List of quotes in Crash Tag Team Racing

The following is a list of quotes from the 2005 video game Crash Tag Team Racing. This is listed alphabetically by character.
 * Coco Bandicoot
 * Crunch Bandicoot
 * Doctor N. Gin
 * Doctor Neo Cortex
 * Nina Cortex
 * Pasadena O'Possum
 * Von Clutch

Cutscenes

 * "That's right, Chick baby, on what might be the final day of operation, Von Clutch will surely have to turn out the lights on his lifelong dream."
 * [off topic] "Well, I ain't got a problem with it. Man, you ever put a baked ham in a wood chipper? I know I have."
 * "Oh sorry. But now ol' Von Clutch's Power Gems have been stolen, giving Von Clutch just a few hours to get his Power Gems back, or it's 'slam dunk thank you punk'"!
 * "You know I'm excited! Get goin' Crash, and show me what you've got!"
 * "Man, I sure hope that Stinkin' Beauty goin' be as fine and shapely as she is in the storybooks."
 * "Man, that Wumpa Cheek dude freaks me OUT!"
 * "In this brutal world, contestants struggle with primeval race tracks like Fossil Fuel Injection, La Brea Car Pits, and the treacherous Tire and Ice. Keep sharp players, there's even a Battle Arena to test your mettle."
 * "I really hate that guy."
 * "Well, for sure our racers are goin' to have a tough time here, Chicky-poo. They must first survive Dead Heat, make their way into Crash Test Mummies, and navigate through Pyramid Pass. And if that ain't enough, then the face the ultimate challenge deep within, the tomb of terror."
 * "But with only a short time left, is it too late to retrieve the Black Power Gem and save the weakened [camera cuts to Von Clutch ceasing working] Ebenezer Von Clutch?
 * "Whoa man, that's what the script says?! That's messed up!"
 * "That's a lot of Uranus!"

Tutorial (PS2 version)

 * "OK newbie, to walk or run, simply move the left Analog Stick or press the Directional Buttons in the direction you want Crash to move. I won't laugh, haha."
 * "Small objects might require you to jump-move to get over. Now hit that X button and let's see you do just a single jump. Come on, feel it baby, oooh!"
 * "You know, Wumpa Coins are scattered everywhere, even inside certain objects. Collect that coin baby and spend it like crazy on new stuff! Bling bling!"
 * "Are you ready? Crash is able to hang off ledges! No kidding! While hanging, move the left Analog Stick or press the Directional Buttons to edge shimmy left and right. Press the X button to move off the edge."
 * "Oh, this place is a dump! Sometimes the floor will just give way under you! Play it safe and jump over it."
 * "OK, you're gonna love this one. Jump Pads allow Crash to jump to otherwise inaccessible locations. Press the X button to jump onto a Jump Pad. Man, this game is smokin'!"

Missions

 * "Ol' Stewbie-doo needs a little help from you. You see, Ol' Stew has been runnin' around the hen house again and some ol' nasty chicken's been leavin' our eggs all over the place. If I don't find those eggs, my old lady will kill Stew. Go get me those eggs, boy! I'll make it worth your while."
 * "What's wrong with you boy? Stew said all the eggs!"
 * "Crash! Whatcha doin' to me, man? My missus will pluck me down to the gizzard if she sees those eggs, and I'm mysteriously rooted to the spot! I...can't...move!"
 * "You just toyin' with the Stew, ain't cha? This is how you get your kicks, playin' with ol' Stew when he's in a jam. Stew needs a hug!"
 * "Not you!"
 * "Oh, thank you boy. Thank you so much! Stew don't belong in no dog house, you know what I'm sayin'? You go check your garage. Stew be havin' a little surprise in there for ya."

When attacked by Crash

 * "Now I'll never be a daddy!"
 * "Celebrity under attack! Bodyguard!"
 * "Hey, did Chick's wife send you?!"
 * "Owwwwwwwww!"
 * "Ow, my wings!"
 * "STEW'S BEEN KICKED!"
 * "Stew's been hit! Stew's down!"
 * "Startin' somethin' boy? Startin' with the Stew?"
 * "Blacken, man, blacken! Stew needs blacken!"
 * "Ow, my feet!"
 * "Oh, my legs!"
 * "You spinnin' freak!"
 * "Oh, the pain!"
 * "Ow!"
 * "Ow, my tail!"
 * "You don't wanna start something with a professional cock fighter, boy!"
 * "Oh, my stomach!"
 * "Oh, that hurt a lot!"
 * "Chick, save me Chick! Chickkkk!"
 * "Oh, my stuffin'!"

Cutscenes

 * "Top of the morning and a cock-a-doodle-doo sports fans. Chick Gizzard Lips here, welcoming you to the farewell race at Von Clutch's MotorWorld."
 * "Von Clutch, the deranged genius cyborg, has fabricated the ultimate auto racing theme park. Indeed, the park's tracks have reeked terror on its participants, too gruesome for this reporter to describe over the air!"
 * "[clears throat]"
 * "Ebenezer Von Clutch is now risking his park ownership in a high-stakes, no-holds-barred race. Race contestants must survive a gauntlet of each of the park's five lands and recover every one of the Power Gems that have been stolen."
 * "Well, sports fans, it appears that we have found our go-karts."
 * "Thank you Mister Cheeks. Yes, race fans, a bounty of booty awaits you in this, our first race challenge. Thrill to the terrors of Tiki Turbo, endure the perplexing Pirates of the Carburetor, and defeat the insidious delusions of Deep Sea Driving! Master these dangerous tracks, and find greater challenge in the Battle Arena, where unhinged lunatics compete for trivial prizes! Isn't this exciting Stew!"
 * [introducing the Happily After Faster world] "Welcome everyone, in this wondrous land of enchantment, contestants test their mettle against the putrid forces of darkness! Race through the Track and the Beanstalk, Once Upon a Tire, and the ruthless Evilocity! Then test your wits on the Stunt Arena challenge."
 * "I second that emotion."
 * "Just don't let him touch you! Yes, sports fans, here you will race through a planet's violent beginnings."
 * "I'm on, but who's on top? We're here with the valiant competitors to get their vivid impressions at this, the halfway point in the event."
 * "Ach, this is a wash. Phil, let's roll tape."
 * "Creepy yes, but how right he is, Stew! Within this haunted city of ancient-ish Egypt, resides the forbidding curse of Tomb Town. Within these hollowed walls and tacky gift shops, Von Clutch has created the ultimate in-Egyptian driving simulation."
 * "Between the three track entrances and the exceptionally difficult battle arena, this may be the toughest one, race fans."
 * "Zowie, sports fans, did you see that... [pushed aside by Cortex]"
 * "Here we are, sports fans, the last hurrah. Crash Bandicoot has collected the final Power Gem and won himself the ownership of the park!"
 * "Well, sports fans, welcome to Astro Land, where yesterday's dream of the future is the nightmare of today!"
 * "Choose from many futuristic adventures by plunging deep into Uranus' Mine. Or careen through the celestial Craters on Uranus. And beware the deadly and dangerous Rings of Uranus."
 * "You're telling me."
 * "And to the victors go the spoils. Congratulations, Bandicoots!"

Tutorial (PS2 version)

 * "Large obstacles or distances might require you to perform your first double jump to overcome them! How exciting! Press the X button, and then press the X button while still in the air to perform said double jump!
 * "OK, you've reached your first ladder. Somebody get a picture! To climb a ladder, press the X button to jump on and then press it again and again until you've reached the top."

Missions

 * "Crash Bandicoot, it is fine to see you this lovely day, my friend. Are you well? That's good! I have a little proposition for you. I've learned that my co-commentator Stew has wagered heavily on Cortex to win the deed to the park. It would do me well if he lost that wager. Bring me a Power Crystal and you can use this fine vehicle I'm standing beside now."
 * "You are surely joking, my friend. No Power Crystal means no car! Return when you have the means I require."
 * "Crash Bandicoot, once again you are here trying my patience! No Power Crystal means no car and no comeuppance from my so-called comrade commentator."
 * "Crash Bandicoot, can't you understand me? I won 'Most Articulate Announcer' three years in a row! It can't be me that's at fault, perhaps it's you! Get me a Power Crystal, PLEASE!"
 * "Excellent, my furry companion. Do your best and embarrass that no-good playboy I am forced to call my co-worker."

When attacked by Crash

 * "Oh good, more abuse."
 * "Ow, my stuffing!"
 * "The pain of it all!"
 * "I blame video games!"
 * "Ow, my shins!"
 * "Did my wife send you?!"
 * "Ow, my wings!"
 * "Holy original recipe!"
 * "Ow, my knees!"
 * "Ow!"
 * "The worst beating since Michigan versus San Jose, 1939."
 * "Ow, my dignity!"
 * "That was unnecessary!"
 * "Ow, my gizzard!"
 * "Newscaster down!"
 * "Ow, my beak!"
 * "Ow. my thighs!"
 * "I think you fixed my back."
 * "Chicken hate crime!"
 * "Ow! I'm gonna feel that tomorrow."

Cutscenes

 * "Perhaps a riddle or two!"
 * "Heedely-hidely-ho! To the statue you must go! This way or that, fall down, you go 'splat!' And everyone thinks you're a shmoe!"
 * [introducing the Mystery Island world] "Yo ho ho and a bottle of Wumpa Whip! Ahoy mateys! Batten down your hatches and swab my poop deck says I! Avast there ye slobs! Salty adventure awaits ye beyond these cursed portals o'doom! Hahahaha!"
 * [after Chick and Stew's introduction to the Happily After Faster world] "Now click your heels three times and repeat after me: I do believe in the stinking beauty, I do believe in the stinking beauty, I do!"
 * [introducing the Tyrannosaurus Wrecks world] "What horrors for you are in store, great beasts and volcanoes galore! As I say with a grin, try hard, you might win, though your butt will probably be sore. Hee hee hee!"
 * [introducing the Tomb Town world] "Awaken not angry spirits that lie within, grave robber! Beyond the ancient vault of gold and family jewels awaits a profaned prophecy for those who disturb the mummy's slumber! Ha, ha! Don't wake daddy either!"
 * "Oh! That's it! I've had it! You people are dumber than a sack of hammers! It's me! Meeee! I tell you!
 * "Don't you get it? Meeee!"
 * "And I would've succeeded too, if it wasn't for you meddling bandicoots! And now the time is nigh, it's really do or die! This stone in my sack proves Von Clutch is a hack! And you can look for me in the sky! Hahahahaha! So long, suckers!"
 * [trying to get the rocket to launch] "Come on, come on, don't do this to me!"
 * "Hey! Who are you calling 'sour'?!"

When attacked by Crash

 * "Be nice!"
 * "This is the tenth time today this has happened, I swear!"
 * "I'm only sending you four Christmas cards this year!"
 * "I need a sick day."
 * "Uh huh, I bruise easily!"
 * (Screams like a girl.)
 * (Groans.)
 * "I'll spit out Wumpa Whip when I'm darn-good-n'-ready!"
 * "I'll sauce your apples for that!"

When interacting with Crash

 * "Well hello there little man. I'm Willie Wumpa Cheeks!"
 * "Crash Bandicoot, what a surprise, have a tall one from me!"
 * "Hello Crasheipooh! I know you're a big fan. Want an autograph?"
 * "Hey buddy, step aside! Can't you see I'm working here?"
 * "Hey kid you're cramping my style. Beat it! This is my corner!"
 * "Hey paley. You look thirsty and I'm brimming with Wumpa Whip. What are the chances?"
 * "Wumpa Cheeks is the name! Sour juice is my game!"
 * "Uh-oh, sorry but the Wumpa Pumpa is all dried out! Heh heh."
 * "Why hello...say didn't I just meet you a minute ago?"
 * "Crash Bandicoot! I'll tempt your tummy with a taste of Wumpa and Honey!"
 * "Hello again Crash. We have to stop meeting like this!"

Trivia

 * Neo Cortex's quote "Ouch, ouch, and double ouches!" is a pun on the "Drat, drat, and double drat" quote from Wacky Races.
 * Neo Cortex's about standing out "like a chocolate bar in a swimming pool" is a reference to the movie Caddyshack, in which someone dropped a Baby Ruth in a pool, making everyone divert their attention (as they thought is was poop).
 * One of Coco's quotes is "Aww, derryberries!", which refers to the surname of the actor who plays Coco and may additionally pun SpongeBob's common phrase "Oh barnacles!" at the same time. Also, another one of her quotes is "Well there's a fine how-do-you-do" which is similar to one of Wallace's quotes from the Wallace & Gromit television series.
 * Stew's quote "Ol' Stewbie-doo needs a little help from you." is a reference to Scooby-Doo.
 * Another Scooby-Doo reference is when Willie Wumpa Cheeks says, "And I would've succeeded too, if it wasn't for you meddling bandicoots!" A spoof of a recurring line from the show.
 * Another Scooby-Doo reference is when Cortex says "Now who broke that? Jinkies, what a mystery!" after sometimes breaking a track-side target. "Jinkies!" is a word commonly said by Velma when she discovers something or is surprised.
 * Chick's quote "Holy original recipe!" is a reference to KFC.