List of quotes in Crash Tag Team Racing said by Doctor Neo Cortex

This is a list of quotes said by Doctor Neo Cortex in Crash Tag Team Racing.

Missions

 * "Oh, it's you, Crash. Look, there's something fishy going on here, and I don't mean the salmon churros. I need to do a little sneaking around, but I can't, because... My head's too big! I mean, look at me. I stick out like a chocolate bar in a swimming pool! If I'm going to get to the bottom of this, you'll need to get me something black and slimming to wear. I don't want my butt to look so big!"
 * "Look, why are you back here if you don't have what I need? Crash, listen to me, and try to get this through your furry skull. If you want answers, you'll need to get me something black and fetching!"
 * "Ugh... Why are you still here and talking to me, Crash? Go... Go on... Fetch!"
 * "Crash, I swear, if you bother me once more, it's laser to the eyeball time!"
 * "Oh, now this is nice! I can go anywhere in this little number! Whoever's behind all this won't know what hit them. Oh, and take this Power Crystal. I found it in a dumpster covered in that disgusting Wumpa Whip, so... I don't want to keep it."
 * "Oh, Crash! Um... Coco asked me to get this car working for her but it's missing a key engine component. If you find a set of high-quality gears, would you bring them to me?"
 * "Oh, good. It'll make your sister so happy."
 * "Crash, you blithering imbecile! Can't you do anything right? You're the worst mutation I've ever created! Bring me those gears, now!!"
 * "Crash, why are you back here? You're making me very... uh... You're making your sister sad..."
 * "Crash, you cantankerous twerp! What are you even doing back here?"
 * "Shut Up!! Get me that gear!"
 * "You did it! You brought me the last part I needed! Crash, you fool. With this car, I will win the deed to the park for sure, and destroy every bandicoot foolish enough to face me on the tracks!"
 * "Oh, Crash! Can you help me out? I need Power Crystals to charge my new weapon of mass-- uh... helping people. Can you bring me Crystals to fuel my latest creation and... help as many people as possible?"
 * "Oh yes, that's nice. Stand there and hit the talk button to annoy the mad scientist. Next you'll spin attack I suppose. Just get me those Crystals, you idiot!"

When interacting with Crash

 * "Ah, yes. Crash, my dear boy. Haven't you some train tracks to play on?"
 * "Crash! What a surprise! I have a blaster gun with your name on it! Wait here."
 * "Crash! You really must assist me, dear boy. I dropped my chewing gum in that wood chipper over there. Would you be so kind as to retrieve it for me?"
 * "Crash! You're looking very fit and trim! Those palates are doing wonders for your figure."
 * "Hello, Crash Bandicoot! Goodbye, Crash Bandicoot."
 * "Hello Crash. It's always a torture- uh, I mean pleasure to see you."
 * "Hey Crash! Willie Wumpa Cheeks has a dripping problem with his Wumpa Pumpa. Why don't you go plug it up?"
 * "Oh, do I despise that orange-pelted rodent. Uhh... ah, Crash! My old pal! I was just on a tirade about you!"
 * "Salutations, my dear Crash. Very soon I shall find you a new home in the afterlife."
 * "Ugh! Crash Bandicoot, stop hounding me!"
 * "Why Crash Bandicoot! My old friend! Have you ever heard the Cortex proverb that revenge is a dish best served with fava beans? Hmm. Well remind me to tell you sometime."
 * "Yes, yes! Don't bother me, Crash! Can't you see I'm working on your demise?! The nerve!"

When attacked by Crash

 * "I thought you liked me!"
 * "It's juvie all over again!"
 * "Just back off, man!"
 * "Meanie!"
 * "Nobody makes me bleed from there!"
 * "Oh, the pain of it all!"
 * "Stop it, please!"
 * "The pain! The sweet pain!"
 * "When I get my ray gun, you're through!"
 * "Why me?! I'm so pretty!"
 * "Why would you do that?!"
 * "You can't do that to me! No one can!"

When starting a race

 * "After I win, I want to be hand-fed grapes and drink lots of creamy soda."
 * "Attention, everyone! Follow me!"
 * "Fill 'er up and check my oil!"
 * "How much longer till we get there?!"
 * "I bore easily. Do try and keep up."
 * "It's okay everyone. I'll hold back a bit to keep things a bit more interesting."
 * "May the best cheat win!"
 * "My, my. So many balloons of hope for me to pop."
 * "Now, I may attack other drivers. Okay, I will attack other drivers."
 * "Now, when the flag lowers, everyone, hit reverse!"
 * "Okay, dregs of society! Time to learn who the real mad doctor is here!"
 * "Soon you will all taste the sour conception of defeat!"
 * "This race is a trivial challenge to a genius like me!"
 * "Wait, wait, I'm not buckled in!"

When starting from a standstill

 * "Let's see what this thing could do!"
 * "1.2 gigawatts of power!"
 * "Burn baby burn! Like a disco inferno!"
 * "Down, boy! Steady!"
 * "Engage!"
 * "Fear my fossil fueled wrath!"
 * "Hey! Pretty good pickup in this heap!"
 * "I am Cortex, hear me roar!"
 * "I feel the need! The need for acceleration!"
 * "I just love when that happens."
 * "Impressive! Most impressive!"
 * "I've got lots of torque! And I'm not afraid to use it!"
 * "Ladies react very favorable to that."
 * "Mad scientist coming through!"
 * "Nice skid marks!"
 * "Oh, I love that rumbling sensation!"
 * "Rolling rolling rolling!"
 * "Such power! Such speed! I'm such a catch!"
 * "Who's your daddy?"
 * "Yeehaw!!"

When passing by an opponent vehicle

 * "Last time I saw a car like that, someone was feeding it hay!"
 * "Breaker 1.9! Here comes rubber ducky!"
 * "Hahaha! I'm funky fresh and beautiful!"
 * "You see? I knew that extra quart of oil would work! -belch-"
 * "Ain't my backside pretty?"
 * "Make way for agent beauty!"
 * "Who's your daddy?"
 * "And to think, I didn't need the height requirement for this ride."
 * "Little do they know. I flunked driver's ed."
 * "Tell me, how does losing feel?"

When passed by an opponent vehicle

 * "Hey, you! Mr. ... guy!"
 * "You, filthy peon, get back here so I can whack you!"
 * "Come on, now, I really need to get there first!"
 * "Now, there's a way to taste the back of my hand."
 * "Hey! Don't make me pull this car over!"

Carrying an item

 * "With this, I will do pathetically horrible deeds."
 * "Haha! Jewels! More jewels!"
 * "Crystals are a doctor's best friend."
 * "This will surely come in handy for evil."
 * "Ohh, shiny!"
 * "Oh, nice!"
 * "That's great! What's it for?"
 * "Now the circle of pain is complete."
 * "Oh would you look at that? A present!"
 * "The power! The power!"
 * "Oh, how excellent!"
 * "Every mad scientist's dream."
 * "I'm hiding this Crystal in my special place."
 * "No one will ever take this from me. No one!"
 * "I'll have enough for a fine pearl necklace soon."
 * "Begin quivering with excitement."
 * "Powers of Cortex, activate!"
 * "Better me than any of those other nitwits."
 * "I will build a super weapon of incredible destructive force! Eventually."
 * "Where on Earth am I going to keep all this booty?"
 * "I really ought to turn this into lost and found. Not!"
 * "Hahaha! The wonderful power!"
 * "Mine! Mine! All mine!"
 * "I'll find a wonderful home for you, little jewel."
 * "I'm happy! I'm really, really happy!"
 * "Another for the collection!"

When brushing against an opponent vehicle

 * "Save the brain!"
 * "Mad scientists have the right of way... Jerk!"
 * "I would've hit him, but this game is rated 'E'."
 * "I skinned my knee!"
 * "Rusty, Cortex, you're getting rusty!"
 * "Hmm... I must have my contacts checked."
 * "My skills of nearsightedness caused that!"
 * "I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that this park is not entirely safe."
 * "Ugh! What sicko came up with this ride?"
 * "Vehicular man slaughter!? I like the sound of that!"
 * "Excuse me, gamer, are you TRYING to make me lose?!"
 * "That had better not have been on purpose, you!"
 * "Why can't I get the elbow room I deserve?"
 * "Watch the paint, watch the paint!"
 * "Hey there buddy, this isn't California you know!"
 * "Blast you, Sunday driver!!"
 * "That's no way to treat a man on his way to church!"
 * "Send a bill to the office!"
 * "There goes my good insurance rate!"
 * "Why does this always happen to me?"
 * "Shoot! I'll get him on the next lap!"
 * "Ugh! You're a lawsuit waiting to happen!"
 * "Now how am I supposed to respond to that action?"
 * "Now how did that not end in a fiery death?"
 * "I think I wet myself!"
 * "Going to need a new kidney from my organ donor clone!"
 * "Hey there! Watch where I'm driving!"
 * "Was that trip really necessary?"
 * "Stop your whining! I'm insured!"
 * "Scuv off, bat-bag! I mean... oh, nevermind."
 * "Where's your sense of decency, man!?"
 * "I'm calling my mommy on you!"
 * "Hey! That hurt!"
 * "Ta-ta! You should know better than to mess with a man's wheels!"
 * "Hey there! Watch where I'm going!"
 * "Don't try that at home, kiddies!"
 * "Come back here and plow into me like a man!"
 * "Sometimes I feel like a motherless Cortex..."
 * "You're just making it worse for yourself."
 * "Hey, hey, I'm driving here!"
 * "Come on, Cortex, you can do better than that!"
 * "That surely shaved a year or so off my life!"
 * "That was a close shave... with razor bumps!"
 * "Excuse me, buster, but where were you when they went over the rules?"
 * "Wow, that was fun, and a little scary too."
 * "Pick on someone your own size, shrimpy!"
 * "Relax, Cortex. You know their weakness-- Doomsday weapons!"
 * "Such violence in a children's park! Tsk! Tsk!"

When brushing against a wall

 * "¿Dónde están mis pantalones?"
 * "Great! I just washed this vehicle!"
 * "Summon my proctologist!"
 * "Somebody get me a tissue!"
 * "How am I going to talk my way out of this one?"
 * "Not my baby!"
 * "Hurt my ride, you hurt me! Wait. I probably shouldn't say that."
 * "Oh yeah? Well, the more you hit me, the weaker I become!"
 * "Aaah!! My car!"
 * "Is this the price of victory?"
 * "I don't like this part of the race much."
 * "Ouch, ouch, and double ouches!"
 * "Oh, now who put that there?"
 * "Hit me! Do I not bleed?"

When flying through the air

 * "It's the only way to fly!"
 * "Woohoo! I'm a big beautiful bird!"
 * "I always was the best student at evil medical school."
 * "This is great, but reentry can be rough."
 * "If madmen were meant to fly, our cheeks would be filled with helium!"
 * "Woohoo! I can see my house from here!"
 * "Hey! I never read the landing procedure!"
 * "Uh-oh. That burrito is making an encore visit!"
 * "Woohoo! Get a load of my sweet tricky!"
 * "Now this is what I call an E-ticket ride!"
 * "Up up and away!"
 * "Okay Luke, I'm starting my run!"
 * "Whoa! I think I'm going to be sick!"

When destroying an opponent vehicle

 * "Oh! Now I do feel guilty about that one!"
 * "How did that deliciousness taste?"
 * "Taste my smoldering intelect!"
 * "Flame on!"
 * "It's so good to be so bad."
 * "The next one's going right up your nose."
 * "Don't worry, that was a mercy killing."
 * "Toodle-oo!"
 * "It's not my fault he sucks platypus eggs!"
 * "You have met my destiny! Nice, isn't it?"
 * "I shouldn't enjoy this so much!"
 * "Now you know who the real mad scientist is!"
 * "I'd say he's not operational. ..hehehe..."
 * "Ohh, I did a bad thing! Eeheehee."

When destroyed by an opponent vehicle

 * "I knew I shouldn't have tossed that bus transfer!"
 * "You'll probably blame me for this, won't you?"
 * "Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?"
 * "I hope none of my henchmen saw that."
 * "I'm all brains and no gas."
 * "Evil madman-- Will work for shiny new vehicle!"
 * "Ugh. To think I was top of my class in evil medical school."
 * "MOMMY!!!"
 * "Waiter! Check, please!"
 * "Uh, excuse me. Can anyone give me a lift home?"
 * "Well, I will most surely lodge a complaint at city hall!"
 * "I'll take the rest in a doggy bag."
 * "Ohh!! For heaven's sake, someone put it out of its misery!"
 * "I don't deserve this!"
 * "How did I ever get stuck with this heap?"
 * "Boo-hoo! My beautiful ride!"

When hit by a weapon

 * "Well, there's sportsmanship for you."
 * "Fool! Watch where you're aiming that thing!"
 * "Hey, when I hit you, I didn't mean you could hit back!"
 * "Ohh, the pain!!"
 * "Ohh!! I lost my ATM card!"
 * "Hey! Aren't you supposed to be on my team?"
 * "I'd rather be the hammer than the nail."
 * "Oh, I'll get you for that! Get you good."
 * "That's it! I want my money back!"
 * "What did I do to deserve THIS?"

When running over a park drone

 * "An evil maniac's gotta do what an evil maniac's gotta do!"
 * "Cry all you want! I can't hear you! Lalalalalalalalalala!"
 * "Heavens! I enjoyed that too much!"
 * "It's really not my policy to pick up hitchhikers."
 * "Yes! Like a deer in the headlights!"
 * "Officer, he just walked right onto the road!"
 * "I haven't laughed like that since I was a schoolgirl!"
 * "I really ought to go back and pick him up. Not!"
 * "My, my, was that you?"
 * "Take that, animatronic booby!"

When clashing

 * "Trust me, this is good for both of us."
 * "Together, you and I will do very bad things."
 * "Wow, that felt good!"
 * "My heavens, we got us a convoy!"
 * "Now you do a good job as my partner or I've got a ray gun with your name on it!"
 * "Now move a little to the left... That's better."
 * "I'll bet the gas mileage is dreadful in this thug!"
 * "Now this is what I call a sport utility vehicle!"
 * "How do you like it on the dark side, huh?"
 * "You're chassis or mine?"
 * "Not bad! We need to see each other more often."

When declashing

 * "Oh, I'm sorry. Were we a team?"
 * "And I'm spent."
 * "Cortex is a lone wolf; a bald eagle; a burrowing hamster.."
 * "Thanks for your help. Now stay out of my way, vermin!"
 * "Talk to the hand! Buh-bye!"
 * "I can't be seen with you. I just can't."
 * "Look, I think we should see other people."
 * "I've had it with you, meddling kid!"
 * "Stay away from me, you freak!"
 * "Now tell me how my backside looks. Tell me!"

When winning a race

 * "Who let the canines out? Woof! Woof, woof!"
 * "You want to try that again, smarty pants?"
 * "Ohh, I get it. You're TRYING to hit me."
 * "Nice shot. Next time, try AIMING!"
 * "Nice try! Next time, open your eyes when firing!"
 * "I'm quick and nimble like a little cockroach."
 * "Really, you should find an easier target than me."
 * "Now, now, I shall donate all of my winnings to a most deserving charity-- Me!"
 * "Oh, Cortex, when will they ever learn?"
 * "Is I good or is I good?"
 * "Can I purchase that pink big teddy bear now? Huh? Huh?"
 * "Bow before the master of speed and deliquency!"

When losing a race

 * "That's just wrong in every sense of the word!"
 * "I'm just softening you up for my souffle o' pain."
 * "I hope there's a remedy for my filthy shame..."
 * "I'm such a sore loser! ... Anyone have any chewable aspirin?"
 * "Where did my training fail me?"
 * "Haha! Yes! Err... Oh. I meant to do that."
 * "Haha! ... Actually, I'm just trying to psyche you out... dude."
 * "Well, really, I'm more of a tiddlywinks man..."
 * "Obviously I'm in a generous mood today.."
 * "Oh well. It's everyone else's fault but mine."
 * "Just as I suspected. Losing isn't everything."

Credits

 * "Hello, Michelle! Be seeing you later. Oh, and Michelle, say hi to Joel's kids, Neo Andrew and Neo Nichole."
 * "Mr. Plumbly, you really know how to shoot one pass the goalie! Wink wink, nudge nudge! Little Plumbly is proof of that."
 * "Isn't he going to thank his wife, or kids?"
 * "Hi, Elyssa! And the cutest girl in the world."
 * "Trevor would like to thank the Olsen Twins, whom he's never met."
 * "Darren would like to thank no one. He did it all himself!"
 * "Oh, Jeff, what is up, big dog? How's it hanging in the hood?"
 * "Kevin would like to thank everyone that made a joke with his name in high school, and point out that they probably work in a mall now."
 * "Konichiwa, Maki-chan."
 * "Angus would like to thank the whole world for putting up with his horrible attitude, while he traveled the globe."
 * (Reply to N. Gins comment about the guy getting all the chicks) "Sure, sure he does, but they're ugly!"
 * (Reply to N. Gin talking about the Gmail) "Uh, hold on! Let me get my pen!"
 * "Ian says thank you, mom, dad, and David. How... sickening!"
 * "Matthew, see you next Tuesday! Or was it Wednesday? Thursday-- No, Friday-- Ahh!"
 * "Peter would like to thank his lovely wife Wendy and cat Lucy for all their support."
 * "Hello, Corey's wife, Laura. You dirty girl!"
 * "And to my favorite niece, Amy Gross. Nothing gross about her."
 * "And Bill Farmer, if only he were one."
 * "And Chris Coppola, man of a thousand voices, but unfortunately, no personality."
 * "And Dwayne Shephard. Nobody says ******* with such authority."
 * "Jess Harnell, please, tell your neighbor, the captain, that I said hi, and that I'm in a rock band! Hahaha!"
 * "And Lex Lang. Oh! I hope to someday meet him!"
 * "Lydian, the most polite man on the planet."