Crash of the Titans script

The following is a list of quotes from the 2007 video game Crash of the Titans; they are listed alphabetically by character.

Aku Aku

 * "Well what do we have here? You'll tell us where Coco is won't you?
 * "Listen up corndog. You help us, or Crash will sing you some knuckle music
 * (Reply to N-Gin's comment about Crash not looking like a bandicoot.) "What?"
 * "I will deal with them. I have been fighting Evil for many centurys."
 * "This is a far as I can take us. We'll have to fight to the robot's interior and save your sister."
 * "Help!"
 * "Thank you Crash. My powers were useless againest them."
 * "Dark magic is behind these creatures. Strange things are afoot."
 * "Yes I know I don't have feet! Let's just go already!"
 * "Nina? You mean Dr. Cortex don't you?"
 * "This isn't good Crash. Nina's a lot smarter than Cortex ever could be. I'll take us there now. Get ready Crash."
 * "No. Probably not food Crash. A bad treat."

Crunch Bandicoot

 * (Reply to Cortex's comment telling them to surrender.) "Make us Sucker!"
 * (Reply to Aku Aku's comment about fighting evil.) "What? You don't even got a body!"
 * "Uh, I'm just going to stay here awhile."
 * (When The Doominator is about to crash into Wumpa Island) "Oh No!"
 * "What's up children? Give me a hug!"

Coco Bandicoot

 * "Your... hair is dumb!"
 * "Whip her butt and then we'll get pancakes! With cherry topping!"
 * "You did it, Crash! Thanks, big brother!"
 * Crash! Help me get this gizmo working! At long last, the world will have a way to recycle butter! Hey, that was a good one! Ok ok, hand me the transpalooper. Ha ha, that purple thingy.
 * "Crash! Help!"
 * "Well, I could do it in seconds if I had my transpalooper. The purple thing?"
 * (Reply to Cortex's comment calling her and Crash rejects.) "You jerk."
 * (Reply to the name Cortex gives his robot.) "The name sucks!"
 * "Our house is okay! Ugh that's a relief, all our stuff was in there. Aww Wumpa Island.... but our stuff's okay! ... Er, let's go home. And eat pancakes!"

Doctor N. Gin

 * "Thank you Master!
 * (Screams and covers eyes) "Thank you again!! Hotter than the first!" (Laughs crazily)
 * (Giggles) "That's right, tough guy! Unless you want to buy a new stationery, you respect the master!"
 * "Oh, I know! Glossy!"
 * "Ah, come on. He didn't even have a cup."
 * "Crash, you fool! You are too late! It's time to drop the doom hammer on you. Eh, the doom hammer of doom...uh-uh-upon you, and...LET'S JUST DANCE BABY!!"
 * OH YOU'RE MAKING ME SO MAD, NOW! I JUST WANT TO PULL ON MY FACE, I AM SO MAD!
 * "Do you think you have the marbles, do you?"
 * "CUT THAT OUT, GOAT CHILD!!!"
 * You're just making it worse for yourself.
 * "Don't laugh at me...YOU WILL REGRET LAUGHING AT ME!!!"
 * "Seriously, LEAVE THOSE ALONE ALREADY!!"
 * "Just leave those alone already. SERIOUSLY, PLEASE!!!"
 * "Stop resisting my good looks, and GIVE UP ALREADY!!!"
 * "Of course not! Disgusting, filthy bandicoots! I hate them with cheese."
 * "They made it here! Now they'll help us save Doctor Cortex! / Don't be ridiculous, you stupid hominid! We're with Nina now! We're with the winner! / But Doctor Cortex is our friend... / You don't have any friends! He always kicked you in the tokus! And other... very... gentle spots! / But I liked it when he did that... / It was kinda funny... Listen. We make a deal with this filthy rodent and pie-nuts-face and they help us save the master. Then we shower them with doom! (giggles) / Yes! We shower them good! Right in the eyes!" (giggles more)
 * "I'll be good! I promise I'll be good! And once my precious master has been freed, I will gladly betray you!"
 * "You don't even look like a bandicoot!"
 * "Shh... It's okay. Anyway, get out of here."
 * "That's right, stupids! You need to go to Uka Uka's lab and stop him. That's where they make all the delicious mutants! Maybe your revolting sister is there, too. Eww... girls..."

Factory intercom announcements

 * "You have no one to blame... but your stupid face!"
 * "Ha ha! Ha ha! Who is the toady sidekick now?!"
 * "Shower him with fisticuffs! Or is it cuftifists? Dah, just hit him!"
 * "More polka themes or cantastic doom. Cabbage rolls and coffee!"
 * "Attention, revolting yet beloved Doom Monkey servants. Tomorrow is 'Make-Your-Child-Work-In-The-Corps Day. Be sure to bring your many rat-like offspring so we can make them do work considered unsafe for robots. Also, please note that Friday is Hawaiian Shirt Day, so try to find a sufficiently tacky shirt. That is all."
 * "Enjoy... your screaming doom!"
 * "More minions! I covet it! Victory!"
 * "Try this on for size, Mister Hairy Butt! Gross! I'm gonna be sick!"
 * "I wish my brother George was here. Oh, but he was always so superficial."
 * "I should do a bit on phonetic punctuation while I am up here."
 * "Oh, I love this part! I could be on Cyborg Idol if that show existed. Why don't they make that show?!"
 * "Running a little low on minions. I gotta wonder why I don't send them all in at once."
 * "Let's go, underlings, let's go! Let's go... let's see some team spirit out there!"
 * "Come on, everybody! Sing along! You all know the tune! Doooomy doomy-doooom doom... shooby-doomy-doomy doooom doom..."
 * "Oh, I am the worst thing to happen to music... since Andrew Lloyd Webber!"
 * "Stop him, minions! He's after my radioactive rubber pants!"
 * "N-GIN! What does that spell? IIIII don't know...GO GET HIM!! YOU REVOLTING MUTANT SLAVES!!!!
 * "Oh you're going to love this part! Yes... Love it!"
 * "I'll ruin you like I ruined my prom!"
 * "Attention my super sebian gibbins of doom! That means YOU, YOU IDIOT DOOM MONKEYS! Look to the monkey to your left and to your right and if one them is Crash Bandicoot, INFLICT UNSPEAKABLE HORROR AND PAIN UPON HIM! WITH POINTED STICKS, AND WRENCHES, AND TERRIBLE DEVICES, DO MEN DOOM MONKEY WAS MEANT TO WHEAL. (makes odd noise) Please note company conventions have been canceled in favor of Bagel Wednesday. That is all."
 * "Attention filthy monkeys! I have lost my toast recipe. Repeat, my family recipe for toast has been lost. The butter supply arrives shortly but I will have nothing to put it on! Somebody help me! I wrote the recipe down on a little post-it note, but can't find it. Also, Crash Bandicoot has been sighted, yada yada yada, peace out, homies."
 * "Attention disgusting Doom Monkeys! Crash Bandicoot is loose in the facility. Please take a moment to look around your workspace. If you find a bandicoot, please DROP HUGE BOMBS ON HIM, cause explosions, and sharp things to fly into their bodies! (laughs) Reminder, tomorrow is muffin day in the cafeteria. Mmm, muffins! That is all."
 * "Maybe these little cupcakes will be your own doing. Mmmmmmm, cupcakes! You are like little cups of cake! I just told you what you already know."
 * "Spew out more bad guys! Do it!"
 * "Someone take out the trash! And by trash, I mean Crash! Say that right, I should start a record label. THEN I COULD GET SOME CHICKS! TIRED OF MONKEYS!!!!"
 * (from factory head) "Hurry up and defeat Crash! He's getting that look in his eyes again!"
 * (from factory head) "OWWWW!!! I broke my bum!

Doctor Neo Cortex

 * "Is... Is this thing on? Yeah? Ha ha! I'm back, babies! Surrender to Cortex!"
 * "Hey, genius. I can't actually hear you. I'm really far away and I'm flying like a hovercraft or something."
 * "I'm off to do bad things! Ta-ta!"
 * "Crash, you gullible fool! You walked right into my trap. Now I'll have you and the Mojo!"
 * "Well, actually it's pretty fun. You should try it. You know riding around in huge rumbling machines and what not? Very stimulating."
 * "Uka Uka taught me a new process called "Mojo Mutations". I will use the stolen mojo to create a huge army of loyal mutants! Not rejects like you guys!"
 * "I don't see what the big deal is. We got away with the mojo and Crash's sister!"
 * "Thank you. Eh, What?! What do you mean?"
 * "Hey Crash, come over here and whoop this sorry excuse for a niece!"
 * "You fools! The Doominator can't be disabled that easily,"
 * "How long have had that in your pants?"
 * "Awww, but I like seeing things get destroyed! Oh, you're awful!"
 * "Oh, Nina betraying me is the most vile evil thing you could have ever done..... You are a skank...I'm just so proud of you right now."
 * "Oh and go kill bandicoots too!"
 * "I'm still gonna spank you stupid for this!"

When a Titan is jacked

 * "Not that guy! I liked that guy! As a friend..."
 * "Stop helping him! Snap out of it!"
 * "You were my favorite!"

When first noticing Crash

 * "Attack!"
 * "Bite and scratch him!"
 * "Consume bandicoot!"
 * "Crash Crash Crash Crash Crash!"
 * "Crash is here! Crash is here!"
 * "Finish him!"
 * "Hooray, let's fight!"
 * "Leeroy!"
 * "Monkey rage!"
 * "Rumble in the jungle!"
 * "Test him now!"
 * "MONKEYS TO HEAR!!"
 * "Fight and Win! Maybe."
 * "Win fight I know!"
 * "Err...So angry now!"

When attacked by Crash

 * "Bully!"
 * "Why you do that?"
 * "It hurts! It hurts!"
 * "Heh heh ow. Heh heh ow."
 * "Crash too tast!"
 * "It burns! It burns!"

When killed by Crash

 * "Doom for monkey."
 * "I'm melting, I'm melting! Oh, what a world, what a world!"
 * "It's over."
 * "Remember me..."
 * "Will I dream?"
 * "Uncle!"
 * "Banana..."
 * "Sorry N-Gin."
 * "MONKEY!"
 * "Monkey over."

Conversations:
"Why are we here?"

"Boss Lady looking for bandicoot. Bandicoot come to stop us make boom things."

"Why we make boom things?"

We make boom things for Boss Lady's robot. Biggest boom thing of all!"

"(Laughs) Boom things fun!"

"Boom things!"

Nina Cortex

 * "Take out the trash, girls!"
 * "Sorry, uncle, but it's time for some young blood to lead us to victory! And now that we have Coco, we can make her build the robot."
 * "Oh, I hope Crash tries. I really do. After all, I need a new fur coat. (laughs, then snorts)"
 * "Get to work on the Doominator! Make more mutant soldiers! I want Wumpa Island smashed flat!"
 * "Oh shut her up!"
 * "The mojo we stole on his working perfectly. We're making more loyal mutants soilders than we know what to do it!"
 * "Yo Uka, what's the matter with you?"
 * "What? Spit it out kenlin face!"
 * "Oh, jesus. Crash and Aku Aku are here? I'll take blondy here and make her finish work on the robot. You! Stay behind and kill Crash!"
 * "And when I destroy Wumpa Island, I won't even let you watch!"
 * (Reply to Cortex's comment saying she's awful.) "Thanks!" (Laughs, then snorts.)
 * "And as for you, I really didn't want to do this myself. I really wanted one of my idiot underlings to destroy you. I really didn't want to get hair all over my clothes! But if you want something done right, use a giant spider-bot!"
 * "Kill Crash and we'll have punch. Who doesn't like punch?"

Conversations:
"Do you see anything?"

"Ooh, what am I looking for again? Help me out here!"

"We're looking for the Bandicoot, you moronic simpleton! The greatest threat to the lovely master's plans."

"But how can those rodents be a threat compared to us rodents into the likey and the like and-oh, so nice!"

"Well, allow me to educate you, my uneducated litte chump. Bandicoots: a medium sized marsupial-omivore from the order of paramella-morphleia."

"Obviously, yes everyone knows that." (odd noise)

"But, what most people don't know is that paramella-morphleian creatures are immune to mojo control. Oh, I don't need that control."

"But that means they can never learn to love their master!"

"Yes, you are down like a clown, my righteous colleague, so stay sharp! We have got bandicoots to subdue!"

"Science is fun!"

"Science, and learning. And maths, and, uh, arithmetic and geography."

"Do you see any bandicoots?"

"No, I don't see any bandicoots, so be quiet, you silly person!"

"Why is the boss kidnapping mutants doesn't he like us like when he first made us? Oh, he was so romantic and lovely!"

"Oh, of course he likes us! That's crazy talk you're sayin there! He just needs more mutants and MOJO to build his secret doomsday weapon!"

"What is he making?"

"Wow, if I tell you it's not a secret is it you crazy silly! 'Cause it's a secret! Meaning it can't be said! Now enough talk! Back to looking for bandicoots."

"So what are we doing in this crazy place. I mean it's weird and unusual in a way."

"Well, we have determined through science, that this place is the single greatest collection of MOJO on the island."

"Oh, that's a good thing."

"Yeah, darn tootin' it's a good thing! With the hall of MOJO from this one location, we can build a huge and mighty army, with felonious intent."

"Oh fabulous felonious, I'm looking forward to that part."

"Indeed, there's really no way to go wrong, because let's face it: the boss is overdue for a win."

"Oh yeah, overdue. On a scale of one to overdue he's terrible because his recent history not good, bad in fact because... his evil schemes are like from zero to a number bigger than... zero."

When first noticing Crash

 * "There he is!"
 * "Wonderful. I was hungry!"
 * "Get Crash with the thing!"
 * "(laughs)"
 * "Aren't you lovely?"
 * "Quick! Sample it!"
 * "Capture him for the Mojo!"
 * "Oh, he looks juicy and delicious!"
 * "Sound the Alarm-O-Gram!"
 * "Beat him, in the nether regions. Because I personally enjoy that."
 * "Get the bandi-rodent!"
 * "Attack on the silly person!"
 * "Get the fuzzy! Fuzzy bear!"
 * "Get the bandi-whatever!"
 * "Victory is assured!"
 * "Charging to the front!"

When unable to reach Crash

 * "The physics of him being there are just tremendous."
 * "You'd think he's an Italian plumber or something."
 * "You'd think he was a fast-moving hedgehog or something."
 * "I am ashamed, but I am unable to visualize the enemy at this time."
 * "I have felonious desire..."
 * "You being up there is making me look bad down here."
 * "Help, he's leaving! It's shameful and annoying!"
 * "Stop, 'cause it's not a good thing!"
 * "Stop, 'cause it's not good. It's a thing that's... not good!"
 * "Dr. Cortex is gonna lose it if he gets away."
 * "Dr. Cortex is gonna lose it if he escapes."
 * "Yeah there's a new invention they call it a step-ladder, go get one stupid."
 * "You're making me look bad up there."
 * "I shall file a complaint if you do not re-engage."
 * "I shall file a complaint if you do not re-engage. Give me my ring back."
 * "I shall file a complaint if you don't re-engage and I won't be happy!"
 * "Where is he going, honestly?"
 * "Honestly, I have appointments to keep... return!"
 * "Seriously, I have appointments to keep, places to be, so come on back!"
 * "I feel very un-athletic watching him do that."
 * "He's making me feel very out of shape doing that!"
 * "Dahhh! Where's he off to now?!"
 * "Why's he leaving? Doesn't he like us?"
 * "Crash...? Aww, forget you."
 * "Come on! We'll fight, we'll fix Crash!"
 * "We have fisticuffs to complete Crash..."
 * "Seriously I have to ask him a question, where's he going?!"
 * "Where's he going?"
 * "I've gotta get some of those shoes!"
 * "Crash, come back. We'll just hang we won't get weird!"
 * "I seek a conclusion for battle."
 * "A bandicoot pie we will make!"
 * "If he gets away, we're going feel very silly."
 * "If he gets away, we're going to feel very silly. Not in a good way."
 * "If he gets away, we're going to feel...silly."
 * "He's making us appear foolish."
 * "How'd he get over there and I am here..."
 * "Shouldn't that hurt his knees? Seriously!"
 * "Shouldn't that hurt his knees? I mean seriously it's like a cal ratio."
 * "Begin the search for Crash. But, but we have lost him."
 * "Drat and blast you for leavin'!"
 * "Ah, come on. Get back here already."
 * "Oh, come on! Get back here already!"
 * "How to catch up with him I have no idea."
 * "I can't just shaunt into that locale!"
 * "I can't storm into that locale!"
 * "Crash you irritant!"
 * "But the fight is down here please."
 * "Crash you irritant. You are feel like a wolf...Stop!"
 * "Crash, he's like Flubber, the mystery stuff and the goo!"
 * "Return post-haste so the fight may continue!"
 * "Return post-haste so the fight can go on continusely!"

When killed by Crash

 * "Aborting!"
 * "Medic!"
 * "Avenge me!"
 * "Why me?"
 * "aaauugh!!!"
 * "May-Day!"
 * "NOOOOOO!!"

Uka Uka

 * "Yes...for once everything is going according to plan." (Pauses)
 * (Reply to Nina's comment asking what's wrong.) "I sensed something. A presence I have not felt since..."
 * "A tremor in the mojo. The last time I felt it it was in the presence of my older brother Aku Aku."
 * "Oh yes. I will kill Crash Bandicoot. Kill him... forever.(pauses for a few seconds) Ooh, I love this part. (pauses for a few more seconds) Okay, it's done."
 * "I'll get the last laugh! (laughs) I'm laughing now too just in case."
 * "That was ridiculous and appaling! You failed to destroy Crash Bandicoot!"
 * "I got away with with the mojo and the big deal is that Crash Bandicoot is still alive! Cortex, I'm going to replace you."
 * "Allow me to annouce your replacement. Nina Cortex!"
 * "You worthless buddies, better get in here! Or it's nothing but liver and onions for a week!"
 * "So you little insects actually made it? Well I've prepared a little treat for you."
 * "Oh it's a bad treat all right! Tell me Crash, do you remember the Evolvo-Ray? Well let's see what happens when I use the Evolvo-Ray...ON MYSELF!!!"
 * "I just love being a bully."
 * "NOW I'M JUST FURIOUS!"
 * "I'll grate you the cheese. Parmesan."
 * "I thought I could do this alone I was wrong help! "
 * "Not that part!. I love that part."
 * "Knock it off Uka. Knock it off."
 * Oh come on I need that one!"
 * "How do you keep doing that ?"
 * "You're only winning because I'm not used to having legs!"
 * "You think you've defeated me? I'll get the last laugh on you fools! Any moment now Nina's robot will be completed and Wumpa Island will be doomed!"
 * "And Nina will have no more use for your lovely sister so she's finished too!"

When first noticing Crash

 * "Delicious bandicoot! Make soup!"
 * "Get his carrots!"
 * "Get his carrots! He has carrots!"
 * "Voodoo Bunny!"
 * "Voodoo attack!
 * "Voodoo hurt you!"

When unable to reach Crash

 * "Come back here, Crash! Want moooore!"
 * "Oh, you just get back here, mister!"
 * "Somebody stop him!"
 * "He's getting away."
 * "Aww forget it! Let's just take a break."
 * "Where'd he go? He just here!"
 * "I lost him!"
 * "Someone get a ladder!"

Crash Bandicoot

 * "Woohoo!"
 * "Pancakes!"
 * "Nina?"
 * "Look at that!"

Tiny Tiger

 * "Crash, I really am crossed with you! I'm just trying to do my job, and you go and cause all this chaos! I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to eat your face."
 * "Yeah, I'm really sorry about that. I wish some kind of reconsideration is possible here. And frankly, I'm still mad about the last game.You didn't even invite me! That really hurt!"
 * "It's a really nice stationary too."
 * "Stop! No more please! You're just stupendous and faboulous! Honestly, you're just awesome!"
 * "I'll tell you where to go! Nina took Coco to the beach."
 * "No Nina. Uka Uka and her got rid of Cortex. They were tired of Cortex failing all the time."