannot win!"
 * "Foolish Crash, you can't win!"
 * "Beat him, then sue him!" (laughs)
 * "Get the one in the cheese!"
 * "I spy a spy."

When unable to reach Crash

 * "Lousy heroic coward."
 * "I have more hurt for Crash!"
 * "This isn't over!"
 * "We're not done yet!"
 * "You stinkin' badger!"
 * "I lost him! Anyone see him?"
 * "Venom and vile for you!"
 * "Aw, where'd he go now?"
 * "Curse you, Khan!"
 * "I don't think I can cope with this!"
 * "Okay, I'm so angry now!"
 * "Why can't I fly? Aren't I a bat or something?"
 * "Curse you, furry chicken!"
 * "You confuse and annoy me, Crash!"
 * "Listen to me, bandicoot! Now!"
 * "Surrender for dissection, Crash! Or facesection."
 * "I can't jump that high!"
 * "I wish I could still fly!
 * "Crash is annoying me!"
 * "Wait! I dropped my contacts!"
 * "Aw, I can't get to Crash!"
 * "How do I get over there? Even I can't tell."
 * "I can't believe we didn't bring a ladder!"
 * "What do you mean there's no stairs? Find stairs!"
 * "Aw, no go over there!"
 * "Come back here and surrender! I can't go over there!"
 * "You can't quit me, Crash!"
 * "I hate bandicoots! They leave you and break your heart!"
 * "Come back here Crash, or I'll never talk to you again!"
 * "Someone bring him to me? Pleeease?"
 * "It's okay; I put a tracking device in his..." (giggles)
 * "Come back here little baby!"
 * "I've had it up to here with you people!"
 * "He ran away, but not in terror!"
 * "What kind of hero runs away?"
 * "I can still smell him, smells like victory!"
 * "Aw, I have no idea how to get over there!"
 * "Tell that colostomy bag to get back here!"
 * "Finish up what you start boy!"
 * "Start using your brain and start fighting!"
 * "Scaredy... cat! I guess... cat. They eat... fish?"
 * "Gone already? We were just getting started!"
 * "You just back it up, mister!"
 * "You're just making it worse!"
 * "We need to put up netting or something!"
 * "Anybody get his license plate?"
 * "What? Where'd he go?"

When killed by Crash

 * "Bratgirl down!"
 * "System failure!"
 * "This isn't the end!"
 * "What did I do?"
 * "Why? Oh, right."
 * "Rebooting!"
 * "Oh, that's just typical!"
 * "My groin!"
 * "Save me somehow!"
 * "I hate the way you freak!"
 * "You're just so annoying!"
 * "Growing dark!"
 * "I failed!"
 * "Okay, I'm impressed."
 * "Blood! There's my blood..."
 * "Lovely blood test."
 * "Oh no!"
 * "It's over for moi!"
 * "Going down! Not rising..."
 * "Evil failed me!"
 * "No! I'm a bleeder!"
 * "The punch in the face!"
 * "I taste Christmas!"
 * "This is someone else's fault!"
 * "I am so mad right now!"
 * "Dang you, bandicoots!"
 * "Why, Crash, why?"
 * "Defeated by punching! How expected!"
 * "Dang it already!"
 * "I'll be back... somehow!"
 * "This is terrible!"
 * "My clones will get you, Crash!"
 * "So cold inside! Bad cold!"
 * "You'll rue this day, Crash! Start rueing!"
 * "Going limp."

When pursuing Crash

 * "Get his bananas!"
 * "Leeroy!"
 * "Monkey charge!"
 * "Catch him for N. Brio!"

When attacked by Crash

 * "Uncle!"

When noticing Crash

 * "For the Grimlies!"
 * "Seize that bandi-hippie!"
 * "I'm crying out in alarm! Pay attention!"
 * "Tonight, we dine over there!"
 * "For villainy!"

When killed by Crash

 * "This bandicoot killed me."
 * "I'll respawn shortly." (chuckles) "Spawn..."
 * "Grimlies, avenge me!"
 * "I'm dying on the inside... and outside!"
 * "It's dark and we're wearing sunglasses!"

When first noticing Crash

 * "Charge!"
 * "Cobra, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!"
 * "I have found the nemesis-es... er nemisi-I found them!"
 * "For the... beautiful Cortex!"
 * "Victory for Dr. Cortex!"
 * "Resistance detected! Rendering undetectable."
 * "Surrender, bandifools!"
 * "Protect the NV project!"
 * "For the NV!"
 * "Ahhhhhh!"

When attacked by Crash

 * "Stop hitting me!
 * "Just surrender already!"
 * "Stop... something in my eye!"
 * "You blockhead."
 * "Why me? Why not them?"
 * "Is that all you've got?"
 * "It hurts like tacos."
 * "You break it, you bought it!"
 * "My robo bloodiest."
 * "I think I'm going to cry."
 * "How insulting."
 * "The injury locality."
 * "Save me, robos!"
 * "It just looks bad."
 * "Breaker! Breaker! Send help!"
 * "I just want to conquer you and everyone you know!"
 * "Why me? Kill the others instead!"
 * "Stop your foolish games and retire!"
 * "Is that all you've got? I hope so anyway!"
 * "I order you to stop!"
 * "Don't damage the merchandise!"
 * "Stop standing in the way of my power!"
 * "Is that all you've got? Some hero!"
 * "It's kindergarten all over again!"
 * "Why does it hurt? I thought I was a robot!"
 * "Fellow minions! Assist me!"
 * "He's punching metal? Tough knuckles!"
 * "Fellow robots! Help me!
 * "That didn't hurt!...much."
 * "You're ruining my appearance!"
 * "Oh! Not my brush metal exterior!"
 * "Now I'm sad!"
 * "Why won't he stop hitting me?"
 * "I need a new career!"
 * "Please stop that!"
 * "Oh that blow was so delicious! Again, again!"
 * "Yeah baby, that hurt so good!"
 * "Protect me! The master demands it!"
 * "Please stop hitting me please!"
 * "Oh I felt that!"
 * "You hurt my special places! All 12 of them!"
 * "Not in the face; it's too beautiful!"
 * "You think that hurt? Well it did!"
 * "Your kung-fu is tremendous."
 * "Oh, that's so mathematically annoying!"
 * "What kind of fighting style is that anyway?"
 * "That's mathematically impossible."
 * "What are you trying to prove?"
 * "Why can't I get out of the way? It's not fair!"
 * "Your world is doomed anyway, Crash!"
 * "Save me Cortex, from space!"
 * "I need a sombrero. I'm not sure why."
 * "Ow, man! Or woman. Whichever."
 * "Stop bruising me! Or can I even get bruised?
 * "Look stop that, would you stop it?"
 * "I'm tired of fighting."
 * "Leave me alone you!"
 * "Protect me sweet master!"
 * "You broke my jazz unit! No more jazz!"
 * "Down hero! Take a bath!"
 * "My improv! Now I think I'm a duck!"
 * "You're weak like main-stream music!"
 * "I chipped my eye."
 * "You broke my mind!"
 * "The master will win anyway."
 * "Why this little robot?"
 * "You're mean meanie!"
 * "Not again!"
 * "Why Cortex, why?"
 * "The doctor failed me!"
 * "Quit it fool!"
 * "Ow, my ears!"
 * "Pretty gross inside here now!"
 * "That made my bell ring!"
 * "My pocket projector! Yes I have one."
 * "The tasty pain!"
 * "Oh, there's that lunch again!"
 * "I need cinnamon buns! For the pain!"
 * "My thorax! I have a thorax?"

When unable to reach Crash

 * "Now you just get back here, mister!"
 * "Seriously, someone find him."
 * "Engage mustache sensors!"
 * "Come back here, I can barely move around!"
 * "Look, I'm sure I saw him around here!"
 * "That's evil of you! The bad evil!"
 * "After him...somehow! Ropes, maybe?"
 * "My robo-eyes are useless!"
 * "I lost him! This bouncing eye thing is useless!"
 * "He was just here! What happened?"
 * "Form a search party! Bring a robo-picnic basket!"
 * "Get back here, I robo-command it!"
 * "I'm not going over there! It's dirty!"
 * "Chasing bandicoot sir!"
 * "Oh, curse this sleek design of mine!"
 * "I am robo-confused, which is like regular confusion pretty much."
 * "Seriously, he was just here."
 * "Look, I don't know where he is, so stop asking me!"
 * "Where'd he go? Check the foliage!"
 * "Aw, cmon! Get back here already!"
 * "Hurry! Search the area for heros!"
 * "I blame all the other Cortex robots!"
 * "The master's gonna be really mad now, and it's your fault!"
 * "Use our secret space station to track him."
 * "What do you mean 'he's over there'? Where is 'there'?"
 * "There, I lost him."
 * "My robo-eye can't see him."
 * "This bouncing eye is useless! Can't see a thing!"
 * "I'll just wait here for him. Bring robo-refreshments."
 * "I went to blog, and now he's gone! Seriously, that fast! Wait, what?"
 * "There's a rock in my chassy! Totally annoying!"
 * "Error 404: Bandicoot not found!"
 * "How could I lose him?"
 * "What do you mean 'he's gone'?"
 * "I can't catch him, Master!"
 * "What just happened? Explain it pronto!"
 * "Wait, what just happened?"
 * "Honestly, that's just rude."
 * "I'd go after him, but I'm tired and lazy."
 * "Where'd that second-rate mutant go?"
 * "Go away that easily?"
 * "I've lost contact... fading punch!"
 * "He's fleeing? Oh great..."
 * "I'm going bald with worry!"
 * "But I'm not finished yet!"
 * "Oh great, now I'll miss my stories!"
 * "Find him quickly! ...Looks like rain!"
 * "The Wumpa Islander has escaped!"
 * "Well that's not very nice!"
 * "Bomb the land... with nuclear bombs!"
 * "Well, flip!"
 * "Did you see him?"
 * "Where'd he go? Check around."
 * "Can't see anything! Who designed me?"
 * "I need some tech support! Tracking system broken!"
 * "Lousy lungairs."
 * "How can I scuffle over there? Seriously!"
 * "Phone the boss! Tell him we lost him!"
 * "We lost him? What a gyp!"
 * "Get back here, sissy!"
 * "He's over there? That's just awful."
 * "This is so stressful."

When entering battles (L)

 * Aku Aku (voiceover): "Oh boy."
 * Aku Aku (voiceover): "Here they come! Get ready!"
 * Aku Aku (voiceover): "Let's do this!"
 * Aku Aku (voiceover): "Take them out, Crash!"

When spoken to (L)
Architect: (gibberish, contains "my underwear") Translator: "The honorable architect is greeting you! And has no time to talk to... lesser mutations."

Ice Prison/Evil Public School

 * "Attention, students. A reminder to remove any unexploded doomsday weapons from your locker at the end of the school day. I'm getting tired of replacing janitors."
 * "Students of Evil Public School, please chain and gag all your homework assignments before dropping them off. I have enough escaped mutants causing me problems, thank you very much! Love you and mouth!"
 * "Attention, students. Our evil exchange student has gone missing! If he's still alive, please return him to the dormitory. If he's been eaten, please return his remains or... uh... leavings... to the cloning chamber. Cortex out."
 * "Pay attention, filthy students! Be on the alert for mutants moving around causing problems. You know, besides you guys. Cortex out."
 * "Listen up, students! Crash Bandicoot may be in the area. If you see him, feel free to stage an elaborate fight with only a few of you attacking at once to make it more exciting. You know, 'cause this is real."
 * "Listen up, students. Some of you have been worshiping Uka Uka. If I hear anyone even saying his name, I'll have you put to death! Four times!"
 * "Students, be sure to rest up for the big game against Evil U. I want the visiting team's water poisoned and food laxatived up! Is that a word? 'Laxatived'? You know, the past tense of 'laxative'. Whatever. Just cheat a lot."
 * "Be alert. Crash Bandicoot has been sighted. If you find him, kill him until he dies. That is all."
 * "Dear students, the entire fourth-grade class has been disintegrated for tardiness."
 * "Attention! My sensors indicate a twelve percent drop in evil. Everyone, please try to be a little more wicked. We've got an image to maintain!"
 * "Attention, minions. A winner has been chosen in the 'How I Would Kill Crash Bandicoot' essay-writing contest. The winner was a minty-fresh submission by the gym teacher! Her eloquent plan is to squat thrust him to death."
 * "Greetings, students. Bandicoots have been sighted in the area. Feel free to shave and otherwise irritate any bandicoots you discover."
 * "Oh, students. The entire third-grade class has gone missing! If any of you assassinated them, please remember to fill out the application form next time."
 * "Attention, students. When imprisoning mutants, be sure to contact Evil School so we can get an NV on them right away. The last thing we want is someone releasing these things."
 * "Minions of Evil Public School, don't forget to submit your evil science projects today if you want to be considered for the grand prize. This year's winners will receive an Explosive Space Modulator."
 * "Will the student that wrote 'The Doominator is a stupid name' on the office door please report to detention for extermination. Also, the cafeteria is out of muffins."
 * "Minions, secure the ice prisons! I suspect heroes are running about in our under places."
 * "Attention, students working in the ice prisons. Remember, our 'you break it, you bought it' policy applies to mutants kept in storage. Any mutants terminally abused before or after NV application must be replaced, no matter how hysterical the violence may have been at the time."
 * "Attention, disgusting mutants. No, you can't has cheeseburger, so stop asking! It's a stupid meme anyway."
 * "Attention, students. Tomorrow's evil meal will feature evil peas, evil pie and pudding. The pudding is not particularly evil. That is all."

Space Head

 * "Listen up! Crash Bandicoot is here! Stop what you're doing and destroy him! Anyone killed in combat will be fired immediately. Cortex out."
 * "Attention, minions! Someone has taped over my shows. I'm really mad about that. Seriously! I had a little label on the tape and everything, so I know this wasn't an accident. That was really lame!"
 * "Uh, everyone, I don't want to bum you all out, but one of my experiments has escaped. If you see something that looks a bit like a high school shop teacher, well... y'know, make peace. Cortex out."
 * "Everyone, there's a teeny, tiny oxygen leak in Sector Four. You may notice a slight numbness or tingling sensation, and possibly some necrosis."
 * "I'd like to remind you all that the white zone is for loading and unloading only. There is no parking in the white zone."
 * "Could you people keep it down, please?! I'm trying to take a nap! Brother's got to get his Z's on."
 * "Uh, excuse me. This is a little embarrassing, but... can someone out there break a fifty? I've gotta do laundry and I'm all out of change. You'd think a mad scientist wouldn't have to pay to do his laundry, but rules are rules!"
 * "Attention, evil underlings. There will be a solar flare at approximately six o'clock this evening. Radiation levels will rise twelve-thousand percent. I'm safe in my chambers, of course. Lead walls. But you all should get some sunblock or something. Might I recommend SPF three-thousand?"
 * "Today's space lunch will consist of beef stroganoff. The beef isn't actually meat, but I've been assured that it will pass through you without incident."
 * "Minions, I have detected a disturbance in the Force! This is surprising because I'm not actually a Jedi. It may be gas, but just in case, thought I should mention it."
 * "Security, there's been a disturbance in Sector Twelve! Dispatch additional evil things and get your stups on!"
 * "Security, someone has taken my favorite picture of my mother! Search the building and get it back! I want it returned to its place of honor on top of my urinal immediately!"
 * "Minions, how does my hair look today? You know, cause I'm kinda thinking about wearing it up for a little while. Maybe to a ponytail, though that might be a little too 'art teacher' if you know what I mean. Ting-a-ling-a-ling! Cortex out."
 * "Everyone, listen up. I'm expecting a package, so if you see the delivery guy, could you buzz him through, please? Come to think of it, how's he going to get to space? I've got to stop shopping online."
 * "The worldwide distribution of NVs has been completed! Activation will occur in two Earth hours! I mean, unless some sort of hero stops by, but what are the odds of that? Like a million to one or something?"
 * "Attention, minions. Someone has been eating sandwiches while going to the bathroom! That's seriously gross. A reward of ten-thousand currency units has been issued for that sandwich micturator. That is all."

When hit (L)

 * "Huh, I swear I feel an insect... hm! It's you, Crash."
 * "Yeah, nice shot there, weirdo. I'm very threatened."
 * "Aww... you're trying to beat me! That's so cute."
 * "You're not very good at this, are you?"
 * "Tempt fate, will you?"
 * "Oh come on. What the heck is that?"
 * "Oh, ow, that hurts. Please, stop."
 * "Oh, good luck there, Crash. You'll beat me in a year or so."
 * "Quit tickling me already!
 * "You dare raise a hand to me? You insect!"
 * "Well, now you're just being silly."
 * "Come on, put some muscle into it!"
 * "Even Coco's snappy dialogue hurts more than that."

When hit (L)

 * "Ow! Look, stop that!"
 * "Wretched little rodent!"
 * "Stinking mutants! That's right, all of you!"
 * "Not my head, I need that!"
 * "That's really starting to hurt."
 * Ow! My... face, you... guy!"
 * (sarcastically) "Oh, no, please, stop."
 * "Stop trying to hit me, and hit me!"
 * "Someone get him off me!"
 * "Ow! That kind of hurt."
 * "Nope, doesn't hurt. Sorry."
 * "Dang it, Crash!"