Crash Tag Team Racing script

This page is comprised of transcriptions of all the cutscenes in Crash Tag Team Racing.

Notes:
 * Each cutscene is in chronological order of appearance in regular gameplay.

Meet the Dummkopfs

 * Chick: "Top o' the mornin' and a cock-a-doodle-doo sports fans. Chick Gizzard Lips here welcoming you to the farewell race at Von Clutch's MotorWorld."
 * Stew: "That's right, Chick baby, on what might be the final day of operation, Von Clutch will surely have to turn out the lights on his lifelong dream."
 * Chick: "Von Clutch, the deranged genius cyborg, has fabricated the ultimate auto racing theme park. Indeed, the park's tracks have reeked terror on its participants, too [Stew is now wearing a purple fedora] gruesome for this reporter to describe over the air!"
 * Stew: [off topic] "Well, I ain't got a problem with it. Man, you ever put a baked ham in a wood chipper? I know I have."
 * Chick: [attempting to get Stew back on topic] "Ahem."
 * Stew: "Oh sorry. But now ol' Von Clutch's Power Gems have been stolen, giving Von Clutch just a few hours to get his Power Gems back, or it's [Stew is now having a cool look] 'slam dunk, thank you, punk'".
 * Chick: "Ebenezer Von Clutch is now risking his park ownership in a high-stakes, no-holds-barred race. Race contestants must survive a gauntlet of each of the park's five lands and recover every one of the Power Gems that have been stolen."
 * Cortex: "Ha ha ha! It's only a matter of time before we deal with these meddlesome rodents forever! Hahahahahaha- Ow!"
 * Von Clutch: "Pasadena, Villie, I only have a short time before I'm kaputsky! We must find more racers! Is there no dummkopfs among you, to accept the challenge of the greatest race of all time?"
 * Chick: [after the other racers crash into each other] "Well, sports fans, it appears that we have found our dummkopfs."
 * Crunch: "Nice drivin', fool!"

Von Clutch Makes a Deal

 * Cortex: "What is the meaning of this? Have you any idea with whom you are dealing?"
 * Von Clutch: "Zee world renowned evil doer Dr. Neo Periwinkle Cortex, I have all your games! For a moment here, I think all is lost for Von Clutch. But, when I see my favorite video heroes, my fingers tingle with joy!"
 * Cortex: "Well tingle all you want. I have an appointment with world domination."
 * Von Clutch: "Nnnnnein! I need more racers to recover mein Power Gems! Whoever is first to win all the Power Gems, wins the ownership of mein park! Und look, even my beloved Black Power Gem is gone!"
 * N. Gin: "Perhaps this is the answer to our dilemma. This deranged theme park is fertile ground for us to plant a new seed OF EVIL!!!"
 * Cortex: "Yes. A new sinister base, all the churros we can eat, and rid ourselves of the bandicoots all at the same time!"
 * Pasadena: "Not so fast! I'm Pasadena O'Possum! I'm racing for ol' Von Clutch, and I'm gonna whoop you, that's for sure!"
 * Cortex: "So, if I win you'll hand over the deed to this amusement enterprise? No questions asked?"
 * Willie: "Perhaps a riddle or two!"
 * Cortex: "Holy cannoli! [Jumps behind N-Gin] What is that thing?"
 * Von Clutch: "Ah, that's mein jolly park mascot, Villie Wumpa Cheeks."
 * Cortex: "Okay Von Clutch we're in. Where do we start?"
 * Willie: "Heedely-hidely-ho! To the statue you must go! This way or that, fall down, you go 'splat!' And everyone thinks you're a shmoe!"

Halfway Point

 * Chick: "I'm on, but who's on top? We're here with the valiant competitors to get their vivid impressions at this, the halfway point in the event."
 * Cortex: "I haven't put my crooked finger on it yet folks, but something's fishy around here. There's someone or something rigging these tracks, and it should be me!"
 * Pasadena: "There's more here than meets the eye, girlfriend."
 * Coco: "You're right Pasadena! I've noticed too many coincidences with the stolen power gems. There must be a pattern n' stuff."
 * Chick: "Ach, this is a wash. Bill, let's roll tape."

Follow the Wumpa Whip

 * Chick: "Zowie, sports fans, did you see that..." [pushed aside by Cortex]
 * Stew: "Ow! My tail!"
 * Cortex: "Curses. Some sinister force is upstaging my evil plan! Curses, Curses, CURSES!"
 * Coco: "Hey, I think I'm beginning to deduce what's going on around here."
 * Crunch: "What is it?"
 * Coco: "Well, the pattern I've concluded from deductive reasoning is that whoever stole the power gems has some connection to... Wumpa Whip!"
 * Von Clutch: "Wumpa Whip?"
 * Pasadena: "That's affirmative, V.C. There's been a trail of Wumpa Whip at the scene of every stolen Power Gem in the park!"
 * Von Clutch: "That's ridiculickalickalous! I mean, who drinks Wumpa Whip anyway?"
 * Coco/Crunch/Cortex/N. Gin/Pasadena/Von Clutch: "IT'S YOU!"
 * Coco: Ohhhh Crash! How could you?!"
 * Willie: "Oh! That's it! I've had it! You people are dumber than a sack of hammers! It's me! Meeee! I tell you! Don't you get it? Meeee!"
 * Von Clutch: "Villie? Mein jolly park mascot? Don't tell me anymore! I can't hear you! Weißte ich kann nicht hörn diese Lügen! (I know I cannot hear these lies!)"
 * Willie: "And I would've succeeded too, if it wasn't for you meddling bandicoots! And now the time is nigh, it's really do or die! This stone in my sack proves Von Clutch is a hack! And you can look for me in the sky! Hahahahaha! So long, suckers!"
 * Von Clutch: "Ach, quick! We must schtop him! We have only moments left, und we must get mein Black Power Gem before I'm kaput!"
 * Coco/Crunch/Cortex/N. Gin/Pasadena/Von Clutch: "To the Rocket!"

Countdown Begins

 * Chick: "Here we are, sports fans, the last hurrah. Crash Bandicoot has collected the final Power Gem and won himself the ownership of the park!"
 * Stew: "But with only a short time left, is it too late to retrieve the Black Power Gem and save the weakened [camera cuts to Von Clutch ceasing working] Ebenezer Von Clutch?

I Hate Chicken

 * Willie: "Come on, come on, don't do this to me!"
 * Pasadena: "Alright, you Sour Fruit! Hand over that Black Power Gem!"
 * Willie: "Hey! Who are you calling sour?!"
 * Crunch: "Aw, man!"
 * Cortex: "Those retched bandicoots foiled my plan to take over this amusement enterprise!"
 * N. Gin: "Yes my lord! Hehehehehe..."
 * Cortex: "Stop having fun! Oblierate them! What? I hate chicken. We'll meet again Crash Bandicoooottttt! (Voice fades away)"
 * Chick: "And to the victors go the spoils. Congratulations, Bandicoots!"
 * Coco: "Thank you Mister...Chicken man! This is really cool n' stuff but we'd like to return the park ownership to where it belongs. To Ebenezer Von Clutch."
 * Pasadena: But, I don't think that's gonna do any good. Now that the Black Power Gem is gone, Von Clutch has ridden the demolition derby in the sky...
 * Crunch: [crying] "Crunch sad!"
 * [Crash drinks from Willie's nose and coughs up the Black Power Gem, which lands in Von Clutch.]
 * Von Clutch: "Ach du lieber! I'm feeling wonderful, ja! Crash my boy, I own it all to you! Danke schon! Free lifetime passes to all ze Bandicoots, ja! Hip-hip hooray! hip-hip hooray! Hip-hip- [Crash accidentally knocks out the Black Power Gem] -hip... [he falls over]"