Crash Tag Team Racing script

This page is comprised of transcriptions of all the cutscenes in Crash Tag Team Racing.

Notes:
 * Each cutscene is in chronological order of appearance in regular gameplay.

Meet the Dummkopfs

 * Chick: "Top o' the mornin' and a cock-a-doodle-doo sports fans. Chick Gizzard Lips here welcoming you to the farewell race at Von Clutch's MotorWorld."
 * Stew: "That's right, Chick baby, on what might be the final day of operation, Von Clutch will surely have to turn out the lights on his lifelong dream."
 * Chick: "Von Clutch, the deranged genius cyborg, has fabricated the ultimate auto racing theme park. Indeed, the park's tracks have reeked terror on its participants, too [Stew is now wearing a purple fedora] gruesome for this reporter to describe over the air!"
 * Stew: [off topic] "Well, I ain't got a problem with it. Man, you ever put a baked ham in a wood chipper? I know I have."
 * Chick: [attempting to get Stew back on topic] "Ahem."
 * Stew: "Oh sorry. But now ol' Von Clutch's Power Gems have been stolen, giving Von Clutch just a few hours to get his Power Gems back, or it's [Stew is now having a cool look] 'slam dunk, thank you, punk'".
 * Chick: "Ebenezer Von Clutch is now risking his park ownership in a high-stakes, no-holds-barred race. Race contestants must survive a gauntlet of each of the park's five lands and recover every one of the Power Gems that have been stolen."
 * Cortex: "Ha ha ha! It's only a matter of time before we deal with these meddlesome rodents forever! Hahahahahaha- Ow!"
 * Von Clutch: "Pasadena, Villie, I only have a short time before I'm kaputsky! We must find more racers! Is there no dummkopfs among you, to accept the challenge of the greatest race of all time?"
 * Chick: [after the other racers crash into each other] "Well, sports fans, it appears that we have found our dummkopfs."